I've Hoped For Change, It Gets Better Everyday

“Jack Bassam Barakat!” I yelled through the house. It was an absolute mess in his room. I heard Jack bounding up the stairs.

“What?” he asked breathlessly. “What’s wrong?”

“Your room is a gigantic mess!” I pointed at the doorway. “You haven’t even packed for tour and you’re leaving in two days!”

“I know! I’ll pack later I promise. The game is on right now,” Jack pouted.

I crossed my arms. “Have you even washed any of the clothes your taking?”

Jack’s silence answered my question. I sighed and rubbed my temples.

“Get all your dirty clothes together, I’m starting laundry,” I said and handed him the laundry basket.

“B-but the game… It’s the Ravens against the Colts,” Jack whined.

“If you do it now you’ll get back to your game faster. Now get a move on,” I instructed. Jack muttered something under his breath. I spun around on my heel and saw Joyce standing in the hallway watching us with a grin.

“You are perfect my dear. I couldn’t have done it better myself,” she applauded.

I grinned back at her. “Well I learned from the best.”

She laughed and went on her way to her own room as I collected more laundry in my arms. I came back to Jack’s room and stuffed the clothes in the empty basket. “Jack, hurry up!” I scolded. Jack tossed some clothes in as well and handed me the basket.

“Can I go now?” he asked. I smirked and nodded.

“Yes you can,” I nodded and caught his arm before he walked out.

“What?” he asked impatiently.

“You’re worse than a kid,” I said as I pecked his cheek. He grinned and bent down to kiss me properly on the lips.

“You’re worse than my mom sometimes, so I think we’re even,” he joked.

“Whatever, loser, you think of your mom when you kiss me?” I taunted.

“Hell yeah!” Jack grinned. “My mom’s fucking sexy!”

I rolled my eyes at him, forgetting who I was dealing with. My jokes about Jack’s mom had little to no effect on him. He’d just turn them back around on me. “Go watch the game!”

“Jack – 1, Abby – 0!” he called as he traipsed down the stairs.

I shook my head and continued down behind him to the living room. “Hey guys,” I greeted. A chorus of greetings echoed around me as I passed to the laundry room.

I started the wash and pulled out the clothes from the dryer that I’d forgotten to get last week. I folded the shirts I thought Jack could use and the boxers that he’d need. I carried all our clothes to his room and started picking up everything. Once his room was decent, I started packing for him. Otherwise, he’d never do it on time.

“You are too good to him,” Joyce said as she walked in.

“Well, I love him,” I smiled. “And you and I both know he’s never going to pack until the day of and it will be utter chaos.”

“That’s true,” she replied. She helped me fold some of the clothes I was packing. “So how do you feel about him leaving?”

“I’m going to miss him, but I’ll be busy with college anyway,” I shrugged. “We’ll be okay. I’m certain about that.”

“That’s good, dear. Well you know you don’t have to move out once Jack leaves,” Joyce said. She’d told me plenty of times that I was more than welcome to stay with them instead of in the dorms, but I’d decided to anyway.

“I know, thanks Joyce. But I’ll be alright at the dorms. It’ll be okay,” I replied. I noticed the sad look on her face and figured out what was wrong. She was losing Jack for a few months, her other kids had moved, and now I was leaving her.

“I’ll come visit often Joyce, I promise.”

Joyce nodded slowly. “I’m just going to miss having you and Jack home.”

“I know, but really I’ll visit every chance I get. You’re pretty much my only family now,” I assured her.

“I think you should really try to reconnect with your family dear,” Joyce switched the subject.

I sighed. “I know, but it’s hard. I’ve hardly had time and it’s not like my mom really cares.”

“Believe me, she cares,” Joyce emphasized. I was about to protest when she interrupted me. “Just because she didn’t show up at graduation doesn’t mean she completely feels nothing.”

“Well it showed me she didn’t completely care either. I’ll try. I’ll go by this afternoon, I’m off anyway,” I said to placate her. Joyce nodded and finished folding a shirt.

“Good, I’m glad we can talk, Abby.”

“Me too,” I replied.
~*~*~*~*~*~

I knocked on the front door of the house I used to call home. I pulled my sunglasses off and put them on my head while I waited for someone to answer. I heard the lock jiggle and the door swung open.

“Mom?” I asked. I hadn’t seen or heard from my mother in months and to see her now was shocking. She looked much thinner than before, sickly and pale, and much, much older. Wrinkles etched across her face, especially near her forehead. Her eyes no longer held the crystal blue color mine did, but seemed deadened.

“Abigail,” she acknowledged with a slight nod of her head. “What can I help you with?”

I readjusted my purse on my shoulder and swallowed. “I came to see you, actually. Can I come in?”

“Sure,” my mother replied. She moved aside to let me in. I stepped into the familiar foyer and marveled at how much the atmosphere had changed around here. It felt depressing to say the least.

My mom led us to the living room and sat on a couch opposite where I chose to sit. I placed my purse next to me and crossed one skinny jean clad leg over the other. The silence was deafening as I stared at my silver flats for something to do.

