Sequel: Four Years ›
Status: Completed. Read the sequel "Four Years" :)
My Saving Grace
Heart Song
Rachel's POV
My eyes slowly opened. Everything was fuzzy. I squinted my eyes so I could see better.
I was in a white room, with bright lights above me. I heard a faint beeping noise.
"Rachel?" A soft voice came from beside me.
I slowly turned my head to see Trick sitting in the chair beside the bed. "Wh - what hap - happened?" I choked out.
He took a deep breath in before letting it out slowly, "Rae, you fell."
"I wha?"
"You fell down the bus stairs and...and you lost...lost your baby," He spoke softly, his voice full of hurt.
My eyes widened, everything rushing back into me. I remembered falling down the stairs, hitting my head on something, my stomach scraping against the metal stairs...
"No," I breathed out. I shook my head, wanting to wake up from this nightmare. I shut my eyes as tight as I could. I opened them slowly, and saw the same thing I did as when I closed them.
"No, no, no!" I screamed, tears coming as fast as they had ever come before. "No, Patrick!" I continued screaming and bawling like a crazy woman. I just lost my fucking child.
"Rae...Rach...RACHEL!" He yelled, trying to get me to calm down.
"Where's Pe - et - ete - ?" I asked, trying to get his name out.
"In the waiting room," Trick said softly. "Do you want me to go get him?"
I nodded my head and brought my gown's sleeve up to my face, beginning to sob into it.
Today was officially the worst day of my entire life.
I found out Pete had been cheating on me, I lost my baby, and everyone at Warped Tour was probably laughing at me, or giving me their gross, fake sympathetic stares as I was loaded into the ambulance.
I heard a pair of footsteps walk into the room. Patrick and Pete. I looked up at them, earning sad looks.
"Can I talk to Rae alone?" I heard Pete say to Trick.
"Why, so you can push her and cause more damage?"
Push me? Pete didn't push me...he would never do that.
"I didn't fucking push her!" He whisper-yelled at Trick.
"Whatever you say, dude," Trick replied, rolling his eyes.
I sniffled and wiped my eyes with my gown sleeve. "He didn't push me," I weakly said, trying to hold back my tears.
Trick stared at me, confusion spread across his face.
"He would never push me. He would never think of harming me, Trick. How could you think that of your best friend?" I said, staring at the two. "You know him better than I do, and I know he wouldn't harm me. You should fucking know that!"
He looked down at his feet and sighed, "Whatever..."
I watched as Patrick walked out of the room.
Pete walked over and took a seat next to the small hospital bed I occupied. He looked down at his hands before letting out a long sigh, "You still want me to drop dead?"
"Pete, I can't believe you. You're fucking joking at a time like this?" I said, shaking my head.
"That was actually a legit question. It's all I've been thinking about, really. Well, that and the fact that you lost our bab - "
"Did you just say our baby?" I asked in complete shock. My mouth hung open slightly. He had the fucking nerve to say that I lost our baby?!
"Well, yeah. Rae, I know I made some mistakes. Please, can we work things out? I swear I'll never touch another - "
"Just shut up, Pete, okay? I can't handle any of your bullshit right now," I said, fooling with the remote that raised and lowered my bed. I was going to try to ignore him any way I could.
"Then why didya have Trick come get me?"
"I don't know, Peter," I mumbled. I accidentally pressed a red button. What did that do...?
A nurse came walking in, a smile painted on her middle-aged face, "Yes, Miss Woods?"
"Oh, I accidentally pushed the button...but now that you're here, can you please tell me when I can leave?" I asked her as I looked down at my little hospital blanket.
"Oh, yes, Doctor Ryan should come in shortly to speak to you. If she thinks everything is okay, then you are free to leave," She said, her smile still on her face.
"Thank you," I said, forcing a smile out.
She nodded and turned to leave, then stopped, turned back around to face Pete, "I am so sorry for your loss, son."
I didn't get a "so sorry for your loss" but he did? What the fuck.
