I've Hoped For Change, It Gets Better Everyday

“Jack, I’m sorry!” I followed Jack through the door of the house, his parents trailing worriedly behind me. It was embarrassing enough that his parents knew I screwed up, but to have them witness this fight? That was inexplicably embarrassing. I heard the door of Jack’s bedroom slam before I could even reach the stairs. I cursed my heels for making me so slow. I sighed and ripped them off, running up the stair and standing in front of Jack’s door.

“Jack, please open up. I want to talk to you,” I called through the door. I waited a moment before I heard Blink-182 blast through the door. There was no way he could hear me now. I went across the hall to my own room, shut the door and lay down on my bed. I wasn’t sure what to do anymore. Everything was going so well, and then everything was ruined in one night. I sat up with my back against the head board and did the only thing I thought to; I picked up my cell phone and called Tyler.

“Hello?”

“Hey Ty, it’s me,” I replied.

“Hey Abby. Are you okay? What happened?”

“He’s pissed off. About other stuff though, not just you,” I explained. I told him what happened during dinner.

“I’m so sorry, Abby. I really screwed things up for you huh?” Tyler asked with concern.

“It’s my own fault, I let my insecurity come out after we’d fixed things. I just don’t know what to do. I mean we’re friends and I don’t’ want to lose that just because of a mistake.”

“Well, thanks. I mean, that means a lot to me.”

“Yeah of course, Ty. You’re great,” I laughed. The door to my room opened and Jack walked in, wearing a pair of boxers and a shirt. “Uh, can I call you tomorrow or something?”

“Did Jack just walk in?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you later, okay?” I asked, keeping my eye on Jack.

“Sure thing, good luck, Abs,” Tyler said before I hung up the phone.

I pulled my knees to my chest and inspected my feet. I really needed to repaint my toes. The nail polish was completely gone. After a few seconds of zero movement, I looked up at Jack. “What?”

“Who were you on the phone with?” He asked. His voice didn’t hold an ounce of emotion and his stare cut right through me.

“No one,” I answered just as coldly. If he wanted to play this game then I would.

“Why are you being so defensive about Tyler? Do you have feelings for him?” Jack asked. “Why else would you care so much?”

“No, Jack I don’t, but he’s a friend, a really good friend,” I emphasized. “That’s it.”

“I really doubt that,” Jack countered. “He kissed you for a reason, Abby! Why are you being so naïve?”

“Naïve? You don’t even know what naïve is!” I yelled back, getting up from my place on the bed and standing in front of him. I knew that was low, basically calling him dumb, but right now I wanted to hurt him a little.

“Really? I’d have to say you were pretty naïve to think Jordan was into you for more than sex,” Jack spat.

I opened my mouth to say something back, but shut it again when nothing came out. I felt tears burn my eyes as I took a deep breath. I looked up at Jack, who was looking a little bit remorseful.

“Abby, I’m sorry. That was low,” he admitted.

I shook my head. “You’re a jerk. No wonder Linda cheated. Who could love you like this?”

I watched his face contort with pain for a split second before it went completely blank. I could see his body shaking slightly, his hands balling into fists and relaxing them again. He licked his lips and took a deep breath before he spoke.

“If that’s the way you feel, then maybe you should go with Tyler. I’m done. Get your shit and get out, we’re done.” Jack turned his back on me and slammed the door behind him.

I stood there staring at the door in shock. He left me. Jack just dumped me. As the words made it through to my brain, I sank to the floor. I didn’t realize I was crying until I couldn’t see anymore.

~*~*~*~

“Abigail? Abigail, wake up, dear.”

I groaned and opened my eyes at the sound of someone’s voice. Joyce was kneeling over me, shaking me gently.

“Abby, wake up, honey,” she tried again. I sat up, the memory of last night’s fight with Jack still fresh as I sat up.

Joyce studied my face carefully. I could imagine how I looked with my hair tangled, my make up smeared, my puffy red eyes, and the dress I wore yesterday wrinkled and tangled around me, all on display sleeping in a ball on the floor.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

“He dumped me,” I whispered.

Joyce looked confused. “Over a kiss?”

I smiled to myself slightly. Was that really all that had started this?

I looked at her. “No, we started fighting about other things that shouldn’t have been brought up. We both said some very hurtful things.”

Joyce sighed. “I’m sorry.”

I nodded. “Me too.” I pulled my knees to my chest. “I have to pack up everything. Thank you so much for letting me live here, but I need to leave.”

Joyce frowned. “Honey, you don’t have to leave.”

“Jack told me to leave,” I stated, remembering what he’d said before he walked out. “And, I can’t ignore what he wants.”

Joyce sighed. “Sweetheart, Jack’s leaving in a week. You can stay here. Besides, maybe last night was just too much for both of you. I’m sure if you guys talk now that you’re cooled down, everything will be okay.”

“Do you really think so?” I asked hopefully. I loved Jack with everything I had in me and couldn’t believe I’d hurt him so badly simply because I was scared of him leaving.

Joyce nodded. “Go get showered, Jack’s not even awake yet. Get dressed, go in there, and talk to him.”

“Thank you,” I replied, hugging her quickly before gather everything I needed for a shower.

“Good luck,” Joyce replied as she left.

I showered quickly, the whole time wondering what I was going to say to Jack. I dried off and changed quickly, drying my hair and throwing it in a clip. I’d do it later if I had time.

