Suffering Alone In Silence

Mikey's POV

I made my way over to Frank’s parents’ house and knocked on the door. I waited patiently for a few moments before Mrs Iero answered the door.

“Hi Mikey.” She greeted me.

“Hi Mrs Iero, I’ve just come by for Frank’s clothes.” I state with a smile.

“Oh, yes, hang on dear.” She replied and disappeared inside for a moment.

“Here you go dear, that’s everything he owns. Can you also give him this?” She asked handing me an envelope.

“Sure.” I reply quietly.

“Thanks Mikey.” She gave me a soft, unsure smile.

I turned and walked back down the path to my car, nothing more needed to be said. I did wonder what was in the envelope, but I wasn’t going to open it, I didn’t want to betray his trust anymore than I already did.
I put his stuff on the back seat and got in and started the car, starting the short drive to the hospital.

I arrived a short time later, parking the car and getting his things out before locking the car up. I made my way past emergency and headed for the elevators. I got in and went up to the fifth floor. When the elevator doors opened I stepped out and was greeted by that grim sign.
It was almost like looking at someone’s death wish.

Psychiatric Care Unit.

I shivered and walked through the entrance and signed in. No one was there to search me or Frank’s bags; I smiled, and then remembered I had a couple of pills in my wallet. I wonder how Frank is coping.

I made my way to Frank’s room and entered quietly. The sight made my breath hitch in my throat.

“Frankie?” I asked, timidly.

He turned his head lazily and just simply stared through me, no he wasn’t staring at me, but through me, it was kinda scary, he looked so detached from the world.

“I bought you some clothes. Your parents called me and asked me to bring them to you; I don’t know why they wouldn’t bring them to you themselves. Your mom also gave me this letter to give to you; I don’t know what it says.” I say fumbling around in my pockets before producing the crumpled envelope.

I stretch my arm out to hand it to him, but he simply looks at me before pulling on some restraints I didn’t notice before.

“Oh.” I mumble quietly.

“I’ll leave it on your table for later.” I state and put it on the bedside table.

I take the seat that is beside his bed. I look at him for a moment and try to work out where my Frankie has gone...the one with endless amounts of energy...the loving one who always shared with me and cheered me up when I was down...the one who used to be my party buddy.

“What’s happened to you Frankie?” I ask quietly, taking his hand in mine gently.

I get a sad look from him as a response.

“I feel so guilty, I put you in here. Please open up to me Frankie, I won’t tell, you know that. I don’t judge, hell, I can’t judge.” I plead, trying to get something from him.

A tear falls from his eye. I get up and wipe it.

“Mikey, I...” He starts, but cuts himself off, taking a deep breath.

“Frankie...please.” I whisper.

“I can’t do this anymore...please Mikey...I-I need you to bring as many Xanax as you can...please help me kill myself.” He whispers.

It’s pleading and asking for compassion and understanding. I know how he feels. The Xanax won’t be able to be traced once his heart stops. Could I really help kill my best friend? I feel as if he is still going through withdrawal.

“Frankie...you don’t really wanna do that...you’re still in withdrawal.” I state calmly, trying to talk him out of it.

He is closed off once more as his vacant stare goes right through me. I am suddenly startled when Frank’s door is opened and the doctor walks in greeting me warmly.

“Hello Mikey.”

“Hey doc.” I mumble.

The doctor goes around checking Frank’s vitals. I observe for a moment.

“What’s wrong with him doc?” I ask.

“He’s in withdrawal Mikey. We had to restrain him because he lashed out and seriously hurt one of our nurses. We’ve also started feeding him via a tube. He’s refusing to eat and the last time he did eat he came back and forced himself to be sick, a nurse caught him, and that’s when he lashed out.” He paused for a moment to check Frank’s pulse.

“I am afraid that this was our only option, he would of been dead by know had we not put the feeding tube in. His vitals are weak and his body has so little nutrients in it that he has gone into a catatonic state. He should be coming back to reality in a few more days.” He pauses for another moment to write on Frank’s chart.

“He hasn’t spoken in almost a week, it’s like he’s living his own personal nightmare but doesn’t want to escape it.”

“He spoke to me before.” I stated.

“He is living his own personal nightmare because that is where he is safe. I can’t tell you what he said to me before, but I am part of his nightmare because I am the only person he trusts right now. Not even Gerard can get to him, he’s closed off to everyone and everything but me. Use me if you will, but I his last chance at getting better.” I stated.

I was fiercely protective of Frankie, because I knew him better than anyone, but I still didn’t know why his parents didn’t care about him.