I Don't Even Know His Name...

“I can’t do this Rian, he won’t remember me, I couldn’t take knowing that he doesn’t remember anything that we went through” It was currently 2:25, five minutes had passed till the news was broken to us all. They had just asked if we wanted to go see how he was doing, but I knew I couldn’t go. Seeing him wired up to an IV would torture me. Knowing that this could have been avoided, that he wouldn’t be in the hospital right now, killed me inside.

Everyone around me was in utter shock, Alex’s parents wept beside me, knowing that their son won’t even recall who they are. Zack was currently outside, he told us he needed some space for a minute, no one questioned him. Whereas Rian was right next to me in the waiting room his arm around my shoulder. Although he was always level headed his eyes were red and his cheeks wet with tears. All of us were close to Alex in different ways so hearing this news hurt us all deeply.

“Jack if anyone could help Alex remember it’s you, no matter how difficult this is for all of us he needs us more than ever” his voice audibly cracked through the sentence but his message was clear. Deep down I knew he was right but I was scared, scared to see him in pain again. Using my hoodie sleeve to dry my eyes I sighed looking up at him.

“I’ll only go in if you guys are with me” Rian shifted slightly as Zack walked in but smiled.

“Of course we will be there” the same nurse walked in looking at all of us again. That was our cue to go see him. With Rians reassuring hold and Zack by my side it was time to suck it up and see Alex.

Slowly I rose from the rigid waiting room chairs and followed her silently. It was so clinical and depressing to walk down these long thin corridors. Even worse was catching glimpses of neighbouring wards either side of us. From little kids eagerly talking to their visitors to frail looking older people staring off into no-where. It really hits home that many of these people have to live here. I just pray Alex doesn’t have to join them. It wasn’t long before we reached a ward with “182” printed onto it, I couldn’t help but laugh, wow the irony. May Mark Hoppus be with me now. Before turning the handle the nurse turned around.

“I think it’s best if the patient’s parents go in first, it might help him recall more about himself,” she whispered we all agreed and let them through in front of us. Gingerly she pushed open the door; the room was pretty small only Alex occupied it with a small row of plain chairs by the side of the bed. But my eyes were trained on the body in the middle of the bed. I couldn’t help but cringe he was still wearing those blood soaked clothes and an IV had been pushed into his wrist. He was on his side, his breaths and the quiet beeps of the machine next to him were the only sounds that filled this room. The nurse touched his shoulder gently.

“Alex, you have some visitors here to see you” she stepped back nodding for us to step closer. He groaned weakly his arms stretched out as he slowly sat himself up. He looked so fragile barely having the strength to sit up, he slouched over slightly and his arms shook. It was only when he looked up with his dark brown eyes when I saw it. He wasn’t the same, the life, the humour that always seems to light up his eyes had left. All that remained were empty shells void of emotion other then pain and confusion.

“W-who are these people?” he sounded completely freaked out like he was sitting in front a group of terrorists. Looking up at the nurse she sighed pointing to us individually.

“This is your parents Alex” They proceeded to hug him both hysterical that he no recollection of them whatsoever. You could tell he was trying to remember anything as he frowned in concentration looking up at them intently. But after a few long seconds had passed he shook his head defeated.

“I’m really sorry I don’t think I know you,” he mumbled his voice thick with guilt. Surprisingly his mum smiled reassuringly.

“It’s okay I don’t expect you to remember everything right now Alex, I just hope one day you’ll remember us both” Fuck I could feel the hot tears run down my face again, I don’t know how they were both so strong right now. Reluctantly Zack pushed me forward so we were now crowded next to him. His eyes seem to trace up and down our figures as the nurse continued to explain.

“Well these are your best friends” she motioned to us to introduce ourselves. Rian went first, then Zack and then me. It was an awkward experience, we had to introduce ourselves to someone we have known for most of our lives. He stared into our eyes dazed.

“You all look so familiar, why don’t I recognise you?” we could all sense his frustration. The nurse stepped in.

“Look its okay Mr. Gaskarth, we don’t want to push you too hard right now, I think it’s best if you rest” He exhaled loudly rubbing his head in annoyance. But something happened when he looked up at me our eyes connecting. That spark I always felt around him ignited and even if it was for just a moment I knew he felt it too. I’m sure I saw his eyes brighten and his head cock to the side slightly. The mere action spurred me on. Don’t worry Lex, I thought I won’t give up.