“Well?” My mom interrupted my thoughts. I smiled slightly, folding my hands in my lap.

“I just wanted to see you,” I said quietly. “I miss you.”

She sighed and frowned before looking at me. “I miss you too, Abigail. But you chose this.”

“So you’re punishing me because I chose love? Mom, it doesn’t even have to be like this. Why are you avoiding me for something so stupid like this? Why can’t you just be happy that I found someone who treats me right and loves me?”

“That Jordan boy was wonderful and he had a good head on his shoulders,” my mom said. I almost choked on the snort that escaped my mouth.

“You have no clue what happened with Jordan!” I raised my voice.

“No I don’t, because you wouldn’t tell me. How could Jack be better than Jordan?” My mom crossed her arms.

“Fine, mom, Jordan and I had sex okay? We had sex and then he dumped me. He took naked pictures of me and sent them to everyone at school! It was the most humiliating experience of my life.” I told her. “He ruined my high school life.”

My mom looked like she was about to cry, like I’d told her someone had died. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“And have you upset because I didn’t wait until my wedding night to lose my virginity? No, I know how you guys feel about that,” I shook my head.

“Your dad and I have morals, yes. Morals we’d hoped to pass on to you, but only if you chose to do so. Look at your sister. We don’t approve of the fact that she’s living with her boyfriend and they’re not married. We aren’t naïve; we know what happens over there. We just try not to worry about it anymore because that’s the decision we made.”

“Then how is my relationship with Jack any different?” I asked dumbfounded.

“It’s different because you’re barely eighteen. Aimee was twenty when she left. Those two years make a difference. Your dad never had to go pick her up from the police department, she doesn’t have underage drinking on her permanent record, and she went to college and got a good job. You’re only eighteen, you’ve gotten into trouble and you’re paying fees while working at a diner, Abigail. You can’t seriously expect to finish paying the fines you have and still have money for a car or school with your job,” my mom ranted. “Besides that, Jack will only hold you back, and it’s not like he can support you by being in a band. Brad has a very good, stable job.”

“I’m going to college, mom. I’ll find a better job. Jack might not have a normal job, but I believe in him and the band. They’re going to be big. I can support myself enough. I have financial aid, and Jack’s leaving me his car until he comes back. We’re fine because we’re together. You can’t tell me that you and dad had everything you had now when you first got together,” I argued.

“No we didn’t,” she admitted.

“Exactly, mom, you had to work for it. Jack and me, we’re working for it, for each other. I love him, mom. And I know he loves me. We’ve got or issues, who doesn’t? But for once, I’m really happy and I owe it all to him.”

My mom stared at me for a good while before speaking. “He really makes you that happy?”

I nodded. “Yes, he does.”

She nodded slowly. “Then that’s what matters I guess. Just don’t let him dictate what you do with your life. Don’t let him hold you back from what you can do.”

“I won’t mom,” I promised her. “So can we please go back to the way we were?”

She nodded and smiled at me and stood up to hug me. “So how does it work, living with Jack’s parents?”

“Uh, pretty much like living alone I guess,” I explained. “I mean we’re not allowed in each other’s room alone with the door closed. But I mean I do our laundry, and cooking when it’s just me and Jack.”

My mom looked relieved. “That’s good, just be careful honey. You don’t want to end up like your cousin. How’s that going anyway?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, how’s Jack’s relationship with the baby? How’s he coping as a father?” my mom asked.

“I can’t believe you don’t know!” I laughed. “The baby’s not Jack’s. Linda admitted it by accident. She cheated on him with her ex.”

“Oh, wow. That’s… well, that’s slutty.”

I burst out laughing. “Yes it is!”

I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with my mother and helping her around the house with little things. It felt nice, reconnecting with my mom. It felt right. I couldn’t be happier that we’d fixed things. I went home about six to an empty house and found a note on the counter for me and Jack from Joyce.

Bassam and I are going out for a date. There are leftovers from last night if you kids get hungry and don’t want to cook. Jack, no parties, we’ll be home early anyways. Abigail, I put your laundry in your room. We’ll see you kids later.

- Joyce

I turned on the stereo and started gathering the ingredients for dinner. I didn’t think Jack wanted leftovers, and I certainly didn’t feel like it. I pulled out a pan and put ground beef in it. As I looked through the pantry for tomato sauce, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out and checked my messages. As expected, it was from Jack.

Hey babe, I’m on my way home from Alex’s. I’ll be there soon.

I sent back a quick reply before finding the can, emptying it into a sauce pan and started boiling water for spaghetti. I ran to my room while everything heated up and changed into my sweat pants and one of Jack’s old t-shirts. I’d made him pull out a few for me to have while he was gone.

I returned to the kitchen and started chopping onions to throw into the ground beef. I didn’t hear Jack come in and of course, I screamed when I felt arms wrap around my waist.

“God Jack, you scared me!” I managed to spit out when my heart stopped hammering against my chest. Jack was laughing madly. “Shut up! I could have stabbed you!” I waved the knife for emphasis.

