Sewn My Lips Shut

The alarm clock on my phone blasted in my ear. I sat up in bed and looked at Andy. His face looked so innocent and at so much peace when he sleeps. I get out of bed and get dressed for work.

"Cynthia...." I turned around to see Andy staring at me, while I was in my bra and panties. "Wow...." I felt my cheeks burn from embarrassment.

"Shut up!" I threw a playful glare at him. "I don't look that great." I looked down at my small baby bump. "I mean...look at me." I move my arms up and down along with my body. I grabbed a loose turquoise shirt that tied below my bust.

"Cynthia, the bump is beautiful okay? So stop your worrying." Andy walked up to me, got on his knees and kissed my stomach. "I have off at the diner tonight, so we can have dinner together if you want." He stood back up and stared deeply into my eyes.

"A-Alright." His blue eyes just sparkled and his grin grew wider. He wrapped his arms around me. "Okay, I have to put pants on you know."

"Sorry, totally forgot." I rolled my eyes and put on black dress pants after he had let go of me. "Have fun at work!" I grabbed my jacket, keys, and gave him a gentle smile before I left the suite.

I walked down the hallway to the elevator. I pushed the down button and the elevator dinged signaling I could go on. I walked in and brought the elevator down to the lobby within a touch of my finger on the button. The local library wasn't far from the hotel, which was great. I walked the sidewalk to the library. It had some enchanting feeling to it when you look from the outside. It had dull red wooding and a screen door. It just seemed so homey. Something I wasn't able to experience at my own household. Though this library did me good. I walked in through the door having the bell ding above me.

"Hey sweetie!" I gave a smile to the shopkeeper. Abigail Bakerson. "How are you feeling today?" Abigail gave me a wrinkled smile back.

"I'm feeling a little nauseous, but it's deal-able." I put my coat on the coat rack and got straight to work. I put some books upon shelves according to genre and authors name.

Though it was really hard to concentrate when last night kept replaying in my head. I wanted to mentally kick myself because it was stupid to say. The feelings aren't mutual. What made me think that it was a good idea to tell him that. Through out the day, I got frustrated for getting the books messed up.

"Abigail, I think I'm done for today." I gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, there's just a lot on my mind. I'll see you tomorrow." I grabbed my coat and walked out the door waving.

On my way back to the hotel, I kept thinking about Andy. It seriously started to piss me off. Why? Because I confessed my feelings to him. When I got back to the suite I noticed a box outside the door. I looked around to see if anyone had dropped it off at the wrong door. Though when I looked at the box it said : To Cynthia for tonight. I grabbed the box and went inside after getting the door unlocked. I opened the box and saw a dress inside.

"Oh my god...." I took the dress out of the box. It was beautiful. It was a white spaghetti strap dress that had black polka-dots all over it. I took off my work clothes and put on the dress. I look in the bathroom mirror and saw that it looked good.

I heard my phone go off and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, where are you?" It had to have been at least 5 at the latest.

"Uhm, I'm at the hotel? What time is it?" I grabbed my black flats and slipped them on.

"It's 6 o' clock...." I heard the door knock and I opened it to see Andy all dressed up. "You look amazing." Andy gave me a smile. "You ready?" He held his hand out for me.

"Why, yes I am." I take his hand and we go on our way to a restaurant. We reached the restaurant within 10 minutes at least.

"Have I told you that you look beautiful?" I gave him a smile.

"Well, you said amazing." The waiter took us to a table and we sat down. "Though it's still the same isn't it?"

"I think beautiful is different from amazing." He took my hand and kissed it. "I have been wanting to say this for a while now...." His thumb gently rubbed the back of my hand. "I just never knew when to say it." Then suddenly his phone went off. "I'm sorry, I'll get that later."

"Andy get it now, please?" I gave him a puppy look. Then he finally gave in and answered the phone.

"Hello?" His tone was very annoyed. Then his facial expression changed from ticked off to shocked. "A-Angela?" My eyes grew wide. "How did you get this number?" Andy and I had changed our numbers so no one from school could contact us. "Look, I never want to speak to you ever again. You got it?" I felt eyes staring at our table. "I don't care! You cheated on me!" I stared at Andy's lips and bit my lower lip from the inside. "Go to hell!" Andy then ended the call. "I'm sorry Cynthia...."

"No, it's fine...." I changed my gaze from his lips to my hands. "Really it is." I saw Andy's hand on mine.

"Cynthia...." I looked up from our hands to his eyes. "Do you really love me?"

"Yes... I do." I looked away and drew my hands back from him.

The rest of the night was completely awkward. We didn't talk or look at each other the whole dinner. Andy paid and held my hand as we left the restaurant. His hand felt so soft and warm against the cold air of the night. Even with the walk back to the hotel, we never spoke a word. Since that day we never spoke a word to each other. I tried to smile at him whenever we saw each other in the morning, though he never returned it. Two weeks pass and still no word coming from his mouth.

"Andy...." I looked at him from the bed. "Can we talk?"

Andy just stared at me. I looked away and lied back down on the bed. I heard the door open and close and I was once again in a silent atmosphere.

"I guess not." I sat back up and looked for my diary. I haven't written in it since Andy started his first day at school. "Ah, found it." I grabbed my diary from my old backpack and walked to the table in the kitchen. I drew out the pen from the side of the diary and opened it up to an empty page.

Dear Diary,

It has been a real long time since I have last written. I met this kid named Andy Sixx about three months and three weeks ago. He's amazing. He makes me feel all special, loved. I confessed my feelings to him two weeks ago. Though I don't really think that the feeling is mutual. At all. I just think that it was really stupid of me to think that it was a good idea to tell him. The next day after I confessed, he took me out to dinner, I told him again that I love him though since that we haven't spoken a word to each other. It's driving me mad. I tried talking to him to day, but, my attempt was awful. So again I'm sitting alone taking my time off so i won't stress the baby. Yes, I am pregnant by stupid John. He fucked me up badly. Sometimes I just wish that this will all be a dream. Just a bad dream. Though I know it's not. It's reality. I'm pregnant with my brother's child, I'm in love with the man I live with, he won't talk to me, and I'm suicidal. I don't want to bring a baby into this world, having them know that their uncle is their father. Having them live in a cruel world where you lose the ones you love and are tortured in some way. A child should never half to go through that. NEVER. Maybe some day I will just off myself, and take my child with me. Saving it from hell. The same hell I'm going through right now.

Sincerely,

Cynthia