Love Song

Zakk

For weeks after Jordan’s older sister, Aria’s funeral, she wasn’t accepting my help and she would hang up on me and my e-mails went straight to her trash. It was getting on my nerves. Since I’ve known her, she kept certain things from me. Whenever she was sad or angry, she avoided me and refused to talk to me. Even if I didn’t do anything wrong.

I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palms. I loved Jordan. I knew from that night when I took her to the freshman welcome formal. I knew it when we went anywhere. It made my heart ache that I didn’t ever have the courage to say anything. I was afraid of the rejection that she would possibly give me. It gave me nights without sleep.

I decided to go down to Jordan’s house. That way she couldn’t set me aside. She could listen to me in complete silence. But when I pulled into her driveway, the only car that was sitting in their garage was Jordan’s and Josh’s. I ran up the steps onto their porch and tapped on the door. Josh opened it, his face was without color and his eyes filled with worry.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Jordan…” he mumbled.

“Is Jordan ok?!” I demanded, surprised at my raised voice.

“She’s in the hospital.” he said softly.

“Why?” I asked, frustrated by how vague Josh was being.

“She has appendicitis.” he replied.

“Oh. Well, that’s not so bad.” I sighed, relieved.

“Her body isn’t responding to any of the medication she’s being given.” he sighed. “I stayed because I was going to call you.”

“So she’s going to die…?” I asked, losing my breath.

“It’s likely.” he mumbled. He walked onto the porch, closing the front door behind him and locking it.

We drove at least five or ten miles over the speed limit getting to the hospital. Hospitals are supposed to seem so bright, but when I pulled into a parking spot and ran into the entrance, the hospital seemed to be bigger and had a darkness about it that made my heart pound hard against my chest.

Josh led me into the waiting room where Jordan’s little sister, Tia sat along with her parents and step-dad. Amy was sitting in a chair alone running her fingers through her screwed up curls. I walked over and sat down next to her. She leaned back in the chair and sighed, her hands behind her head pulling her hair back.

“Anything?” I asked.

“She’s in surgery right now.” she sighed.

“But Josh said she wasn’t responding to the meds.” I said.

“She wasn’t. She eventually did a little. Enough to start operating. Although, I have no clue how appendicitis works.” she mumbled.

The clock seemed to speed, like a time lapse. The doctor finally came out to see us. I was the first one to run to him.

“Is Jordan ok?” I asked, breathing heavily.

The doctor’s eyes took a step back before he smiled and nodded. “She’s fine. You can go see her.”

I stood there, my heart resuming its beating. Josh came up next to me and patted my shoulder. “You go first.”

I walked down the hallways, looking into different rooms. I saw people in comas, with broken bones, in full body casts, or just laying there.

I finally found Jordan laying in a hospital bed. An IV stuck in her arm and she looked even more tired than she had looked before. My legs felt like noodles as I slowly approached her.

“Zakk…” she mumbled, her voice low and groggy. I finally got to her bed and grabbed her head. I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers.

Jordan

I opened my eyes. The hospital room was blurry at first. I rubbed my eyes to Zakk coming towards me.

“Zakk…” I said groggily. When Zakk got to me, he cradled my face in his hands and kissed me. He took my first kiss, and as much as I wanted to enjoy that, I couldn’t. He was my best friend. Could I risk my friendship for a relationship?

No.

He pulled away and I grimaced. “What was that for?!”

“Jordan…” he said, getting on both knees next to my bed and grabbing my hand. “I love you. I can’t pretend that I don’t anymore.”

I pulled my hand away and looked at the window, the stars nonexistent, making the night darker.

“Zakk…Why would you do this?” I asked.

“What?”

I turned my head back to him. “We had a perfect thing going!”

He stood up and narrowed his eyes at me. “Perfect? That’s what you think we are? PERFECT?!”

“Yes!”

“Well it’s not!” he yelled, “Every time you’re upset or mad, or both, you keep it from me. I’ve known you for two years and even though I feel the way I do, you’re like a stranger to me!”

“Zakk there are things I come to you with, and things I go to Amy with.” I said calmly.

“When have you ever come to me with anything?” he demanded.

My silence surprised me, but he didn’t look surprised at all. He just laughed. “Exactly.”

“Zakk what do you want me to do?! Give you a blow-by-blow of my day?” I snapped.

“Forget it Jordan.” he grumbled. “But what we have isn’t perfect. I thought it could’ve been. I held back for so long, for fear of the rejection you gave me.”

“I have a right to say no Zakk.” I said.

“Of course you do. But I heard that you had a chance of dying…I almost died. My heart stopped. I thought that you would die without me saying the things I needed to say to you.” he said weakly. “Then, I finally forget how afraid I was, and all you have to say is what the hell?!”

“I thought you knew this Zakk. I thought you knew me.” I said.

“I thought I did too.” he sighed. He turned and headed for the door. “Good-bye Jordan. I'm done with you. I'm done with the band. Find someone else because I can't do this anymore.”

“Zakk!” I screamed. But he never turned, he didn’t even look back.

Josh came into my room, having heard my screaming. He sat on the edge of my bed and wrapped me in a gentle hug. “It’ll be ok.”

“I wanna believe you when you tell me that it’ll be ok.” I mumbled. “I try to. But I don’t.”

“Well…Don’t you love him?” he asked.

“I…I don’t know how I feel. And I don’t know what to say.” I replied.

“Well, tomorrow is a different day.”

Josh

The next morning, I walked around campus trying to find Zakk. I finally found him cleaning out his locker. I jogged over to him.

“Zakk I wanted to-” Zakk put his hand up to stop me from talking.

“Listen Josh. It’s always been up to her. It’s turning around. It’s up to me. I’m gonna do what I have to do. So just don’t.” he grumbled. “Give me a little time.”

“I thought you loved her.” I snarled.

“Josh man…I don’t know how I feel anymore.” he said. “And I know I’m not ready.”

Throughout the day, he continued to avoid Amy and I. When I finally went to the hospital to see Jordan, she seemed ok with it.

“Well…I know I’m not ready either.” she said.

“Tomorrow it may change.” I mumbled.