I've Hoped For Change, It Gets Better Everyday

Time passed like it was nothing and before I knew it, it was already nearing the end of December. I’d been hanging out with the guys and Lisa everyday when I had free time. Rian started dating a girl from school named Kara. They’d had a crush on each other since she’d moved to our school in October, but barely started dating last month. We were all surprised; Rian hid his feelings quite well. I liked her immediately; she kept to herself much like I had. Lisa and Kara were my best friends and we did everything together. I was in a good place with my relationships with everyone, well, except for one.

Things with Jack were odd. He kept giving me mixed signals. He’d be flirty, like he’d been in the beginning, one day and the next he’d do everything he could to avoid me. And it seemed like every time we’d have a chance to talk, he’d tell me all about how he wasn’t ready to have a girlfriend; he was too busy for that with the band and all. It felt like he knew that I liked him and was telling me to back off. I had already figured that out, I just wanted his friendship. I knew I still liked him, obviously more than he liked me, but I was okay with just being friends. I wasn’t clingy with him and I wouldn’t throw myself at him either. I felt like telling him to calm down; I wasn’t going to jump his bones, I just wanted to hang out. No strings attached.

But then he’d call me and act like nothing was wrong and say things that made me wonder if he was hinting at something more. He took particular interest in my love life, or lack thereof. He’d tell me that it was probably in my best interest to stay single for a while, or he’d ask me if any guys were chasing me. Yes, we were friends and he was entitled to know, but he made it awkward sometimes. Especially when he’d call me beautiful, and tell me that there’s someone out there for me; little did he know I want that someone to be him.

My birthday was coming up during Christmas break and my family was going to throw me a party. Everyone was coming down for it, my aunts, uncles and cousins included. Of course I invited all my friends. They were all coming, except Jack. He said his family had plans he couldn’t get out of. I was bummed out, but then decided it was fine. I had everyone else to look forward to and my party was only in a week. I was nervous though because my mother had gone behind my back and invited practically everyone at school and they were going. Free food and the thought of witnessing my idiocy were appealing.

“So are you ready to party?” Lisa sat next to me at the lunch table. The rest of the group was in line waiting for a lunch tray.

“Yeah, sure,” I replied. I could feel Lisa’s glare of disapproval so I explained. “I don’t like being the center of attention, you know? That’s not such a great place for me, especially if I trip over myself. And I’m pretty sure that’s what everyone’s looking forward to.” I gestured around the cafeteria.

Lisa laughed. “You’ll be fine. Do you have an outfit? Your invite said formal, so kind of like prom right?”

I rolled my eyes. “I really don’t care if you come in jean shorts, cowboy boots and a t-shirt. My mom just wants things to be nice, especially since my dad’s side of the family is coming. My grandma is kind of a snob. She and my mom constantly disagree. So dress code is probably for her benefit,” I explained.

“Well it’s gives us a reason to shop. We should go today after school,” Lisa suggested.

“I can’t I’ve got work.” I speared a piece of lettuce as Kara and Rian sat down.

“How about tomorrow?” Lisa tried again. I shrugged.

“What’s going on?” Kara questioned.

“We’ve got to go shopping for dresses for Abby’s party,” Lisa answered.

“Oh that does sound fun,” Kara clapped excitedly. “We should go soon.”

Rian shook his head at us and started eating. Everyone joined us a few minutes later and talked excitedly about winter break. Everyone, that is, except Jack. He was hunched over his tray, playing with his food, ignoring everyone. I brushed it off, if he wanted to talk about it he would. He kept looking at me, but when I’d look at him he’d turn his attention back to his tray. It finally bothered me enough that I got up and sat next to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m fine,” he lied. I always knew when he was lying.

“No you’re not. You’re stabbing your spork into the mystery meat like it’s someone,” I accused. “What happened?”

“Nothing, okay? Just leave it alone.”

I rolled my eyes. He was so frustrating sometimes. I decided to change the subject. “So, you really can’t come to my party?”

“No, my parents want to go see the family. I really would rather be here, with you guys,” he answered.

I nodded and stayed quiet. The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. I groaned. “I really wish it was winter break already,” I muttered.