"And, sweetheart, it's upsetting to see such a beautiful young woman like yourself in here with your boyfriend for losing a child. So upsetting. Your child would've been beautiful," She said, her voice full of sadness. She exited the room and left Pete and me to ourselves.
"This is all your fucking fault," I seethed. "If you hadn't fucking cheated on me...Josh would be safe!"
"My fault?" He laughed. "How is this all my fault? If you had just listened to me, and heard me out, then guess what? Josh would be fucking fine!"
"I swear to God, if I wasn't in such pain right now, I would get up and beat the fucking shit out of you. You disgust me, Pete. And to think I was going to let a stupid fucking cheater be the father of my child. What the hell was I on?"
"I would love to see you beat the shit out of me. You would never hurt me. You lov - "
I threw a box of tissues at him. The box hit him right in his eye. I smirked, and folded my arms across my chest, "I hate you, Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz."
He picked up the box of tissues and threw them towards me, but they landed at the end of my bed. He angrily stormed out of the room, muttering something I could not make out.
"And I want the fucking lightsaber back!" I screamed as he walked off down the hallway.
He turned on his heels, walked back to the room and said a simple little "No." before turning and walking away.
I rolled my eyes and slammed myself back into the uncomfortable pillows. What a fucking asshole.
I needed to get out of here. I hated this place. Everything was too clean and...horror movie looking. Yes, hospitals reminded me of horror movies. I didn't quite know why...
The buzz from the lights above me was going to drive me crazy. Where the hell was Dr. Ryan so I could be fucking released from this shit hole? I wanted to go home, lock myself in my bedroom, and just cry my eyes out.
I thought that running here would be the best for me. I guess I was wrong. It had caused more harm than good. At least if I was back in Maryland, I would be with my friends. I would probably still be with Alex. I would probably be out right now picking out cribs, and cute little clothes for my little Josh...
I broke down crying. I sobbed into my gowns sleeves. My little Josh was gone! I would never get to hold him! I would never get to hear him say 'mama'! I would never get to use the clothes my mother had gotten for him...
This was all Pete's fucking fault! I knew I should've never agreed to be his girlfriend! I knew it would be nothing but trouble! He shot me through the fucking heart.
"Rach? Oh, my God, are you okay!?" I heard Jess ask, panic apparent in her voice.
I looked up at her through my blurry eyes. I sniffled a bit before breaking down once again. I missed my little Josh!
"I mi - mi - miss Jo - Jos - Jos - Josh!" I bawled.
She rushed over to me and immediately wrapped me in a tight hug. I sobbed into her shoulder. I felt like my whole world just fucking crashed down. Nothing was left. I was all alone now. I didn't have Pete. I didn't have Josh. I didn't have Jack. I didn't have Alex. I had no one to love. I felt like dying.
"Jess?" I asked, sitting up a little.
"Yes?" She asked softly.
"Kill me?"
Her eyes went wide before pulling me close to her again, "No! And I'm not letting you kill yourself either!"
"I have no one," I said quietly.
"That is a lie. You have me, Trick, Joe, Andy. We all care about you so much, Rachel."
"I have no one," I repeated, staring blankly at the floor. I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve, and sniffled. "No one to love unconditionally..."
"Rachel, I know this is hard, but - "
"You have no idea how it feels, Jess," I said, still staring at the spot on the floor. I slightly shook my head. "No one knows how I feel right now."
"You can tell me how you feel, if you want."
"I feel like a mix of things...numb is the biggest one right now. A fool is also one..."
"Rach..."
"I want to go home," I said, looking up at her. "Go get the Doctor. I want to go home."
She stood up slowly, "Alright..."
***
I walked into the house slowly, just dragging my poor, pathetic self. I dragged myself up to my room. I shut the door behind me, locking it. I wanted to be alone.
I laid down on the bed slowly, curling up into a ball. I stared off at the wall. I felt a tear slide across the bridge of my nose, then drip onto my right cheek.
