Love Song

Amy

Josh called me at around eleven telling me that Jordan was in labor. If I wasn’t in San Francisco, I would’ve been with her the entire time. I also would’ve been asking the doctor as to why in the hell she went into premature labor. I talked to Josh a little while later and found out that psychological stress is a cause of having a premature baby.

I didn’t even have to think about how that fit. It fit oh so perfectly.

I hadn’t even unpacked yet when Josh called. My phone rang right after I unzipped my bag, so I couldn’t exactly leave right away and I wouldn’t be able to stay for very long. I decided to hold off on the unpacking and just grab some clothes and showered.

I rushed out of the shower as if I was late, even though Jordan wouldn’t be expecting me for some time. I grabbed some purple hair clips to go with my purple and white striped sweater and quickly put on my Hello Kitty necklace. Why accessories mattered at all right now was beyond me.

I shoved my feet, almost angrily into my flats and grabbed my keys, not caring about the fact that the ends of my wet hair were dripping down my back, making me even colder than I already was. My keys were inches from unlocking my car when I heard high heels obnoxiously clicking towards me.

“Well, hi Ames,” I heard Katie’s squeaky little voice giggle. I turned my body around as calmly as I could and stared her dead in the eyes.

“So, yeah I’m sorry about earlier,” she said, looking around with her hands behind her back, but I could tell she was desperately fighting the urge to smile and laugh at me.

“That was supposed to be an apology? If you really want to make this up to me, you can go jump in front of a bus,” I snapped.

“Oh no, I’m not apologizing for what I did, I’m apologizing for Sean. I was too much for him and he just gave in, think of it as me helping you weed out the losers,” Katie said with thick venom hidden in her voice.

“The loser here is you Katie,” I scoffed as I turned back around and turned my focus back to Jordan.

“You shouldn’t be surprised this happened Amy. You just didn’t love him enough,” she taunted. I tried to twist the key to unlock the door, but my hands were shaking violently with rage. She was trying to get me to start something, and at this point it was working. I was ready to tear her eyes out.

I turned around and breathed heavily, “never say that I didn’t love him enough,”

I loved Sean with every ounce of my being. If I loved him anymore, I wouldn’t have enough room in my heart and soul for Jordan or Sam or my family.

“Well apparently not. You bored him. He needs someone spontaneous and unpredictable like me!” she said.

“You say spontaneous and unpredictable, I say slutty and manipulative,” I snapped, fighting off the tears that wanted to flood down my face.

“Sean doesn’t think I’m slutty. Why else would he choose me over you? He doesn’t love you anymore Amy,” she said, now beginning her laughing fit.

I looked up at the gloomy gray sky as the beginning of rainfall appeared, Little drops landed softly on my face every few seconds. I thought the cold rain would soothe my boiling blood, but it didn’t.

My body numbed as I raised my fist and threw a hard punch against Katie’s face. She stumbled back and fell onto her back. She was back onto her feet in seconds, running at me, ready to punch me back. I moved my face out of the way and grabbed her by the hair and started pulling until she fell to her knees.

“Amy let go let go let GO!” She screamed trying to push me away. But the more she tried to struggle, the more hair I gathered into my fist and the harder I pulled. She finally stopped her squirming and screaming, which made me loosen my grip.

“Now, here’s what’s going to happen,” I started, yanking on her hair, making her stand up, “you’re going to leave me alone. You won’t speak to me. You won’t give me any of those dirty looks you love so much. You don’t even look at me.”

“Ok, ok I’ll leave you alone! Just let go of my hair!” she screamed again. I pushed her, making her stumble forward. She sighed and patted the back of her head, smoothing the big lump where I grabbed.

“Now, just get out of my sight,” I said as I turned and walked back to my car. I heard the clip-clop of her heels get softer and softer until she was gone.

It was finally over and I could get to Jordan. I sighed when I heard his voice calling my name. I didn’t even bother to turn and acknowledge him. I opened my car door and climbed inside and was about to shut it when he was suddenly in my face.

“Amy! Didn’t you hear me call your name?” he asked, out of breath, slightly wet from the rain that was falling more rapidly.

“Yes Sean I heard you, now let me close my door. I’m getting rain on the inside of my door,” I said blankly, refusing to look at him.

“Didn’t you get my texts and the messages I’ve been leaving?” he asked.

“Yes Sean I got all one hundred of your texts and messages,” I scoffed, grabbing a hold of my steering wheel and squeezing harder and harder, despite the pain in my knuckles from when I’d punched Katie.

