Poison

The next twelve months had been the hardest. When both the coroner’s and the CSI’s reports had come up to show that nothing had caused Anna’s too soon death, ruling it as SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood) – Jack and me just… turned away from each other, at first. When Jack would come home from anywhere he had been during the day, he would just ignore me or wait until I spoke to say something – like it was a game. Other than that, I wouldn’t leave the house, unless Lisa needed me. Or if Bella wanted to hang out – which had begun to get rare and I had a suspicion in the back of my head as to why.

I had been out with Lisa one afternoon, shopping for baby clothes. Which, I have to admit was hard to do – And Lisa had repeatedly told me she didn’t like asking me because she knows that even after five months – it still feels like only yesterday. I only shook my head and touched her little bump, ‘Mini Gaskarth’ we started calling it. I had dropped Lisa off at home with three new bags of clothes and jumpers, rompers – If you hadn’t guessed yet, Alex and Lisa were having a little girl – and was opening the door to the house, I knew Jack was home because his car was in the driveway. I was starting to calling out Jack’s name and shutting the door, when I noticed clothes on the floor – and someone else already saying Jack’s name.

I followed the trail of clothes up the stairs slowly and the moans and groans and creaks of the bed grew loudly – I knew I didn’t want to see what I knew was happening; but something kept me moving. I think it was the thought that Jack had told me straight to my face this morning that he loved me, or the memory of our wedding day, or maybe even the day that Anna was born. I just kept thinking that just would never ever never cheat on me.

I stood in front of the door, it wasn’t even closed, all I had to do was push it open and see. See what was happening, see who he was with and leave, leave in tears? I built up all the courage I could muster and nearly put my fingers to the wood when I heard Jack’s voice.

“I can’t do this anymore, Bella,” Bella? He’s sleeping with Bella? I recoiled my hand to my chest and just listened.

“What? But you love it. You don’t want Jade anymore – that’s what you mean.”

“No. I don’t want to deal with you anymore. I’ll pay you to keep this quite. I just… I need to work on being with my wife. Now get the fuck out of here or I’ll call the police.”

“Oh yeah? And tell them what?”

“That I think you had something to do with Lyn’s death – and they’ll put you through all the motions. That means jail, questioning, days maybe even weeks in jail. Don’t think I won’t if you won’t leave me or Jade the fuck alone.” I could tell that Jack was serious. I hope Jade knew he was too. I heard the bed creak and quickly stepped away from the door and went door the stairs to hide in the kitchen.

After about three minutes, I heard the door slam shut and I knew that Bella was gone. I looked up at the ceiling, I hadn’t heard anymore movement after Jade had finished stomping around, so I didn’t know what Jack was doing now. I sighed. I figured I should let him know I was home.

I waited five minutes and made my way back up the stairs and stood outside of the door once again. This time it was closed. There was no way to be discrete about it. I turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. Jack was sitting on the bed in his boxer shorts with his arms wrapped around his knees staring at the wall in front of him. I had though he hadn’t heard the door open but he slowly turned his head to look at me.

His eyes were brimmed with tears. Sitting down on the bed next to him, I took a quick survey of the room, it looked used, but more so than the normal lived in bedroom. I crossed my legs, than uncrossed them. I felt so awkward around Jack for some reason.

“I’m sorry Jay, I’m so, so sorry,” I looked up at Jack completely startled. Was he confessing or did he already know that I had caught him in the act?

I decided to play it cool, “For what Jack?”

Jack pulled me between his legs and up against his chest. I could feel his heart beat at one hundred miles an minute, “For Lyn and for… God, I can’t even tell you. I never wanted to hurt you Jay. I love you so much.”

I tried to concentrate as Jack kissed my hair and my ear, neck and so on. I pulled away and looked him dead in the eye. Jack was trying to tell me, so I’d just help him there, “Have you cheated on me?”

The look on his face was complete and total – Deer Caught In The Headlights. I really wish I had know what was going on his head at that moment at why he had said why he had said it because it would have explained a lot – in the end. I might have been able to explain a lot about the end or the beginning, or even the middle. Heck if I would’ve at least known the middle of this story – the rest would have explained itself easily. But we never know what the other person’s going to say – Sometimes we never know what we’re going to say.

“No, I haven’t.”