I quickly wiped it away. I sighed and brought the brown and blue comforter Pete and I had bought the second day I was here up over me. I laid under the giant comforter silently. I didn't move a muscle. I just stared at the dark blues and browns.
I sighed and slowly started tracing the little circles and swirls on the sheets. I didn't want to be here like this. Sure, I had done this before, but that's when I had Josh. I had someone with me.
Now, I had no one.
"I miss you, Josh," I whimpered, slowly petting my stomach. I winced as I felt a pain shoot through it. Doctor Ryan said I would feel an occasional pain shoot through. She just said that I should take some pain medication, and I would be fine.
I shut my eyes, gripping the blanket tightly. Pictures I thought Josh was gonna look like flashed through my head. I screamed loudly, throwing the covers off of me. All that time of picturing what Josh was gonna be like was now haunting me. I would never fucking know!
Jess came running into the room, worry spread across her face, "What's wrong?"
I fell back onto the bed and covered myself up again, not wanting to talk to her. I buried my face into the bed and started to sob.
"I - I can - can't do this, Je - Jess!" I sobbed into the sheets.
The bed sank down as she took a seat. She rubbed my back softly, whispering, "Babe, you can do this. I promise you."
"Jess, I want my fucking child back! No, I want my fucking life back! I want this all to be a terrible nightmare! I want to wake up with Jack right next to me, holding me protectively!" I sobbed even harder into the sheets.
"Do you want to go back to Maryland? I can take you back there tonight..." She said softly after a long moment of silence.
I sat up and looked at her, "No. I don't wanna go back. Nothing would be the same. I guess I'll just go back to school here, and start my life over."
She pulled me into a tight hug. "That's my girl," She whispered, rubbing my back softly.
My eyes slowly opened. Everything was fuzzy. I squinted my eyes so I could see better.
I was in a white room, with bright lights above me. I heard a faint beeping noise.
"Rachel?" A soft voice came from beside me.
I slowly turned my head to see Trick sitting in the chair beside the bed. "Wh - what hap - happened?" I choked out.
He took a deep breath in before letting it out slowly, "Rae, you fell."
"I wha?"
"You fell down the bus stairs and...and you lost...lost your baby," He spoke softly, his voice full of hurt.
My eyes widened, everything rushing back into me. I remembered falling down the stairs, hitting my head on something, my stomach scraping against the metal stairs...
"No," I breathed out. I shook my head, wanting to wake up from this nightmare. I shut my eyes as tight as I could. I opened them slowly, and saw the same thing I did as when I closed them.
"No, no, no!" I screamed, tears coming as fast as they had ever come before. "No, Patrick!" I continued screaming and bawling like a crazy woman. I just lost my fucking child.
"Rae...Rach...RACHEL!" He yelled, trying to get me to calm down.
"Where's Pe - et - ete - ?" I asked, trying to get his name out.
"In the waiting room," Trick said softly. "Do you want me to go get him?"
I nodded my head and brought my gown's sleeve up to my face, beginning to sob into it.
Today was officially the worst day of my entire life.
I found out Pete had been cheating on me, I lost my baby, and everyone at Warped Tour was probably laughing at me, or giving me their gross, fake sympathetic stares as I was loaded into the ambulance.
I heard a pair of footsteps walk into the room. Patrick and Pete. I looked up at them, earning sad looks.
"Can I talk to Rae alone?" I heard Pete say to Trick.
"Why, so you can push her and cause more damage?"
Push me? Pete didn't push me...he would never do that.
"I didn't fucking push her!" He whisper-yelled at Trick.
"Whatever you say, dude," Trick replied, rolling his eyes.
I sniffled and wiped my eyes with my gown sleeve. "He didn't push me," I weakly said, trying to hold back my tears.
Trick stared at me, confusion spread across his face.
"He would never push me. He would never think of harming me, Trick. How could you think that of your best friend?" I said, staring at the two. "You know him better than I do, and I know he wouldn't harm me. You should fucking know that!"
He looked down at his feet and sighed, "Whatever..."