“Can’t you just hear me out?!” he pleaded. I stayed silent for a moment, trying to decide what the hell I should do. I could’ve been wrong. I could’ve misunderstood. Or maybe I didn’t misunderstand and Sean was no better than Peter.

“No Sean…now move,” I said. Without anymore pleading or begging or anything, he moved out of the way and let me close my door, which made me want to burst into tears. I rolled down the window and narrowed my eyes at him.

“This whole thing is probably my fault too…I should’ve gotten out of this relationship before this could happen,” I said. His eyes widened and he was about to respond, but I blocked out his voice by rolling up the window, and turning on the radio.

As I drove down the road, I kept wondering if people thought I was crazy. I sped down the freeway, sobbing and every now and then, smacking the steering wheel and sobbing even harder.

If this had been the first time I’d been cheated on and lied to, I wouldn’t have had such a big reaction. But Sean was part of my healing process and he made me feel so much better, he made me fall in love with him, and then BAM, he makes me relive my senior year with Peter and Audrey.

I had told Josh that I’d arrive at seven or eight. But with the whole hurting Katie and sort of-not really talking to Sean, I ended up being an hour late.

When I got there, Jordan was sleeping and Josh was sitting in a chair next to her bed, studying her intensely as he pressed his fingers against his temples. He looked up when he saw me come in, but his expression didn’t change.

“What happened? Is she ok?” I asked softly. He stayed silent, staring at me for a second before looking back at Jordan. He then put his hands on his lap and leaned back in the chair.

“She’s fine…The baby is…as normal as a twenty-four week old baby can be,” he sighed, lifting his hand and running his fingers through his hair.

“Have you gotten any news on the baby?” I said, looking at Jordan, knowing that it was killing her that she couldn’t even hold her own child.

“No…” he mumbled, he looked up at me, his eyes shiny, on the edge of tears, “since her dirt bag husband never showed up, so I went in there with her, since you and Sam aren’t family and Tia isn’t much support,”

I waited patiently for him to continue, knowing now wasn’t the appropriate time to say something, he took a deep breath and wiped his eyes, then he continued, “I sat there and watched as they gutted my little sister like a fish. Then they just pulled this tiny little see through, Barbie doll sized baby out of her and she stared at that thing and wouldn’t take her eyes off of it.”

I tried to think of something to say, but I couldn’t come up with anything, I just stood there and stared at him.

He looked back at Jordan, then buried his face in his hands, “and the stupid part is, this could’ve been avoided. I could’ve done something. But I didn’t. I just stood back and let it get this far. Watching that whole operation made me realize that that’s all I’ve been doing,” he said, his voice mumbled against his sweatshirt.

“Josh…” I said, stopping myself when he lifted his head, his eyes red from the tears that had finally broken free.

“All I’ve been doing this whole time is sitting and watching. I could’ve helped her and I didn’t,” he said again, his voice cracking. I slowly walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. His body shook with sadness and a little bit of rage.

“Sometimes situations like Jordan’s can’t be helped,” I said softly. Josh wiped the tears from his face and took a deep breath, closing his eyes, calming himself down.

“My parents told me ever since all of us were little, that I had to protect all of my sisters. And god knows I didn’t help Aria,” he said, shaking his head and turning away from me.

“Josh, we all know that Jordan will always refuse help, no matter how massive her situation is. We called the police, and that didn’t work. If calling the police failed, then there is nothing we can do. She has to want help. Sitting and watching and waiting is all we really can do,” I explained. He stared at Jordan for a few minutes and his body stopped shaking. Then he looked back at me.

“And another thing went wrong,” he said. He looked up at me, his expression still emotionless and blank, “Zakk was on his way over here and got into an accident. Almost every bone in his body is broken. Hell, I don’t even know if he’ll make it. I highly doubt it,”

“What makes you say that?” I asked, “if it’s just broken bones then…” Josh lifted his hand to stop me from finishing my thought.

“Zakk and I had been talking the past few months. He’d been asking me about Jordan,” he said.

“Your point is…?” I asked.

“The way he was talking and the look in his eyes…it almost seemed like…he’d given up,” he added.

“Given up? What do you mean?” I asked softly, almost afraid of Josh’s answer.

“Given up as in I think he was on the edge of giving up and not caring about what would happen to him,” Josh answered softly.

“So you think he got into that accident on purpose?” I said.

“I never said that. What probably happened is he saw it coming but didn’t do anything to stop it, he just let it happen,” he said.

Things were getting way too complicated. I was twenty-one years old, been cheated on twice, got into a fight (sort of) my best friend went into premature labor and had a baby that most likely wouldn‘t make it, and another good friend was probably going to die.

There were days where I wished I was like Tia, totally oblivious.