Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank's POV

I look to Mikey, who is looking at his feet, then to Donna who is looking around guiltily.

Mel comes in and assess the room.

“Okay, everyone needs to leave please. We’ll see you all tomorrow,” She states.

“Let’s go sit by the window Frankie,” She suggests, when everyone has left.

I nod, feeling comfortable by the window. This is where we always have talks, so it’s a familiar ground.

“Frank, can you remember anything at all?” She asks.

I sit for a little bit and think about what I can remember.

“I remember sitting here talking to you, I don’t know when or what it was about but I know we have sat here, and talked about something serious.” I say.

I watch as she nods her head and thinks about her next question.

“Frank, you have been mostly unconscious and ambiguous since early December. It is believed that you were living the past. You had a nightmare that you were living while awake. Then you knocked yourself out in rage and your body simply needed to recover. Your emotional pain was giving you false physical pain. You were re-living your past. Every beating, rape and even getting hit by your dad’s car. Frank this is Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome mixed with Schizophrenia. The PTS is of an unseen extreme. We are even lucky that you didn’t die, with the amounts of pain you thought you were in.” She explained, paused, and then continued.

“We had this discussion in the conversation that you remember we had. That was at the beginning of January. Frank, I think we need to really try and work through these things. I knew you couldn’t of just gotten better. I think we really need to work hard.” She concludes.

“I think you’re right Mel. I can’t remember anything but I can only imagine what everyone went through because of this. Can you help me?” I ask.

This was big. I openly admitted to needing help, and then asked for it. This was definitely a step in helping me recover.

“Frank I am going to help you. Gerard took himself off your case, because he couldn’t bear to help you and love you at the same time. It was hurting him. You just admitted that you wanted help, and so we are all going to help you. Dr Masters will be your doctor to prescribe the pills I recommend and to monitor that side of things. I am going to be the one you talk to, and we’ll work on some therapy. Then there is Gerard. He is going to be the one to love you and to hold you when you cry at night and tell you that he loves you every day and that you will get better.” She pauses for effect.

“Donna and Mikey will be your family. Donna is going to be the mom you always wanted and Mikey will continue to be your best friend and rock. He also said he would help you to start some light study.” She finishes.

“Sounds pretty good.” I reply, feeling for the first time like there was hope for me.

“We are also going to start by sending you back to your new home. We’ll do this as an outpatient. It will make it easier for you to fall into a routine, because you need a routine, to help start the healing process. We’ll all get together tomorrow and draw one up and book you in for the first six weeks of therapy, then go from there.” She continued.

“Are you sure about sending me home?” I ask, feeling a little nervous.

“Frank this will be good for you. It is going to work, none of us want you to fall again, promise.” She reassures me.

“Okay,” I agree.

“Good. So are you okay now?” She asks.

“Yer,” I say.

“Hungry?” She asks.

“Yer,” I reply.

“You go back to bed and I’ll go get you some food. Do you want another coffee?” She asks.

“Yes please,” I smile up at her.

With a nod of her head, she leaves.

I have a semi-positive outlook on what is going to happen. It is going to be fucking hard, but I know I can make it through this.