I watched as Patrick walked out of the room.
Pete walked over and took a seat next to the small hospital bed I occupied. He looked down at his hands before letting out a long sigh, "You still want me to drop dead?"
"Pete, I can't believe you. You're fucking joking at a time like this?" I said, shaking my head.
"That was actually a legit question. It's all I've been thinking about, really. Well, that and the fact that you lost our bab - "
"Did you just say our baby?" I asked in complete shock. My mouth hung open slightly. He had the fucking nerve to say that I lost our baby?!
"Well, yeah. Rae, I know I made some mistakes. Please, can we work things out? I swear I'll never touch another - "
"Just shut up, Pete, okay? I can't handle any of your bullshit right now," I said, fooling with the remote that raised and lowered my bed. I was going to try to ignore him any way I could.
"Then why didya have Trick come get me?"
"I don't know, Peter," I mumbled. I accidentally pressed a red button. What did that do...?
A nurse came walking in, a smile painted on her middle-aged face, "Yes, Miss Woods?"
"Oh, I accidentally pushed the button...but now that you're here, can you please tell me when I can leave?" I asked her as I looked down at my little hospital blanket.
"Oh, yes, Doctor Ryan should come in shortly to speak to you. If she thinks everything is okay, then you are free to leave," She said, her smile still on her face.
"Thank you," I said, forcing a smile out.
She nodded and turned to leave, then stopped, turned back around to face Pete, "I am so sorry for your loss, son."
I didn't get a "so sorry for your loss" but he did? What the fuck.
"And, sweetheart, it's upsetting to see such a beautiful young woman like yourself in here with your boyfriend for losing a child. So upsetting. Your child would've been beautiful," She said, her voice full of sadness. She exited the room and left Pete and me to ourselves.
"This is all your fucking fault," I seethed. "If you hadn't fucking cheated on me...Josh would be safe!"
"My fault?" He laughed. "How is this all my fault? If you had just listened to me, and heard me out, then guess what? Josh would be fucking fine!"
"I swear to God, if I wasn't in such pain right now, I would get up and beat the fucking shit out of you. You disgust me, Pete. And to think I was going to let a stupid fucking cheater be the father of my child. What the hell was I on?"
"I would love to see you beat the shit out of me. You would never hurt me. You lov - "
I threw a box of tissues at him. The box hit him right in his eye. I smirked, and folded my arms across my chest, "I hate you, Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz."
He picked up the box of tissues and threw them towards me, but they landed at the end of my bed. He angrily stormed out of the room, muttering something I could not make out.
"And I want the fucking lightsaber back!" I screamed as he walked off down the hallway.
He turned on his heels, walked back to the room and said a simple little "No." before turning and walking away.
I rolled my eyes and slammed myself back into the uncomfortable pillows. What a fucking asshole.
I needed to get out of here. I hated this place. Everything was too clean and...horror movie looking. Yes, hospitals reminded me of horror movies. I didn't quite know why...
The buzz from the lights above me was going to drive me crazy. Where the hell was Dr. Ryan so I could be fucking released from this shit hole? I wanted to go home, lock myself in my bedroom, and just cry my eyes out.
I thought that running here would be the best for me. I guess I was wrong. It had caused more harm than good. At least if I was back in Maryland, I would be with my friends. I would probably still be with Alex. I would probably be out right now picking out cribs, and cute little clothes for my little Josh...
I broke down crying. I sobbed into my gowns sleeves. My little Josh was gone! I would never get to hold him! I would never get to hear him say 'mama'! I would never get to use the clothes my mother had gotten for him...
This was all Pete's fucking fault! I knew I should've never agreed to be his girlfriend! I knew it would be nothing but trouble! He shot me through the fucking heart.
"Rach? Oh, my God, are you okay!?" I heard Jess ask, panic apparent in her voice.
I looked up at her through my blurry eyes. I sniffled a bit before breaking down once again. I missed my little Josh!
"I mi - mi - miss Jo - Jos - Jos - Josh!" I bawled.
