Ready For Your Love
Loving hatred
Running out of the stable, I’m blinded by tears. Hatred and love washing over me, I trip and fall into a puddle of mud. “GOD DAMNIT,” I yell desperate, smashing my fist in the mud, making it splash up even more.
This relationship is coming to its cigarette butt. I’m sick of him toying me around. He builds me up and breaks me down time and time again.
And all I do, is wait for him to come back and redo it.
I love him. With all my heart and soul. I love his entire being.
I hate him. He left me only a month after our baby was born. I hate every single thing about him.
How can he ask for me to forgive him? How can he come back to me every time?
Does he even give a single shit about me?
I will wait for you.
Endlessly.
So you would realize this love was meant to be.
Even though this hate feels so right, too.
As I lay there, in the puddle, getting soaked with the mud, tears stream down my face like a waterfall. My dogs come walking towards me, and lay down next to me, my sadness portraying them, too.
I can’t give up on him. Not until I get my heart back.
I punch the ground again and again, for him. For him to return. To return my love.
This endless love of mine for him will be the death of me, probably, but I couldn’t care less anymore.
I wish a heart, a love, was a present in a box you give to someone, and that you could ask back when you need to.
Gerard walks out of the stable, his phone still pressed to his ear, the smile still painting his face. Looking for me, wherever I went to, his smile disappears and his phone crashes on the soft grass.
As he runs towards me, I remember myself it’s not the way I want him to and dig my face into the mud. I’d really love to die now. I should have gotten away before he reached me.
Placing his hand on my thigh, he rolls me over to get my face above surface. I hold in my breath, even though I know you can’t choke yourself like that. He wipes the dirt out of my face, and I peek through my eyelids to see his face.
It still has its perfection that I wish it didn’t have. His half long black matted hair, so messy, as if he hasn’t combed it for weeks, but still so soft that it’s hard to resist touching it. Those eyes, speak of divine, brown with a touch of God – I mean, gold. Brown sunflower eyes, my favourite of all time. Oh, and his nose. Do I even have to start about his nose, a-and his lips, and ah… Everything about him.
I sigh, realizing he still has all of me. As I realize I’d let go of my breath, I sigh again. Here goes my plan of having him plea for me to breath and me asking him why I would and him telling me that he cares and that he wants me to live. As I slap myself for being so goddamn stupid, I feel something drip on my face. I look up, and see Gerard leaning over me, one hand and leg on each side of me. And he’s fucking crying.
“Why the fuck are you crying?” I ask, building up some attitude even though I’m lying in the mud with a tear stained, dirty face, and my eyes probably speak of infinite sadness, too.
He shakes his head, sniffs once and presses his lips to mine.
This relationship is coming to its cigarette butt. I’m sick of him toying me around. He builds me up and breaks me down time and time again.
And all I do, is wait for him to come back and redo it.
I love him. With all my heart and soul. I love his entire being.
I hate him. He left me only a month after our baby was born. I hate every single thing about him.
How can he ask for me to forgive him? How can he come back to me every time?
Does he even give a single shit about me?
I will wait for you.
Endlessly.
So you would realize this love was meant to be.
Even though this hate feels so right, too.
As I lay there, in the puddle, getting soaked with the mud, tears stream down my face like a waterfall. My dogs come walking towards me, and lay down next to me, my sadness portraying them, too.
I can’t give up on him. Not until I get my heart back.
I punch the ground again and again, for him. For him to return. To return my love.
This endless love of mine for him will be the death of me, probably, but I couldn’t care less anymore.
I wish a heart, a love, was a present in a box you give to someone, and that you could ask back when you need to.
Gerard walks out of the stable, his phone still pressed to his ear, the smile still painting his face. Looking for me, wherever I went to, his smile disappears and his phone crashes on the soft grass.
As he runs towards me, I remember myself it’s not the way I want him to and dig my face into the mud. I’d really love to die now. I should have gotten away before he reached me.
Placing his hand on my thigh, he rolls me over to get my face above surface. I hold in my breath, even though I know you can’t choke yourself like that. He wipes the dirt out of my face, and I peek through my eyelids to see his face.
It still has its perfection that I wish it didn’t have. His half long black matted hair, so messy, as if he hasn’t combed it for weeks, but still so soft that it’s hard to resist touching it. Those eyes, speak of divine, brown with a touch of God – I mean, gold. Brown sunflower eyes, my favourite of all time. Oh, and his nose. Do I even have to start about his nose, a-and his lips, and ah… Everything about him.
I sigh, realizing he still has all of me. As I realize I’d let go of my breath, I sigh again. Here goes my plan of having him plea for me to breath and me asking him why I would and him telling me that he cares and that he wants me to live. As I slap myself for being so goddamn stupid, I feel something drip on my face. I look up, and see Gerard leaning over me, one hand and leg on each side of me. And he’s fucking crying.
“Why the fuck are you crying?” I ask, building up some attitude even though I’m lying in the mud with a tear stained, dirty face, and my eyes probably speak of infinite sadness, too.
He shakes his head, sniffs once and presses his lips to mine.