Gerard's Little (Big) Secret

The problem with twins wasn’t that I couldn’t handle them. It wasn’t that we couldn’t afford them. It wasn’t that they would be terrible, or that we would have trouble with them, or we’d hate them. It was merely that I was horrified of Frankie’s reaction. What if he didn’t want twins? What if he would hate it, therefore resulting in him hating me?

I watched for his reaction nervously, my fingers trembling, and my lip quivering. My legs felt ready to give way at any second, and I thought the weight of the world was held on my shoulders, there just waiting to crush me. “F-Frankie?” I stuttered out, waiting for his reaction. He simply stared up at me, eyes wide, cigarette dangling precariously from his lips, watching me, as if I was some circus freak getting ready to do a trick. Or a dog. Roll over. Bark. Shake.

“T-Twins? Like, two of them?” And then I felt anger. I saw red, and I clenched my fists angrily.

“That’s what it usually means, idiot!” I shouted. He cringed.

“I’m sorry, I’m just surprised,” He mumbled lowly.

“Well, what do you think I am? Fucking peachy?” I growled. I hated that this was happening, I hated that things were messing up like this. None of this was ever meant to be, it felt like, and now, now, here we were. Lost and confused, and scared, and angry.

“Ger, I never said I was upset about it, did I?” He questioned me. I stopped my mental ranting for a second, and stared down at him, surprised and a bit worried. His olive eyes sparkled with something I couldn’t be sure of, and he took a drag of the smoke, looking amused.

“What?” He smiled, standing up, and wrapping his arms around my waist, kissing my neck.

“I never said I was upset,” he whispered, laying his head on my chest. “I’m surprised, a bit worried – about you – and about them – but, not upset.” I kissed the top of his forehead, and sighed.

“Not mad?” He snorted.

“Mad? Why mad? The time’s long gone and past to be mad, love,” He explained to me, putting the cigarette out on the ashtray, and coming back to wrap his arms around me again. He looked up at me, eyes shining still.

Those goddamn eyes and his ability to mesmerize me. He put a hand on my stomach, and smiled, kissing my chest. “Think. We weren’t feeling just one baby kick, we were feeling two. This whole entire time.” I grinned.

“It’s nice to think about,” I murmured softly. He reached up and kissed my nose, before taking my hand.

“let’s just go to sleep,” he said. I nodded, and followed him up the steps, running a hand across my stomach happily.

We sleep a lot. It’s because sex isn’t obviously allowed, six months into a pregnancy, especially with twins, and because, there’s simply nothing I’d rather do, than spend the evening with my arms wrapped around the one person I love more than anything in the world.

“Frankie?”

“Mm?” He questioned, keeping his eyes closed.

“What would you say if I said I was scared?” I mumbled quietly. He snapped his eyes open and turned over on his side to face me, brushing away the air in my face as I kissed his hand lightly.

“I would say…” He trailed off for a minute. “I’m just as fucking scared. I mean, this is huge – two babies – Gerard. We never really even talked seriously about one…” I cast my eyes down for a minute, before looking back up. “But…”

“But?” I whispered out, as he touched his hand to my stomach.

“But we’ll make it, love. We’ll always make it.”