She rushed over to me and immediately wrapped me in a tight hug. I sobbed into her shoulder. I felt like my whole world just fucking crashed down. Nothing was left. I was all alone now. I didn't have Pete. I didn't have Josh. I didn't have Jack. I didn't have Alex. I had no one to love. I felt like dying.
"Jess?" I asked, sitting up a little.
"Yes?" She asked softly.
"Kill me?"
Her eyes went wide before pulling me close to her again, "No! And I'm not letting you kill yourself either!"
"I have no one," I said quietly.
"That is a lie. You have me, Trick, Joe, Andy. We all care about you so much, Rachel."
"I have no one," I repeated, staring blankly at the floor. I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve, and sniffled. "No one to love unconditionally..."
"Rachel, I know this is hard, but - "
"You have no idea how it feels, Jess," I said, still staring at the spot on the floor. I slightly shook my head. "No one knows how I feel right now."
"You can tell me how you feel, if you want."
"I feel like a mix of things...numb is the biggest one right now. A fool is also one..."
"Rach..."
"I want to go home," I said, looking up at her. "Go get the Doctor. I want to go home."
She stood up slowly, "Alright..."
***
I walked into the house slowly, just dragging my poor, pathetic self. I dragged myself up to my room. I shut the door behind me, locking it. I wanted to be alone.
I laid down on the bed slowly, curling up into a ball. I stared off at the wall. I felt a tear slide across the bridge of my nose, then drip onto my right cheek.
I quickly wiped it away. I sighed and brought the brown and blue comforter Pete and I had bought the second day I was here up over me. I laid under the giant comforter silently. I didn't move a muscle. I just stared at the dark blues and browns.
I sighed and slowly started tracing the little circles and swirls on the sheets. I didn't want to be here like this. Sure, I had done this before, but that's when I had Josh. I had someone with me.
Now, I had no one.
"I miss you, Josh," I whimpered, slowly petting my stomach. I winced as I felt a pain shoot through it. Doctor Ryan said I would feel an occasional pain shoot through. She just said that I should take some pain medication, and I would be fine.
I shut my eyes, gripping the blanket tightly. Pictures I thought Josh was gonna look like flashed through my head. I screamed loudly, throwing the covers off of me. All that time of picturing what Josh was gonna be like was now haunting me. I would never fucking know!
Jess came running into the room, worry spread across her face, "What's wrong?"
I fell back onto the bed and covered myself up again, not wanting to talk to her. I buried my face into the bed and started to sob.
"I - I can - can't do this, Je - Jess!" I sobbed into the sheets.
The bed sank down as she took a seat. She rubbed my back softly, whispering, "Babe, you can do this. I promise you."
"Jess, I want my fucking child back! No, I want my fucking life back! I want this all to be a terrible nightmare! I want to wake up with Jack right next to me, holding me protectively!" I sobbed even harder into the sheets.
"Do you want to go back to Maryland? I can take you back there tonight..." She said softly after a long moment of silence.
I sat up and looked at her, "No. I don't wanna go back. Nothing would be the same. I guess I'll just go back to school here, and start my life over."
She pulled me into a tight hug. "That's my girl," She whispered, rubbing my back softly.
♠ ♠ ♠
title credit://heart song - automatic loveletter.dudes. i got like five more subscribers, but only two comments? guuuuuuuuuys, whyyyyy. i love you alllllll. i need the feedback tho. you make my heart hurt 'cause you show no luv. :( and that was my sldkfjlsekf i almost cried writing that last chapter. okay.
lol okay all of that aside...
oh, and yes, she bought pete a lightsaber for his birthday. hahahaha.
I AM GOING TO SEE TRAVIE MCCOY AND BLACK CARDS ON SUNDAY. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
I'M SO EXCITED OH MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA. DJFGLKDGJKFG. I MIGHT MEET PETE. :'))))))
/outburst.
thank you -
alwaysshoutforever
rivals are insane
<3
five comments and the next update goes up friday night. :)
x.