Jack cracked a smile. “Quit being such a cry baby.” I laughed with him as I dumped my tray. At least he was smiling this time.

~*~

“Lisa, that’s too short. I want to be able to sit down comfortably in it.” I was in some store with Lisa and Kara trying to find dresses for my birthday party tomorrow. Winter break had officially started last week, but I’d been so busy with party planning and work that this was the only free day I had.

“It is not. If you sit like a lady, you’ll be fine.” Lisa held up the black mini dress.

“No,” I told her firmly. She sighed and put it back on the rack.

“How about this one?” Kara held up a one shoulder pink dress with sequins.

I shook my head. “Too reflective.”

She hung it again. I walked around until one dress caught my eye. It was simple; an aqua blue dress with ruffled layers. I liked it. “What do you think about this?” I asked the girls.

“It’s cute, but too simple. You have to dress up more since it’s your day,” Kara said. I hung it back up and looked for another. I found one that I absolutely adored. I plucked it from the rack.

“What about this?” I held it up.

Both Lisa and Kara’s face lit up. They pulled me to the dressing room and pushed me in. “Try it on!”

They waited outside while I changed. I stepped out. “Guys?”

They both turned to look at me. “Yup, that’s the one. You look great in it,” Lisa replied. Kara just nodded her head enthusiastically.

“This is the one.”

~*~
“So, Jack can’t make it tonight?” Kara asked as Lisa was pulling at my hair.

“No, he left with his parents when school let out last week,” I replied. “He’s not coming back until school starts up again.” I was still bummed out, but it wasn’t a big deal.

“What would you do if he showed up?” Lisa asked. She wrapped loose pieces of hair around the barrel of the curling iron.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, cry maybe from shock.” There was no way he was coming. He’d said so himself, right?

“Okay, you’re done.” Lisa tapped my shoulder when she finished my hair. She’d pulled it up into an elaborate up do with a few curls framing my face. She was good at this.

I stood up and walked to my closet to pull out my dress. It was absolutely perfect. It was a strapless satin gold bubble dress with a black ribbon tied around the waist in a bow. Kara had picked out a set of black high heels that I was very nervous about using. She’d made me wear them for hours some days to get used to walking in them. I was a pro now, but I was still worried about wearing them. I’m a klutz remember?

I slipped my dress on carefully over my head so that I wouldn’t ruin Lisa and Kara’s work. Kara had done my makeup earlier. Lisa and Kara were both finishing up their hair and makeup when I stepped out. They both stopped and looked at me and smiled.

“You look awesome!” they both said simultaneously. We all burst out laughing, thinking of the same thing: Mean Girls.

“No you really do look great. Let us finish here and then we can take pictures,” Kara said. She grabbed her orange dress and silver shoes and headed to my bathroom. Lisa grabbed her purple spaghetti strap dress and her silver shoes and moved to the other side of my room. She didn’t care if she changed in front of me.

Once they were finished and we’d all double and triple checked how we looked, we took pictures of ourselves. I was finally ready and super excited. This was going to be fun.

After my parents and family gushed about how amazing the three of us looked, we finally made it to the dance hall where the boys were waiting for us. Lisa practically jumped Alex. I couldn’t blame her; he looked very handsome in his suit. All three of them did. Kara was a little more subtle. She walked to Rian and hugged him, gave him a kiss and took her place next to him. I sat next to Zack and listened to the hush conversations.

“You look amazing,” Alex whispered to Lisa, she grinned and kissed him.

“Not so bad yourself,” she replied. Alex smiled back at her then turned to me.

“Hey there, birthday girl; you look very pretty Abs.” Alex told me. Rian and Zack agreed immediately.

“Thanks guys, you look great too. Didn’t know you could clean up so well,” I teased.

People I had never talked to in my entire life showed up and to my surprise, they were pretty nice. Some even brought me presents. Then Jordan showed up, with Serena. I could feel my face fall as they entered. This was the last thing I needed.

“What the hell are they doing here?” Kara spat. That surprised even me; Kara was usually super sweet and nice. She never said anything nasty about anyone, but I couldn’t help but agree with her.

