When She Cries

Dinner was very awkward, for Alley at least. You could practically cut the tension with a knife. Dad was a bit angry as was Brian. Zacky and Jimmy were concerned, and Johnny was wary, trying to figure out who was going to throw something first. The girls were all glaring at the boys though. I just sat, staring at my plate. I didn't really have an appetite after this afternoon's events.

"Sweetie, you need to eat at least something," Val said softly, noticing I hadn't touched my plate.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled.

"You need to have something in your stomach so you can take your meds," Dad said sternly, but not looking at me.

Oh, fine. You wanna play that game? I can be just as childish.

I sat back in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest. Brian saw this and gave me a harsh look. "Elle, eat your dinner," he snapped.

"Why should I? You gonna force me to eat, too?"

"I will if you don't do it on your own," he growled.

"Be my guest," I sneered.

"That's enough," Uncle Jimmy said harshly to Brian, but I know it was meant for the both of us.

I turned to Alley. "Can you please help me up stairs?" I asked softly, not really wanting the guys to hear. She nodded, and helped me up. Zacky went to help, but I shot him a glare. "Don't touch me," I hissed.

He gave me a sad look. "I don't want you to make this harder on yourself," he said softly.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you forced me to get surgery."

"Stop being so childish, Noelle," Dad snapped.

I glared. "Look who's talking."

"Dammit, Noelle!" He slammed his hand down on the table, which made me jump. The look in his eyes was indescribable, but it was scary.

"Matt," Zacky said, none of the guys daring to take their eyes off of him.

I snapped my gaze away from him as I tried to quickly get up stairs, with Alley's help. I sighed agitatedly, slamming my bedroom door behind me.

"Please don't get mad at me for asking this, but... Why do you push his buttons when you know he's just going to get even more upset?" Alley asked softly. I looked at her, before shaking my head and going to sit at my bay window. I buried my face into my hands as I tried not to cry. "Oh, Sweetie," she sighed, sitting next to me and putting her arm around me.

"I don't plan these things on purpose. I know I was being childish, but that seems like it's the only way to get him to listen!" I cried, just about ready to give up. "They all knew I didn't want to get this fucking surgery. Then they pushed this whole fucking therapy on me! I feel like a worthless piece of shit already, and all of that just adds to it," I mumbled the last part, looking down at the floor.

"Elle, you are not worthless. I don't know everything that's gone on with you, put that's okay. What I do know though is that you are an amazing girl. You can't see it, but I can and so can everyone else. You don't really see how you light up those guys' lives. They're only doing this because they care about you. Yes, they could have gone about it in a different way, but still."

"I know they're only doing it because they care. But you can't just keep forcing someone to do things they don't want to! I've had enough of that these past few years, and I can't take it anymore. I don't feel like I'm myself anymore. I'm just doing what everyone else wants me to."

She stayed quiet, not really knowing what to say. In all truth, it was nice just having her there to listen instead of trying to give me advice or telling me how I should fix things. This is what I needed. Someone to just listen.

I guess a therapist could do that, but I can't just spill everything to a total stranger. Sure, Alley and I haven't known each other that long, but we've connected in such a short amount of time. I just don't want to burden her with all my crap.

*Matt's P.O.V.*

I sighed, as I walked away from Elle's door. I had come up to check on her, but when I heard her talking with Alley, I had stopped to listen.

I didn't know I was actually hurting her with everything. I was just trying to help her... I knew, well thought, she would regret doing the surgery, so I just forced her. And I knew she wouldn't willingly go to a therapist, but I knew she also needed it. I guess I was just being too strong with all of it.

"Did you talk to her?" Val asked, rubbing my back as I sat down on the couch, my head in my hands.

"No," I mumbled.

"Why not?" Jimmy snapped.

"Because she was talking to Alley."

"You could have asked to talk to her alone," Gena said.

I was silent. "You listened to them," Brian said, not asking, but knowing. I just nodded. "What did she say?"

I shook my head, keeping my gaze on the floor. "I messed up." My voice barely above a whisper.

"What do you mean?" Val asked confused.

"Just pushing everything onto her, I was being too hard. I wasn't really hearing anything she said."

"You were just doing what you thought was best," Brian sighed.

"Still, it was just making her worse in the process, emotional and mental wise, at least."

Zacky leaned on the edge of his seat. "What did she say, Matt?" He asked softly.

"She feels like the surgery and therapy are just putting her imperfections more out in the open. She said she feels worthless because of them. Also that she's been pushed into so many things over the years that she doesn't feel like she does anything on her own will anymore."

Johnny stood up and started pacing. "I told you it was a bad idea," he said, shaking his head.

"Kids don't exactly come with a manual, Johnny," I snapped.

"I know, Matt," he snapped back. "But you can't tell me that you didn't see how miserable she was."

"That's why I thought the surgery and therapy would help her out of all of that!" I was slowly loosing my patience. It was already on a thin line and he was just making it worse. Why didn't he just come out and call me a bad parent? It isn't the easiest job in the book!

"She was telling you straight out that she didn't want any of it, though!"

"I didn't ask for any of this, Johnny! I didn't ask for my daughter to just randomly be dropped onto me with all of this shit! I didn't ask to be suddenly dealing with all of these damn things that I don't know how to fix! So stop acting like I'm the bad guy in this whole situation!" Everyone was looking behind me with wide eyes. I closed my eyes, praying to God that it wasn't the reason I was fearing.

When I heard a soft sob, my heart dropped. "Elle, wait!" Zacky yelled, jumping up and running after her. How did she even get back down her so fast?

I'm officially the worst father...