These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me

Belladonna's P.O.V.

At lunch I saw Mikey at a table with Ray and Frank. I looked around nervously but settled down a bit seeing Gerard wasn't around. I knew Gerard wouldn't really harm me but it just scared me to see him like that, especially as I had considered him to be somewhat a friend of mine. I timidly walked over to Mikey's table and stood there awkwardly. I sucked on my lip as a replacement for biting. Frank looked up and gave me a big smile. It was somewhat weird seeing someone who'd only spoken to me twice to have such a happy reaction.
"Hey Deli! Thank God you gave me that elephant advice! I've been seeing them everywhere!" he declared hyperly.
I gave him a small nod but other than that I didn't really have any other reaction. Mikey looked up at me happy to see me but concerned at the same time.
"Hey Bells, you feeling any better?" he asked.
I looked at him. The resemblance to Gerard was eerie yet they looked completely unalike at the same time. For a moment Mikey's face and Gerard's furious face merged into one and I trembled slightly.
"Bells?" Mikey asked again, this time standing up.
I don't know what caused me to do it, I don't know how I actually did it or why, but for whatever reason I found myself crossing the small distance between us and wrapping my arms around his skinny waist, my face pressed into his chest.

Mikey was quite obviously alarmed, particularly as he knew I didn't have anything to do with physical contact, but he soon forgot that and wrapped his skinny arms around me gently. I trembled in his arms and he held onto me tighter. I felt his chin rest on my head and he murmured those little lies, everything's gonna be okay,don't worry, it'll all go away soon, it's okay, you've got me, etc etc. To my surprise I actually found myself calming down a little bit. Did you know it's actually quite soothing to have someone hold you when you're scared and whisper those little lies in your ear? Never in my life had I been held when I was scared and the warmth and the protection it offered was really comforting. For once I felt at peace with myself.
"Is she okay?" I heard Ray ask.
Mikey and I both knew I wasn't okay, but Mikey knew that I didn't really want anyone knowing.
"Yeah, she'll be okay soon," he lied.
Bless Mikey.
"HEY! LOOK AT THE FAGGOTS!" I heard Damien yell from the other side of the cafeteria.

Both mine and Mikey's heads whipped around as the entire cafeteria turned to look at us. I could see open loathing and revulsion on virtually everyone's face.
"YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT OUR FRIENDS?!" I heard Ray scream back.
My head whipped to him in astonishment.
"WHY THE FUCK YOU HANGING OUT WITH EMO CUNTS LIKE THEM?!" Damien yelled, standing up and walking to us.
"MAYBE CAUSE THEY DON'T SPEND THEIR LIVES OBSESSING OVER TWO INCH DICKS, BLOW UP DOLLS AND TRANSVESTITES!" Frank yelled back angrily.
I was truly shocked. I never thought anyone would stick up for me, even in part.
Damien looked absolutely furious. He stormed over and made to grab for me but one hand left my back to grip hard onto his wrist, stopping his fist before it slammed into my head. I looked up at Mikey and his face was stormy with anger.
"Don't you dare lay a hand on her."