“My mom thinks that Jordan and I are friends. She doesn’t know why we broke up, she thinks it was mutual and that we’re friendly with each other,” I explained. I began making my way over to them pretty confidently, when I stopped suddenly.

Jack was right behind them, smiling at me with a box and roses. I felt my face light up and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Jack!” I ran to him and hugged him. “I thought you weren’t’ coming!”

“I convinced my parents to let me come home early. I told her I couldn’t miss this.” He hugged me tightly.

I let go of him. “I’m so glad you came. You have no idea. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he said. “You look beautiful by the way.” He handed me the roses and the box. “Happy birthday.”

I blushed. “Thank you. Well grab a plate and come eat with us.”

I forgot all about Jordan and Serena as I placed the box and the roses on the gift table. I could only focus on my friends and Jack. The music finally started and everyone was dancing.

“C’mon, I want the first dance with you.” Jack grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. I didn’t know how to dance very well, so I was very shy at first. Not to mention my balance was even worse thanks to the shoes from hell that Kara chose for me.

“Oh c’mon Abby, shake what your mama gave you!” Jack laughed. I laughed with him and tried to let loose. After awhile, I got the hang of it and forgot why I was embarrassed in the first place.

I sat down after the first two songs because my shoes were killing me. Thankfully, I’d brought flats with me. I had just changed into them when Rian came up to me.

“Hey want to dance, birthday girl?” he smiled. I nodded and stood up.

“Where’d Kara go?” I asked him. She loved to dance, so it surprised me that she was sitting this one out.

“She’s over there,” he gestured over to the table where Kara was sitting. She smiled and waved at me. “The birthday girl should get a dance with everyone,” he explained.

I smiled at him and we talked while we danced. I noticed Jack dancing with my cousin, Linda, and staring at her. She was my age, tall and brunette, with killer legs and an amazing body. She was very athletic.

I felt a pang of jealousy hit me. But it shouldn’t matter. Jack had just met her, and he said he wasn’t looking for anything. He came to surprise me not her, right? I tried my best to ignore him and make it seem like I didn’t care what he was doing. It wasn’t hard; I was having a great time with everyone. I dance with Lisa and Kara, Zack, Alex, and Rian many times. I was still very aware of Jack, though. He seemed like he was trying to avoid me, but I caught him looking at me a few times.

The night was over soon. Too soon if you ask me; it passed like a blur. My parents and everyone helped clean up and took all my gifts to the truck. I’d have a chance to open them later. The guys and girls wanted to go out to hang for a while at IHOP. They went in one car and I rode with Adam, Linda, and some other cousins of ours.

We sat at a large table, Lisa right next to me. I was saving a seat for Jack in front of me, but when he came he hesitated. I pretended to pay attention to something else as he asked Alex to sit in front of me and he’d sit in front of Lisa. Alex told him to bug off; he was sitting with his girlfriend. Jack hit him and took the seat in front of me, reluctantly. I was hurt; he really didn’t want to sit next to me. I felt Lisa pat my hand under the table and I tried to brighten up, but it was hard, especially when they guy you like is in front of you and he keeps staring at your cousin.

I leaned over to Lisa and whispered to her the question that had been bothering me. “Jack likes Linda, doesn’t he?”

Lisa sighed and looked at me sadly. “He said he really liked her on our way over here. I got mad at him and told him that he needed to stop screwing with your feelings.”

I looked down. “So he knows that I like him?”

“He’s known since a few months ago, a long time before tonight.”

I felt my eyes water a bit before I forced myself to hold the tears. Jack knew that I liked him. All this time and he knew. He’d still do things that he shouldn’t if we were just friends. He’d call me and we’d talk forever and he’d tell me things like he was sure guys were after me, and that I should stay single. He’d flirt with me, chase me around parking lots, tease me, and hit me playfully with magazines. He came to party to ‘surprise’ me and told me I looked beautiful. After all of that, he was just toying with me.

I lost all desire to be out tonight. The memory of how happy I was when he showed up made me feel stupid. I probably looked like an idiot grinning so much. And he knew it; he knew why I was so happy. I kept a straight face and sucked it up.

This was my night and I’d be damned if I cried in front of Jack Barakat tonight.