Shooting Stars and Satellites

I gasped for air as I opened my eyes. My hands immediately flew to my neck, and I rubbed my skin, trying to get oxygen back into my body.

“Alaska?” a raspy voice called my name.

I slowly turned my head, not wanting to believe that he was really in bed with me. He looked up at me with half opened eyes, and I gasped again, tears coming to my eyes this time. How could I have done this myself? To Gavin?

I clamped my eyes shut and slowly lifted the sheets off of my body, praying that I had some form of clothes on. When I looked, I was met with disappointment as I saw my naked body laying beside John’s. Suddenly, I felt as if my airways were being closed again, and I began rocking back and forth.

“Alaska, what’s wrong!?” John asked, sitting up and attempting to put his arms around me.

I pushed him off and looked at him, seeing his figure as a blurry mess. “What did we do!?” I whispered in a harsh voice, my voice wavering with sobs.

A look of hurt came over John’s face and he sighed. “I knew this was going to happen. Fuck,” he said, running his hands through his hair.

I placed my hand over my mouth as I felt a vile taste making its way up my throat. I threw my covers off and prayed to God that no one was in the hallway as I made a run for the bathroom. I hovered over the toilet bowl, vomiting. My stomach was filled with an abominable feeling and my head was spinning.

When I was done, I flushed the mess and stood up slowly, rinsing my mouth out with water. I couldn’t even bare to glance at myself in the mirror. I opened the door slowly and peeked out, making sure the hall was clear. When I saw no one, I ran back into my room, and stood against my door, catching my breath.

“Can we talk?”

I jumped as I remembered John was in the room, and began scrambling my floor for my clothes. “No, we can’t talk.”

“Alaska, you’re not being fair,” he stated.

I looked up, narrowing my eyes at him. “I don’t give a shit! We slept together, John! We fucking slept together! I know it may not mean shit to you, but it does to me!” Tears began descending my cheeks quickly now. “I have the most fucking important meeting of my life in a few hours, and I woke up naked next to you!”

A sudden anger filled his eyes. “I didn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want to, Alaska! You wanted me just as much as I fucking wanted you!”

“Goddammit!” I yelled, frustrated that I couldn’t find my shirt and at John’s words. I sat on my knees and cradled my face in my hands. “I’m so sorry, Gavin,” I whispered, feeling defeated.

“What?”

I sucked in a breath of air as I felt my bottom lip tremble. “I – This – This was a mistake, John; a horrible mistake.”

“And why do you think that?” he asked, disappointment in his tone.

“Because I feel as if I’ve shamed Gavin,” I admitted, sniffling. “I don’t want him to be angry with me,” I cried.

“Oh, Dove,” he whispered, moving so he was sitting on the edge of my bed. “Come here.”

Not having the energy to argue with him any longer, I stood up and walked over to him. There was no need to hide my nudity, as he had seen every bit of me last night.

“What?” I asked, not being able to look him in the eyes.

“Alaska, listen to me, okay? I know that everything seems shitty right now and that you’re a mix of emotions, but trust me when I say this, Gavin is not angry with you. You two shared a love once, and I respect that – I have to. But he’s gone, now, Dove, and I know for a fact that he wouldn’t want you to carry around this sadness and guilt that you do. He’d want you to be happy. He’d want you to find love again, because he wouldn’t want you going through the rest of your life alone. I know that you’re hurting and that you feel like you did something wrong, but you didn’t, babe.” He grabbed my hands, placing them against his chest and looked me in the eyes. “I love you, and I know that you love me, even if you can’t say it yet. I want to make you happy, but you have to want to be happy first, Alaska.”

His words brought a small smile to my face, and I wiped my eyes. “I’m just scared of hurting him …”

“You’re hurting him by living your life unhappily.”

I stared at him for a moment, letting his words sink into me. “Just – just give me until tomorrow, okay? Today’s going to be hard enough for me, and I just – I need tomorrow.”

He smiled genuinely and nodded his head, pulling me into a hug. “I’ll be here whenever you’re ready, Dove.”

I sighed uneasily and closed my eyes as I rested my chin on his shoulder. The amount of emotions coursing through my body was almost too much too handle, but having John’s arms around me, and his words swirling around in my head, I felt a sense of relief.

________________________________________________________

My legs felt like Jell-O as I walked down the aisle of the court room, and I suddenly regretted wearing heels. As we approached the front of the room, I felt my body go stiff as I felt four pairs of evil eyes on me. I turned around, coming face to face with my dad, who wrapped his arms around me.

“You can do this, baby girl,” he whispered in my ear.

I nodded my head and tried to breathe as I stood behind a table with Mr. Batten, my lawyer. Being that I had no witness to help me with my case, it would be just he and I fighting for my justice.

Both the defendants and I gave our oaths, before the bailiff ordered everyone to rise as the judge entered the courtroom. He was a silver haired man, bordering on the age of being elderly. He wore big glasses, and he looked extremely intimidating. But then again, I guess you had to be when you were in this type of business. After ordering everyone to take their seats, he looked at the four boys sitting to the left of me.