Even from the two days I'd known him, I'd never have thought Mikey could sound so angry. I looked to Damien to see him look somewhat uncertain. I was fairly sure that Mikey had never stood up to him until now and Damien didn't know what to do about it. He blustered.
"Listen up you four-eyed, anorexic, emo freak, yo--"
He was cut off by my fist slamming into his nose.
"FUCK! You BITCH!" he yelled, cupping his nose.
No one calls Mikey a four-eyed, anorexic, emo freak.
He looked at me with hate so intense that if looks could kill I'd be dead. 100 times over. He wrenched his arm out of Mikey's hand and lightning fast he grabbed my hood and he wrenched back hard. My hood fell off and my hair spilled out and I started choking from the force with which he pulled me back. I tripped and I fell to the ground. My head thumped so hard against the concrete floor that I became momentarily dazed.
"You bastard! We told you not to touch her!" Ray roared. (AN: and the Torosaur emerges! Rawr!)
I heard the sound of yelling and the sound of skin on skin and I looked up dazed, through strands of my hair. Frank and Ray were both attacking Damien and Mikey was at my head.
"Bells! Are you alright?! Do you need to go to the nurse?" he panicked.
I shook my head groggily and reached for my hood and I flicked it up over my head.
"Do you need help?" Mikey asked anxiously.
I just wanna go away. For good.
Mikey frowned.
"What do you mean?" he asked seriously.
I fucking hate everything Mikey! I hate EVERY PART of my life! You don't know what it's like for me...if you knew...
"So tell me, help me understand...please...I want to help you..." Mikey begged.
I could see he was being genuine in his plea but I just couldn't drag him into this.
Mikey, you don't know how hard it is for me to even have someone who cares...just please...let me get used to all these changes first
"What changes have been made?" Mikey asked curiously.
I have friends, people are actually noticing me and giving a shit about me, I'm HUGGING people, I'm picking fights with Damien, I'm scared Mikey. So much has changed in just a day. It may not seem like much to you, but it's a lot for me...so please understand how confusing and difficult it is for me...
"But I want you to understand how difficult it is for me to watch this. I care about you a lot, you're like a sister to me. Seeing you go through pain is hurting me too! I just... I want to help...is that so difficult?" he asked softly.
Truthfully, yes.
He sighed sadly.
I'm sorry...
he gave me a sad smile, and shrugged.
"It's okay. Just...promise me something," he said.
I knew it. Nothing ever comes for free. I looked at him suspiciously.
What is it?
"Promise me that if it all gets too much for you to handle you'll talk?" he asked.
Shit. That was something I couldn't promise.
Well, Mikey, you know I don't talk. I'd find it very difficult to talk now...
He gave me a look.
"You know what I meant," he said.
Unfortunately, I did. Unfortunately, I was going to have to lie to Mikey.
Yes Mikey. I promise.

Later that day I was walking to meet Mikey out the front when I saw Gerard. Immediately my muscles constricted and I stopped dead. I did not want to be around him yet. I started to back away when sudden two people appeared either side of me.
"Heya Deli!" Frank greeted me.
"Hey Bella," Ray said casually.
Looks like I've got another nickname.
Hey guys, how much trouble did you guys get in?
"Not much actually, turns out Damien's in there quite a lot for fighting so he got the blame for throwing the first punch," Ray said.
"So all we have is a couple of detentions that we probably won't go to and they probably won't bother chasing us up for," Frank continued.
Well that's good. Thanks for sticking up for Mikey back there
Over the past couple of hours I had convinced myself that they weren't sticking up for me, they were sticking up for Mikey, which included me in that bargain.
"Dude, we were mostly sticking up for you. I mean sure, we were sticking up for Mikey, but he was targeting you," Ray said.
"Deli, how dare you think we were only sticking up for Mikey! Did last night not spell my feelings out loud enough for you. I'm in love with you m'dear! I'M IN LOVE!" Frank screamed, "My soul pines for you! Every fibre of my being yearns for you and your sexy booty! My eyes see no other radiant beauty than yours! My..."
I tuned Frank out as I looked to Ray mortified.
What do you say we just leave him and see how long it takes for him to notice?
"Sounds good to me," Ray replied.

We then started walking, leaving Frank behind to scream and proclaim his 'undying love' for me. We passed Gerard and he looked up just as Ray and I passed. I tensed up and stepped closer to Ray for protection. I hated myself for reacting like that but I couldn't help it.
"Belladonna!" I heard him call.
I closed my eyes and prayed that he wouldn't come running after me. However, God does not like me. I heard his footsteps after me and I stiffened.
Please, please, please don't reach me...
"Hey! DELI! TORO! WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?!" I heard Frank yell from behind me.
I glanced back and I could see Gerard was way too close for comfort.
Can we run now?
Ray looked at me quizzically.
Please?
"Better idea," he said, placing something on the ground.
"Jump on," he said.
I looked at him and saw he had a skateboard with him.
"I'll grab you if you look like you're going to fall," he said.
It wasn't very reassuring, but it was better than the other option. I carefully stepped onto his skateboard and he immediately pushed his foot against the ground, propelling us forwards. I felt bad about leaving Frank behind but I had to escape Gerard.

