The Pain We Feel

As the wind blew by I could feel my stomach becoming unsettling with the approaching foot steps. I closed my eyes for a second as I hear the door open, and my eyes opened to meet two kind brown eyes and the best smile that always brought me a bit of happiness.

“Hey, you’re here.” Alex greeted me.

“Yeah, I told you I’d come. Did you doubt me?” I teased.

“No, well maybe, but I’m just glad you came. Come on in, my dad left for work and won’t be back till late.” He told me.

“Oh, okay. Are we the only ones here.” I asked remembering Jen’s question.

“Yeah, it’s usually only me and dad so we’re alone. Are you not ok with that?” His eyes studying mine as he spoke.

“No, it’s fine. I was just curious I guess.” I replied avoiding his gaze feeling he would hear my heart accelerate if I met his eyes.

“Oh, well what do you want to do? I could show you around, or we could go up to my room and watch movies up there? Unless you would rather watch them down here?” he questioned still watching me as I avoided him as best I could.

“Ummm……………… I don’t know.” I felt speechless not knowing what to do with the uncertain possibilities each one had me face. I gave up on a decision as I said, “Wherever you want to is fine with me.”

Alex’s stare searched mine again, but turned away afraid of what he might see as the worry slowly crept in. I tried to push those thoughts to where they could be made unseen, but they put up a struggle.

“Well, I guess we’ll watch them down here. Its got a better system and a bigger screen.” He decided disrupting my thoughts and pulling me back to reality. As his eyes met mine I worried he knew of my distress and inner struggle, but he merely smiled at me.

“Ok, sure that sounds good. So what movie are we going to watch.” I asked trying to focus more.

“Did you really want to start watching movies now? I mean if we start now we’ll get through like five or so by the time you leave to get back home.” He questioned.

“Good point. You want to just talk and listen to music then for awhile.” I said smiling, not showing the fear of what I might accidentally reveal.

“Yeah that sounds good. Simple Plan ok?” he asked, figuring the band was a safe choice and a favorite of mine I nodded.

I followed Alex up the stairs to what I assumed was his room. It seemed fairly neat except the small amount of clutter piling up on his desk. He had about five small shelves along the walls three were piled high with CDs, one with books, and the last held a few journals. All around his walls were posters of movies and bands.

“Sorry it’s a little messy.” Alex laughed seeing me looking around his room.

“Messy? You’re kidding me right? This rooms actually pretty clean.” I said surprisingly

“Did you expect it to be worse?”

“I don’t know what I expected, but I do know I didn’t expect this.” I laughed as he just smiled

I sat on the couch he had by his bed as he went to his speaker to plug in his Ipod. The first song from it came Perfect by Simple Plan. I listened to the song softly singing my eyes closing being lost in the music. As it finished I opened my eyes to see Alex staring at me in amazement. I felt myself blushing with his stare.

“You have an amazing voice. You should sing louder.” He said smiling at me so brilliantly as always.

“Thank you, but my voice isn’t anything special. I do sing louder but I don’t know why I didn’t now.” I said reexamining his walls to avoid his eyes.

“I think you should sing loud no matter where you are. If you ask me your voice is truly amazing to me, honestly.” He replied. The smile on his face showing me nothing but sincerity, kindness, and honesty.

I could only smile as my heart swelled with happiness. It felt like so many things were perfect and nothing could go wrong. We started to talk about everything, covering whatever subject just happened to come up. We discussed some of our favorite bands and songs, who our favorite teachers were, and our different hobbies. The topic was never strained. It just flowed from one topic to another with ease.