“Tommy Phillips, Ryan Edwards, Spencer McGee, and Donald Maynard, you have all pleaded not guilty, is that correct?” the judge asked, looking over the tops of his lenses. I watched as they all nodded their heads, feeling completely shocked and disgusted. “Alright, and Miss Brock, you are the plaintiff in this court, so I will allow your lawyer, Mr. Batten, to proceed first with his defense.”

And so it began. Every nerve in my body was awake and wired and my stomach kept doing flip flops. With every question, I was on the edge of my seat, and I only hoped that Mr. Batten could prove those four bastards were guilty.

“Miss Brock,” I snapped my head up once I heard my name being called. “You’re being called to the stand,” Judge Daniels stated.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I apologized before standing up. I smoothed out the bottom half of my dress as I began making my way to the stand. With every click of my heel, I could feel my heart pounding against my chest and I had to remind myself to breathe.

Mr. Vasquez, the lawyer for the bastards, gave me a look of sympathy as I took my seat, and I had to wonder if a part of him ever hated his job, because of the fact that he had to defend people like Tommy, Spencer, Ryan and Donnie. He began sputtering out questions, and I answered them the best I could, even though my voice was shaking. When he was done with me, the judge looked my way.

“Do you have anything else you would like to say, Miss Brock?” he asked.

I licked my lips and nodded my head, only hoping that I could build up the courage to say what I had to. “I do.”

“Go ahead, Miss,” he said, looking at me.

I suddenly felt very aware of all the eyes on me, and just as I felt like I couldn’t do this anymore, my gaze fell upon the hazel eyed boy who was watching me intently. He gave me a delicate smile and nodded his head, as if to tell me I could do this.

“I – I just want you – Tommy, Spencer, Ryan and Donnie – to know that you took someone whom I loved dearly away. You took him away from me without so much as a second thought, and I don’t know how any human being can do that.” I felt the tears coming, but I pressed on. “You – you – you raped me, and you beat me and left me for dead in the woods. You’ve taken a piece of my soul that I can never get back, and it hurts. It hurts in ways that no one, unless they’ve been in my position, will ever be able to understand. And yet, you all sit there with a smile on your face, feeling no remorse for what you’ve done to me, and for what you did to Gavin … I hope you all rot away in your cells and maybe then you can take the time to think about how much grief and pain you’ve caused others in this world.” With that, I wiped my eyes and looked at the judge, who held an indescribable look on his face. “I’m done,” I stated before getting up and walking back to my table.

Silence filled the room as I sat down, and I could tell my words had left a mark. After hushed whispers and calling both lawyers up to the judge’s desk, it was time for the jury to reveal their decision. As they passed their vote up to the judge, I felt my heart stop beating and I closed my eyes, praying that the right decision would be made.

“The jury finds you, Tommy Phillips, Ryan Edwards, Spencer McGee, and Donald Maynard, guilty of all charges,” he read.

And suddenly, I felt my heart begin to beat again. I felt my lungs fill with air, and I felt tears prick my eyes. I felt a sense of weightlessness come over me, and I gasped, pressing my hand to my mouth. They were found guilty.

My family, John, Roxie, Garrett, Jared and Pat all ran up to me, engulfing me in hugs as they all cheered for our triumph.

I’d never known such a greater feeling in my life.

________________________________________________

Walking out of the courthouse, cameras flashed and local news reporters hoarded me and my family, and my dad brought his jacket over my face, pushing them all away. I couldn’t believe that this was happening; I felt as if I were having an out of body experience.

Once we were all safely out of reach of the reporters, my dad pulled his jacket away and looked at me.

“I’m proud of you, Alaska. You sat up there and you said what you needed to, and justice was served. I love you, honey,” he said before bending down and placing a kiss on my forehead.

I smiled and my mother pulled me into a tight hug, nearly crushing me. “I love you. I love you so much.”

I held back the tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes. “I love you, too, mom.”

Kennedy gave me a smile before pulling into a hug as well. “I love you, sis.”

I laughed lightly. “I love you, too, big bro.”

“We better get home before the cameras find us. Alaska, do you want to ride with your mother and me?” my dad asked.

I looked at Kennedy. “Uh, if it’s alright, I’d like to ride with Kenny.”

“Of course it’s alright. We’ll see you all at home, and be careful, sweetie,” my mom said, giving my hand a squeeze before her and my father walked towards their car.

“What’s up?” my brother asked, already knowing there was a reason I didn't want to ride home with my parents.

I looked between him, our group of friends, and John. "Can you guys give John and I a moment?"

They all nodded their heads, and John looked at me with curious eyes. "What's going on, Dove?"

I took in a big breath of air and grabbed his hands. "Do you really want to be with me, John? I mean, commit to me. I know your past, but I also know who you are as a person. If I get into this relationship, I need to know that you'll be just as committed to me, as I'll be to you."

A hopeful smile decorated his face. "Alaska, I want to be with you and only you. You don't have to worry about that."

I felt my lips effortlessly pull back into a smile. "Before we do this, there's something I need to do." My eyes fell to the large diamond on my ring finger, and he looked down at my hand.

Without me saying anything more, he nodded his head - already knowing.