Ray expertly steered us to Mikey's homeroom, not once sending me off balance and also giving me tips on how to skateboard. It was fun actually. I could hear Frank shouting after us but Ray just went faster each time he shouted. Mikey had just stepped out of the classroom when we skated by.
"Hi! Bye!" he called after us, laughing.
I let a smile grace my face and I turned back to look at Mikey.
"Sorry Mikey! Gotta keep going! Tell Frank we said hi!" Ray yelled, before we skated past.
I could see confusion clear on Mikey's face and it made me smile harder.
"Having fun?" Ray asked me.
I looked at him and nodded enthusiastically.
"There's something about being on a skateboard that does that. I find I can be having the shittiest day ever, hop on a skateboard and suddenly it's like all my worries have gone and I'm okay again," Ray said.
I think that was the most I'd ever heard him say in one go. I nodded in agreement. We pushed through the doors to the outside and Ray directed us towards the ramp so we didn't have to skate down the stairs.

Once we'd hit the bottom Ray put his foot down on the concrete and jumped off. However, I didn't get the memo and kept skating. I started to panic a bit, I had no idea what to do.
"Just remember what I told you about steering!" Ray yelled.
I gulped and tried to remember. I carefully placed my right foot on the back end of the skateboard and leant my weight on it. The front of the skateboard lifted in the air and I used my body to turn it to the left. Then I skated back to a grinning Ray with a matching grin on my face.
"Bella, you're a natural!" he declared.
I grinned widely. That had been amazingly fun, even though it was something so simple.
"Wanna try that again?" he asked.
I nodded eagerly.
"'Kay then. Skate to those stairs, swing around the pole and come back. To swing around the pole keep the front in the air and use your body to swing it around. Just as if you were turning normally," he explained.
I nodded and headed off. The speed was amazing and the turning was fun. I ended up looping around the pole twice before rocketing back to Ray. I ended up going a bit fast though.
"Whoa there! Steady on!" Ray laughed as I shot past him.
He reached out for my arms and I tumbled off balance off the skateboard onto Ray.

The skateboard shot off somewhere away from me while I knocked Ray off balance who pulled me down on top of him. He landed on his back on the grass and I landed on his stomach. He coughed and groaned when I landed.
Sorry! Sorry! And thanks for letting me ride your skateboard!
"S'all good. I just really have to piss now, you landed on my bladder," he groaned.
I couldn't help but to smile widely. I sat up on the ground next to Ray before I moved so I was sitting on his gut. He groaned again and I could feel his stomach muscles tense against my butt. It felt weird.
"Hey guys!" I heard Mikey call out.
I looked up to see Frank grabbing Ray's skateboard and Mikey walking over.
"What happened here?" Mikey asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
I owned Ray. Simple as that. He's my bitch now.
Mikey and Frank laughed upon reading that.
"What...what's so funny?" Ray whined.
Frank looked down at him grinning.
"You're her bitch now!" he cried.
"Oh fuck you," he laughed, shoving me off.
Save it for the bedroom honey ;)
"Ugh...go away...why am I friends with you?" he whined playfully.
I knew he meant it jokingly but I could feel my face fall a tiny bit when he said that.
Why were they friends with me?
"So you coming over mine or not?" Mikey asked me.
I nodded.
We need to get some work done on our English assignment...will Gerard be there?
"Well duh, he lives there too y'know," Mikey said jokingly.
I felt my muscles tense up and gulped. I forced myself to nod and put on a smile.
So are we going or not?
Mikey laughed.
"Impatient little one aren't you? You just want to get me alone don't you?" Mikey looked at me with this mock serious look and I grinned and clicked my fingers.
Damn, you caught me out...
He laughed and then helped me up.
"Well, we'll catch you losers later. Bye!" Mikey said.
"Fuck you Mikes! Bye Deliii!" Frank cried.
"Whatever Mikey! Catch you later Bella! Work on those skateboarding skills!" Ray called out.
I nodded and waved bye to the both of them as Mikey and I started to walk to his place.