“Sorry,” he said, smirking. “You’re just so easy to scare.”

“Whatever,” I replied, rolling my eyes as I turned back to the stove. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, what are we eating?”

“Spaghetti,” I answered. “Your parents went out for the evening.”

“Oh, cool, our own date night. I’d forgotten my parents were gonna have their own date,” Jack sat on the counter and watched me cook. “You know, you’re pretty sexy when you cook.”

I laughed. “You’re hilarious, Jack.” I walked over to him, stood between his legs, and leaned against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me to him.

“Love you,” he said into my hair.

“Love you too,” I whispered back. “Let’s eat.”

We ate dinner, talked about our day and anything else that interested us. He was glad to hear I’d repaired my relationship with my mom. He’d told me that he and the boys had had rehearsal earlier to make sure everything was working. They’d packed up their equipment in a small trailer that they’d attached to the back of the van they were traveling in. The band had also recruited Matt Flyzik, a friend of theirs I didn’t know very well, as tour manager.

We finished eating and Jack helped me clean up after dinner. I went to the restroom and washed off my makeup and brushed my teeth. Jack was in his room changing while I finished up.

“Hey, baby?” Jack called. I rinsed my mouth and walked to his room.

“Yeah?” I stood in the doorway. He sat on his bed with his acoustic guitar.

“Come here, I want to show you something,” he said. He patted his comforter motioning for me to sit down. I sat next to him, pulling my legs up onto the bed. “Alex wrote this song and we were trying to come up with a melody and harmony, and I came up with this.”

He started strumming notes and the room was filled with a beautiful melody. I listened intently, taking in the sound. It was absolutely beautiful. I smiled as the last note rang. “That was beautiful, Jack.”

“You like it?” he asked eagerly. I nodded.

“What’s it called?”

“Alex wrote ‘Therapy’ on the top of his lyrics, so I guess that’s what it is,” Jack answered.

“It’s beautiful,” I reaffirmed as he put his guitar back in its case.

“You’re beautiful.”

I smiled at his as he sat next to me and kissed my lips gently. “I really love you, Abby.”

“I love you too, Jack,” I replied, kissing him back. He pushed me back onto his bed gently, following me down until my head rested on a pillow. He hovered over me one knee on each side of my waist, every once in a while pressing his lips to my jaw. His hands roamed my body, and once again I felt the familiar burning sensation. The pads of his fingers brushed the skin on my hips ever so slightly. Then Jack did something he’d never done before; he ground his hips against me, earning a moan from me. He smirked at me, biting my lip gently.

“I want you,” Jack breathed in my ear, licking the shell. I shivered, pulling him closer to me. I flipped him over so I was on top of him.

“I want you too,” I whispered, for once just going with what I was feeling.

My shirt, or rather Jack’s shirt that I had on, was discarded onto the floor in seconds, my sweat pants, bra and underwear joining it in less than five. I had his clothes off in record time too. Then he flipped me onto my back, looking at my body. I was suddenly self conscious, and felt the need to cover up. Jack stopped me from crossing my arms over myself.

“Don’t, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, trying to salvage the moment. I blushed and could feel my face heat up.

“Sorry, I’m making this awkward, aren’t I?” I asked, frowning.

“Hush, and just let it happen babe.” Jack silenced me with a kiss.

~*~*~*~ 

“I’m gonna miss you,” Jack whispered. We were not the only ones saying goodbye, but at the moment I felt like we were. Kara and Rian had already finished their goodbyes, as had Lisa and Alex. But I could bear to let Jack go. Even his mother had had less trouble.

“I’m gonna miss you too,” I replied as I hugged him again. “Be careful and don’t do stupid things that will kill you or get you arrested. Brush your teeth and try to shower when you can, don’t be lazy. Keep your clothes together because it’s not like you packed very much. Be careful on stage, you make me nervous when you jump around so much. I’m afraid you’ll fall and break a leg.”

“Okay mommy,” Jack teased. I smacked his arm playfully.

“I just want you to be careful and come back home in one piece,” I defended myself.

Jack chuckled. “I will babe. I’ll see you in a few months. I’ll visit if I can get here and I’ll call you as much as I can okay?”

I nodded. “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jack replied. He looked back at everyone else waiting on him. “Alright, I have to go. I’ll see you, baby.”

“Bye,” I replied sadly. He kissed me one last time and followed the boys into the van. I waved and tried to smile feebly. The girls joined me on either side and hugged me. I heard sniffles from the boys’ mothers who stood behind us, watching as the van pulled away. “We’ll be okay, right?”

Kara nodded at me slowly.

“Yeah, we’re gonna be okay,” Lisa rubbed my arm reassuringly, but I couldn’t tell if she was trying to reassure me or herself. I chose to ignore it and instead focus on my life without Jack right there beside me.

We’d be fine, me and my friends. And me and Jack, well we’d be just fine too.

Jack had taught me a lot of things: how to have fun, how to let go, how to love. But the most amazing thing he taught me was how to be and love myself.