I walked to Jack’s door and heard music playing lowly on the other side. My palms started sweating and my heart started racing. What if he really had meant what he’d said? I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I heard shuffling and a moment later it swung open. Jack stood shirtless in his boxers in front of me with a frown on his face.

“Uh, h-hi. Can we talk?” I asked quietly. I looked at the ground ready for him to reject me and tell me to start packing. He sighed, but said nothing as he moved away from the door, letting me in. I stepped in carefully, trying to maneuver around the mess he had in his room. He could never manage to keep it tidy. I didn’t know what to say as he stood there watching me, and I couldn’t even look at him, so instead I did what I do best; I stalled. I picked up random items off the floor and putting them back in their place.

“Could you just stop?” Jack interrupted me. “You wanted to talk, not clean. So talk.”

I held onto the shirt I’d just picked up and sat down on the edge of his bed. “I’m sorry for what I said last night. I didn’t mean it,” I said, fingering the hem of his shirt. “I love you, so much, and I don’t know what got into me last night. I shouldn’t have been such a bitch and accused you of going off and cheating on me when I know you wouldn’t do that. Tyler is just a friend, and I know that you’re uncomfortable with that because he kissed me. I told you that you shouldn’t be, because it was his mistake, but I lied, because I did kiss him back. I was just too scared to admit it because you were already so upset with me,” I finished, looking at Jack fully for the first time since I’d walked in.

He had his arms crossed, not the best sign in the world, and stood in front of me, shaking his head; another sign that this wasn’t going well. “You kissed him back, lied to me about it, and then were going to keep that a secret?” he asked rhetorically. “Wow, you’ve really hit a new low.”

This seriously wasn’t going well, at all. I felt my eyes water and cursed myself for being so damn emotional. I could feel him staring at me as I tried to rub away the tears that had started to spill over. Jack sighed, and I felt the bed shift from his weight as he sat next to me.

“Don’t cry, Abigail,” he said, and I cried more, because he never called me Abigail unless he was mad at me. It was always Abby or Abs or some other nickname, but never Abigail. “Why are you crying?”

I sniffled and tried to keep my voice from breaking as I answered him. “Because you’re mad at me still, with reason, and I hate that you hate me.”

Jack’s arms wrapped around me and pulled me to him as he moved himself up higher onto the bed. “I don’t hate you. I’m pissed off with you, but I don’t hate you.” He held me against his chest and I buried my face in his neck. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled myself closer to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry and I don’t know what else to say,” I mumbled, stopping the tears finally. I felt Jack reach behind my head and pull out the clip I had, letting my hair loose. He started playing with it, twirling blonde curls around his fingers.

“I know, but this is shit, Abigail. I was mad about the Tyler thing, the fact that you weren’t going to tell me about it when you’ve always said that honesty is the most important part of our relationship,” Jack began. “, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean I figured I’d get over it, but then you started throwing a fit about not being friends with him and accusing me of cheating, and bringing her up when you knew it would hurt me.”

I nodded and sniffled, waiting for him to confirm what he’d said last night about leaving me. At least he held me one last time before he dumped me.

“And then I said things I didn’t mean, because I wanted to hurt you just as bad. I love you too, more than I ever thought I could, but I don’t want this to become a regular part of our relationship. You’ve always said that we shouldn’t fight, that we should talk things out, and you didn’t take your own advice,” Jack added.

“I know,” I replied. He moved away from me and looked at my face.

“I don’t like it when you cry, Abs,” he stated, and kissed my face where the water had stained my cheeks. “So talk to me, why are you so worried about me leaving? Because I’m pretty sure that’s the root of the problem.”

I couldn’t help the small smile that broke out on my lips when he kissed me and when he so maturely stated the problem. It was like we’d switched roles; now he was the mature, level headed one.

“I’m going to miss you, and I’m scared you’ll find someone better,” I answered honestly.

“I’m gonna miss you too, but I’m not gonna be looking for anyone. I have you,” Jack replied. “You don’t seem to understand that.”

“Because it’s hard to understand,” I stated. “I’m just this random, geeky girl you helped out of a locker a year ago.”

“And? I’m just some dumb guy you helped find potential behind the clown.”

I laughed. “You’re not dumb, Jacky.”

“Around you, sometimes I feel like I am,” he admitted.

“Why?”

“Because, somehow I’m usually the one who doesn’t understand why you’re upset and don’t take into consideration the fact that you might be insecure. That’s pretty stupid considering the fact that I love you and should know these things,” he replied. “If I’d known you were worried about this tour because you’re afraid you’d lose me, then I’d have made sure to talk about it with you before all this shit went down,” Jack explained.

“You couldn’t know if I didn’t tell you.” I turned over with my back against his chest and pulled his hand around my waist. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay,” he replied, kissing the top of my head.

“Are we okay?” I asked, looking over my shoulder at him.

“Yeah, we’re okay,” he nodded. “It’s too early to be up.”

“It’s ten in the morning,” I yawned.

“You’re sleepy too,” he pointed out. “Go to sleep, loser.”

I giggled as I settled into a comfortable position. “I’m not a loser, loser.”

“Yeah, you are. But it’s okay, because you’re my loser.”

“I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I replied as I feel asleep.

Thank god he forgave me, because I wouldn’t know what to do without him.