Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

I have closed myself off again. I am clean. Forced withdrawal sucks but it has given me a new headspace to be in. It’s a clear place in my hazy world. No fog or forests. When I close my eyes I dream of the moon. I dream of sitting there watching the earth turn and the planets exist. It is there where I am free from the pain and suffering.

I have admitted to myself that the things that happened to me were wrong, that my father is a very sick man. My mother- well I’m not sure whether she is just as much at fault as my dad. Granted, she never beat me or raped me, she didn’t even watch, but she knew it went on.

After that session with Gerard, I closed myself off to the world. The world where I felt hurt, betrayed, lost, alone. Instead I traded it in for a life on the moon.

I am cut from my day dream when I hear the door open.

“Hey Mikey.” I say quietly, when I notice it’s him that has entered my room.

“Hey Frankie.” He smiles back at me.

I take a good look at my best friend as he pulls up a chair. His words aren’t slurred and his eyes are clear, he looks sober.

“What happened to you Mikey?” I ask with a slight laugh.

“I kicked it. I got clean. I wanted to be with you every step of the way. Gerard helped me, that’s why I haven’t been to see you in a week.” He gives a nervous smile.

“C’mere Mikey.” I state.

He glances up at my open arms, realises what I mean and stands.

“That is the best thing someone has ever done for me, it means a lot.” I state as he lays half on top of me in a warm, comforting hug.

“I’d do anything for you Frankie.” He says with a smile as he pulls away from the hug.

We sit around for a while and talk. Suddenly my happy mood is dampened a little as Mikey makes a comment about my appearance.

“You’re looking really good Frankie. You don’t look so gaunt.”

“Oh, um, yeah, they took my feeding tube out. Put me on a special diet.” I state, trying to avoid the feeling of wanting to force myself to be sick.

“I see they’ve taken your restraints off too.” He states.

I know he doesn’t mean to offend me, but I can’t help the feeling of being taken aback by his comments.

“Yeah, I’m free to wander around the ward. You wanna come for a walk. I hear there is a day room at the end of the corridor.” I ask.

“Sure, haven’t you been out yet?” He asks curiously.

“No, well except to eat in the diner.” I reply, getting out of bed.

I stand and stretch. I have already had a shower and gotten changed, so all I had to do was put my shoes on.

“I should buy you a new pair of Chucks.” Mikey laughs.

I look down and notice how beaten up my Chuck Taylors really are. I give out a laugh too.

“Yeah, maybe it could be my birthday present. I think my birthday is in a couple weeks.” I state.

“Hey yeah it is too. I’m so bummed you have to spend it in here.” He replies as we make our way towards my door.

Suddenly before I can open it, it opens and in walks Gerard.

“Oh, uh, hey Frank, Mikey.” Gerard greets us both.

“Hey bro.” Mikey replies before continuing,

“Frank and I were just going down to the day room.”

“Oh, can I tag along Frank?” Gerard addresses me directly.

I take a few seconds too long to reply and notice Mikey and Gerard look at me curiously.

“Mm, sure.” I mutter.

It’s the first words I spoken to Gerard since I told him about my dad over two weeks ago.

Cue Awkward Silence.