Like Walking Into a Dream

Brian drove me to his house and on the way he picked up Subway. I walked into his house and a small, white, ball flew at me. I looked down to see a small white dog trying to attack my shoes.

“PINKLY!” Brian scolded and tried to shut the door and hold the food at the same time. I laughed when the dog ran away from him and into the living room.

“Ignore her. She’s a spaz,” Brian grumbled with a hint of a smile. I followed him into the kitchen where he set the food down.

“What—“ I was cut off when the loud yipping of Pinkly appeared. She was in the doorway looking between the two of us.

“Pinkly,” he warned. She ignored him and started barking at me again. I got up from where I sat down and scooped her up into my arms. She growled lowly, but I stopped her by scratching her ears.

“Sorry, she’s not a big fan of girls. Not ever since Michelle. They didn’t get along,” he said leaning over to pet his dog’s head. I held Pinkly a little closer. How can someone be mean to cute animals like her?

I set Pinkly back down and began eating my sub.

“So what do you want to do?” I asked when we were finishing our food. Brian took a sip of his drink and wiggled his eyebrows. The small action made me smile at his goofiness.

“Well, I did just happen to rent all the Jackass movies,” he informed me. I laughed once.

“Jackass? Seriously? Let’s do it,” I laughed as I jumped up and raced him into the living room. I beat him and landed on the sofa while he popped one of the DVDs into the player.

We watched as the guy’s tricked Bam into getting into a horse trailer and put a snake in there with him. I laughed watching him freak out and climb out and onto the top of the trailer.

“You enjoying yourself?” Brian asked as the credits rolled. I wasn’t even sure which movie that one was, but I loved it.

“Yeah, I’m feeling a lot better. Thanks, Brian.”

“No problem. So, would it be okay if we did something else now?” he asked. I raised an eyebrow.

“Well yeah, but if you want us to act out scenes from Jackass then no,” I said with a smile. Brian chuckled before leaning closer to me and kissing me on the lips. The breath caught in my throat for a second before he pulled away.

“I was thinking more along these lines,” he said quietly. I knew he didn’t mean sex, but I was also wondering if he was going to make a move on me today.

“That’s okay,” I said just as softly. I mean he was the whole reason why I stopped my engagement. I should at least see if my feelings for him are real. Well, that’s how I convinced myself it was. I just really wanted to kiss him again.

I put both of my hands on either sides of his cheeks and pulled him back to me. Brian wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back. Brian began to gently push me to lay down on the couch, but we were interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

Panting, we looked at each other and then to the lit up phone in my pocket. I smiled apologetically before pulling it out. I was surprised to see Eric’s name flashing on the screen. Brian saw this too and let me get up.

“Hello?” I asked softly.

“Hey Peyton. I uh was just calling to see how you were doing.” I silently told Brian I was going to talk outside. I went into his backyard and sat in a lawn chair.

“I’m doing as well as I can. How are you?” I asked feeling the guilt coming back.

“I've been a lot better,” he chuckled humorlessly.

“I'm so sorry Eric…”

“It’s fine, Pey. I wouldn’t have wanted you to be unhappy. I was also calling to let you know I’ve taken care of most of the wedding plans. I don’t any more pressure on you.” I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

“Thank you,” it came out barely above a whisper.

“That’s what I do. I also wanted us to have lunch tomorrow and sort out our living arrangements. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I don’t have to go into work for a few weeks because I had taken time off in advance for…the wedding and uh honeymoon.”

“Yeah, I did too… Let’s meet at The Dot at noon.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then,” I said.

“Yeah take care, Peyton.” We said our goodbyes and hung up. I groaned and let my head drop into my hands. I felt Brian’s large hands begin to rub my shoulders. I loosened up and let him sit behind me in the chair. I leaned back into his chest and sighed.

“I didn’t know it would be this hard. I had somewhat of an idea, but this is nothing like I imagined.”

“What did he want?” he asked softly.

“He wanted to know how I was doing and we’re meeting tomorrow to settle our living arrangements. He should have the house, I mean it’s in his name. I need to start looking for an apartment or flat or something.”

“Just move in with me,” Brian said. I laughed softly.

“Sure... that would just solve everything,” I said closing my eyes while he rubbed my shoulders.

“I’m serious. If he gets the house, come stay with me. I'm lonely here and I would love it if you stayed with me. I have a guest bedroom and bathroom. No strings attached. We’ll just be roommates. It won’t make us anything more, promise.”

“Brian, do you realize what you're saying?” I asked looking at him.

“Exactly.”

“I’ll think about it,” I whispered leaning back into his strong hands that continued to kneed out the stress knots in my shoulders and back.

~*~

I finished getting ready and put my phone into my pocket before grabbing my keys and locking the front door behind me. I headed to the Dot and saw that Eric was already seated.

“Hey,” I mumbled sitting down across from him.

“Hey.” It was silent for a minute.

“The house is in your name and you had it before we officially got engaged so you keep it. I don’t want this to be fight between us. I’ll get my stuff and leave,” I said picking up the menu.

“Pey, let’s talk about this.”

“Eric, seriously, it’s fine. I can find somewhere else to live. You’re too nice for your own good. It’s your house,” I said with a small smile. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Where will you go?” he asked.

“I don’t know yet. Maybe to Jimmy’s or rent a place. I’ll find somewhere,” I said. The waitress took our orders.

“Did Brian offer his place?” he asked after a while.

“He did.”

“Are you going to take his offer?”

“I'm not sure yet. If I do, we won’t be anything more than roommates. We agreed on that, but I'm not sure if that’s the best idea,” I said rarely meetings his eyes.

“Peyton, do what makes you happy. That’s all I want. There’s a saying about if someone truly loves another, the best thing they can do is bring them happiness even if it means letting them go.”

“Eric—“

“It’s the truth. I love you, Peyton, but if you’re happier with someone else, then I’ll let you be with them.” we ate in silence, and Eric forced me to let him pay for the bill.

“Let me know when you find somewhere to live and I’ll go back to the house and then we can split up the furniture.” I agreed and then he pulled me into a hug. I held onto to him.

Why can’t I be happy with a man as amazing as Eric? He’s truly one of a kind, but just not for me. I hope he finds a girl soon that will make him happy just like he made me when he let me go.