Who We'll Be

At first I couldn’t make myself move, because every inch of me just started to freeze up, as if ice had started to cover my every vein, too taken aback about what he did.

But my affection for him soon melted the frost of my stunned senses.

I gave in.

We began kissing fervently, like some reckless lunatics that were kissing for the first time, and realizing how much they like it.

I had to admit, Sky sure is one hell of an excellent kisser. Not that I had any other kiss to compare it with. I just know. This is my first time. I've always liked my first kiss to be somewhere romantic, either in front of a sunset or any other silly places girls usually dream about. But it's here, it's happening, in Sky's messy room. But in that moment, I couldn't ask for more.

I pulled him closer, wrapped my arms around him, and pulled his hair aggressively. He responded enthusiastically.

He braced his arms around me, and the more tightly, the more I got thrilled.

And okay, there was more than just kissing going on...

…but the time came when we stopped, needing some room to breathe.

We were panting heavily, until we sucked in enough air to finally have the rationality of understanding the situation.

And that’s the moment when we both realized what we just did.

And I really thought that was it.

That I’d be able to tell my feelings for him.

That I could gather up all my courage to confess...because of our kiss.

Like that kiss was the key to open the door to tell him everything…

…but it turned out quite the opposite.

Sky just looked at me in horror, as if he suddenly realized something appalling that his eyes broadened with shock.

What now?

I didn’t know what to do. I just looked at him, tongue-tied.

What does that look mean?

He looked…scared.

Did I scare him away?

What did I do wrong?

Oh sheep…

Did I kiss like a llama?!

For a short while we just stared at each other, and it was the most uncomfortable position I've ever been in all my life, and my head was spinning like crazy, and every negative thought kept on popping in my head, because of Sky’s peculiar reaction.

That’s when I couldn’t help myself.

I ran.

I wanted to cry. I don’t know why I wanted to, but that’s what I felt. I sprinted out of his house, chocking back tears.

I ran straight to my bedroom and sat on my bed, thinking about what happened.

I touched my lips.

Sky Winter just kissed me.

Sky, my best friend, just kissed me.

My best friend, whom I’ve known and love all my life just kissed me. On the lips.

I can’t believe it.

But why do I feel this way?

I mean, I’m supposed to be the happiest girl in the world.

But why don't I feel like one?

Oh, right.

Because of his reactionafter the kiss.

I could tell he regretted it. I could just tell.

* * *

“Symmy! You came! I’m so happy!” Jane hugged me as I reached the crowd standing near the gates of the amusement park.

The park was the place where Jane decided to celebrate her seventeenth birthday with some friends, and she invited Matt, me and a few other friends of hers. I think there where ten of us.

Of course, Sky’s included too.

I didn’t get the chance to talk to him this morning about what happened last night, because I didn’t pass by his house.

And you’re asking why?

Because...oh I dunno...maybe because of the extreme awkwardness?!

I mean, I can’t just go to his house and be all, ‘Hey, Jane invited me too. Let’s go to the amusement park together, because it’s so not awkward going to the park with you after we kissed last night and seeing that reaction of yours like you’ve just kissed a really ugly raccoon who kiss like a llama that goes ‘moo-moo-I-love-you-moo’...’

...oh wait, cows say that.

And I don’t even know why I'm comparing myself to a raccoon. Raccoons are cute…

…maybe I’ll just compare myself to a monkey. Not the cute kind.

Anyways, Sky was talking to some friends, and what’s weird was that when he saw me, he started to look really astonished.

He must be thinking…

‘Oooh, there’s the monkey that kisses like a llama!!! Watch out people of the amusement park!!! Run while you can! Save yourselves!’

And what’s even weirder was I still can’t stop...staring at his lips.

I mean, just looking at them made me want to lurch my tongue down his throat one more time.

I can tell he was about to say something, when Jane suddenly shouted, “Let’s eat first!”

We went to the food court of the park, and the place was filled lots people with dates, making me realize that Valentine’s Day is just a few days away, and that I didn't really care.

We started eating and laughing together at the food court—Sky’s was beside me, but we didn’t talk. I was talking to the others, and Sky was too, and there we were, both of us talking, to everybody else, and not feeling so awkward...

...until Jane and Matt started making out in front of us.

I looked at them in disgust. I mean, dude, c’mon, that is so Public Display of Affection!

And not just that...

...it also made me and Sky feel a whole lot more awkward!

I could tell because Sky and I quickly looked away from them, at the exact same time, which made us look at each other, and now we were blushing right to the bones, and I recalled everything so perfectly, about what happened last night...

It reminded me of how I held him...

...how he kissed me like he enjoyed it too...

And then we both looked away, at the exact same time too.

After eating, we decided to split up, and now I’m stuck with Jane, Matt and Sky.

But when the afternoon came, Jane and Matt decided to go to the ferris wheel, but they said they wanted to be alone, and Jane kept on begging me to ride too, so now I'm just stuck with Sky.

And I got one word:

Awkwardness.

We were sitting next to each other, and I still can’t help but stare at Sky’s lips.

Since Valentine’s Day is near, I have a new V-day resolution: I will not look at Sky’s lips.

Starting now.

Must…stop…staring…at Sky’s lips….

But Sky suddenly noticed me still staring.

I looked away from him.

Two words:

Absolute awkwardness.

I never really thought that time will come where I’ll feel awkward around Sky.

Ugh.

Why the heck did I even agree on this?! If I ever make it out alive, I swear, Jane will pay—

“Symmery...”

I shyly looked at Sky, trying my hardest not to look at his lips.

“I’m really sorry about what happened last night, okay?!” Sky suddenly apologized. “I was drunk, and I don’t know half of what I was doing...please forg—“

“No, it’s okay.” I gave him a shy smile. “I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Really?”

Dumbo! Don’t you see? I want you to MEAN it!

“So...you’re forgiving me?”

I rolled my eyes, but I flashed a smile at him. “Duh!”

Sky gave me his heart-melting smile.

And just like that, all my insecurities vanished. Every fear, even the thought of the monkey-llama theory, was gone, just like that....

* * *

“Hey, don’t move so much!” I told him.

As you can see, I am very afraid of heights, and I only agreed to do this is because it’s Jane’s birthday, and to experience being on the ferris wheel again after a long time.

And the seat we’re now in was at the top of the wheel, and Sky kept on moving like it’s on the bottom.

“What? Why?” Sky asked. “You mean I shouldn’t move? Like this?”

“YES.”

But Sky kept on moving, like the seat we’re in was a swing.

“STOP!”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“What if I force you to?!”

Sky grinned.

“Make me.”

I was about to grab both of his hands that were making the seat move, when Sky swayed the seat a little too fast…

…making me accidentally wrap my arms around him, out of panic. I was seriously about to cry.

Sky smiled at my gesture.

For some reason, I was about to remove my arms that were wrapped around him, when he stopped me...

...by suddenly holding my hand. Just like what he did to Rowena, but I personally think his grip was tighter this time.

I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Symmery...?”

I looked at him.

"Yeah...?”

“What will you do if…"

"If...?"

He looked back at me with a serious expression.

"...if I actually meant to kiss you last night on purpose?”