Love Song

Jordan

(Time Skip)
(Age: 17)

Having been on tour with our new guitarist, who’s name I hadn’t even bothered to remember all summer, I didn’t have time to smooth things over with Zakk. But seeing as he got the time he wanted, I had the right to talk, didn’t I?

I came home the night before the first day of my senior year. I stared at myself in the mirror before going to sleep. My hair had gotten long since my eighth grade hair tragedy of cutting it like Will from that old TV show W.I.T.C.H.

I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock.

“Midnight.” I sighed, surprised at myself that I was tired at midnight. I flopped face first into my pillow and then rolled onto my back, staring at my ceiling fan.

I tried not to think of Zakk that summer. But on stage, seeing Nameless Guitarist, I knew this scene wasn’t right. It wasn’t the same as having Zakk there. I wasn’t able to feel happy without him there.

I fell asleep on a tear stained pillow that night.

The next day, I walked through the crowded cafeteria and sat down with Amy, Tia, and Peter. I opened my bag and grabbed my brown paper bag and pulled out my turkey sandwich.

“So you gonna talk to him today?” Amy asked as she scooped the shreds of ham out of her salad with her plastic fork.

“Yeah.” I mumbled.

“Well there he is.” Peter said, pointing to Zakk, who was sitting by himself.

“Well…Ok.” I sighed. I stood up, my heart pounding and my entire body vibrating. I finally reached his table. He must’ve known I was there, but he didn’t even bother looking up.

“Zakk, let’s talk this over.” I mumbled. He looked up at me from the corner of his eye, raising his head slightly.

“Don’t leave me hanging in a city so dead.” I mumbled, swallowing down the lump in my throat.

“Jordan you’re held up so high on such a breakable thread.” he mumbled.

I stayed silent, not daring to break the silence. He looked at Tia and Amy, who were whispering to each other, obviously about him. Then he looked back at me.

“You’ve got your dumb friends,” he said, gesturing to them, “I know what they say. They tell you I’m difficult, but so are they.”

“But they don’t know me,” he said, pausing, “do they even know you?”

“All the things you hide from me, all the crap that you do.” he said. He looked up at me, sadness filling his eyes.

“You were all the things I thought I knew. And I thought we could be…” he said.

“You were everything that I wanted. I thought we were meant to be, supposed to be. I guess we lost it.” he whispered. “And all of those memories so close to me, just fade away.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “So tell me Jordan. All this time you were pretending?”

I looked down at my feet. “It’s nice to know that you were there.”

“Thanks for acting like you cared!” he snapped.

I shook off his tone of voice. “It’s nice to know we had it all.”

“Thanks for watching as I fall!” he yelled.

I took a step back, like he’d hit me and I felt all this rage and frustration towards him.

“Those memories so close to me, can just fade away too. I think that all this time you were pretending!” I yelled, jabbing his chest with my finger. I turned and stormed back to my table and sat down in between Tia and Amy. All the tears I’d saved from that conversation spilled over and I just couldn’t contain it.

“So much for my happy ending.” I cried, wiping my eye with my arm.

The next morning, Zakk and I walked into our English class as if we didn’t know each other. We sat down next to each other as though we were perfect strangers. The teacher who had been gone the first day was finally going to meet us today.

The teacher walked in as the bell rang.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come yesterday morning.” he said, although it didn’t seem like he was very sorry. He walked to his desk and took off his coat. He looked up and smiled.

It was him.

That man that I’d seen a couple years ago on the first day freshman year. The college student who stood outside the gate.

“My name is Mr. Block.” he said, looking at me. His face had such perfect features. His eyes seemed to look right into my soul. But not in the good way. It was like he was searching my mind and my body.

He gave me a smile that sent tingles down my spine and made my hands shake.

“Jordan, I remember you.” he said. It was weird how we’d talked only once before a couple years ago and he had remembered my name. He said my name without any “isn’t it?” at the end. He even remembered me. How could he?

I felt all eyes on me. Except for of course Zakk.

Mr. Block hadn’t hesitated putting us to work. He walked to the front of my desk and looked at me, then Zakk, then me again.

“You guys aren’t doing ok…are you?” he said. I looked over to Zakk, who obviously wasn’t going to answer. “No we’re not,” I said indifferently. He walked in between my desk and Zakk’s and leaned down so he was close to me.

“I’d like to see you after class. Just you.” he whispered. His words gave me a sense of fear, but love at the same time. I definitely felt more fear than love. And the love I was feeling was for Zakk, and the fear was for Mr. Block.

“Um…sure…Mr. Block.” I squeaked.

“Ryan.” he corrected.

My throat suddenly felt dry and I couldn’t catch my breath.

We had a ten minute time slot for the kids who didn’t have breakfast after first period. So as the other kids ran out of Ryan’s classroom, I slowly approached his desk.

“What did you want to see me about?” I asked. He stood up calmly and walked over to me, his tall body looming over me like a dark cloud. He caressed my cheek and pressed his lips to mine. He wasn’t gentle about either of those things.

I pushed my body away and almost fell to the floor. “Don’t!”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because you’re my teacher.” I breathed.

“I know that I really don’t care.” he snarled. He rushed over to me and grabbed my arms, his fingernails digging into them, causing pain that spread through my body.

“Let me go.” I whimpered. He pushed me to his desk, grabbing my neck and pulling me back up.

As I walked to second period, my body ached. I felt bruises all along my body.

I sat in my seat, hugging myself, the pain almost unbearable to live with.

“Jordan, are you ok? You look so pained.” Peter asked as he sat down next to me.

“I’m fine.” I lied. I could never tell Peter…or anyone what Mr. Block had done to me.

Mostly because he threatened to kill me if I told anyone.