I've Hoped For Change, It Gets Better Everyday

Linda did nothing but gush about the date for the rest of the weekend. Needless to say, I was sick of her. They were going out later this evening as well. I thanked God that we didn’t have school for another week, which certainly made things easier to handle for me. I didn’t know how I’d feel around Jack knowing that he’d just been making out with my cousin. I was hurt, and upset; I wanted nothing to do with him. The fact that he was willing to mess around with me and still pretend like nothing was wrong was totally wrong. I had a feeling this was the end of our friendship; it had to be.

“Abby, can you hurry up? I really need to get the store,” My mom called. Linda was going to babysit this morning so that I’d take over this evening. I was going to go grocery shopping with my mother so that I wouldn’t have to listen to Linda.

“Yes, yes, I’m coming. Give me two seconds,” I called back. I was straightening my hair for the first time and I was just about done. I know it’s weird that I’m getting all dressed up, but I felt like it. I’d spent most of the weekend in sweats, makeup-less and with my hair up. I wanted to feel good.

I ran down the stairs and almost ran into my cousin at the bottom. I mumbled a sorry and shoved past her.

“Abby wait,” Linda said. She grabbed my arm and forced me to stop.

I turned reluctantly. “What?”

She frowned slightly. “What’s going on with you? You don’t want to talk to me or hang out anymore. Is this because of Jack?”

This time I frowned. Believe it or not I didn’t want to treat her differently, but it just happened. I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just kind of freaked about college and stuff; it’s a lot to take in. It’s not you or Jack. Sorry if I made you feel that way,” I lied, hoping that she’d drop the subject.

Linda smiled. “Oh okay, I understand. I was just worried. Okay then, you sure you don’t want to hang out with me?”

“Uh, no, I’ll have these buggers tonight while you go off and have fun.” I tried to smile genuinely. It wasn’t working out so great. Linda’s face fell ever so slightly.

“Ok, I’ll see you later then.”

I walked off without another word. I was about to get in the car when I heard someone else call my name. I turned around to see Jack a few houses down walking towards my mom’s car. I shook my head and opened the door.

“Abby, wait up!” Jack was running now. I jumped in quickly and shut the door.

“Go,” I instructed. My mom looked at me then to Jack, unsure of what to do. “Mom, go. Please.” Jack was getting closer. My mom finally stepped on the gas and moved. I watched Jack’s face fall as we sped away. I was tempted to look back, but I resisted the urge.

“What was that about?” My mom asked once we’d reached the end of the street.

“I don’t want to talk to Jack anymore,” I offered as an explanation. “It’s a long story that I don’t wish to discuss.”

“Okay then, I’ll take that as my cue to shut up,” my mom muttered.

“It’s just something I’ll deal with on my own. Sorry mom, it’s not you. It’s just… complicated,” I told her. I didn’t want my mom to feel bad.

“That’s fine, I understand. But I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about it.”

“Thanks mom. I’ll keep that in mind.”

~*~

I put the last of the groceries away and grabbed a bottle of water. I was insanely thirsty. I twisted off the cap and tipped the bottle. Hands grabbed my sides and poked me viciously. I spit the water out and spun around. “What the hell?”

Jack smirked at me while I tried to calm my heart down. I wiped my mouth and glared at him, repeating my question. “What the hell, Jack?”

“You deserved it. You totally ignored me this morning,” he said.

“Whatever, Jack. What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were gone?”

“I’m helping Linda with the kids. We’re going out later,” he motioned toward the living room where the kids could be heard.

“Oh,” I said awkwardly. Jack didn’t really like kids, so I was surprised that he’d come to help. I had nothing more to say so I started cleaning up the water I’d spilled.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jack’s question came out of the blue for me, but I suppose that was the whole point of his talking to me.

“I’m fine,” I replied stiffly. I threw away the napkins and washed my hands. I was about to walk out when Jack grabbed my arm. This was the second time I’d had this happen.

“You don’t seem fine. You act like you hate me or something,” Jack snapped. “What the heck’s going on?”

I couldn’t help the bitter laugh that escaped my mouth. “It’s not like you’d give a shit, Jack. You know what’s wrong, you just want to pretend you don’t.” I pulled my arm away from him.

“That’s bullshit, Abby, and you know it.”

“No, you’re the one who’s talking bullshit. What’s all this crap about you not being ready for a girlfriend, but you’re dating my cousin, huh? You knew I liked you and you kept messing around with me, all the while shoving it in my face that you’re not the relationship type of guy. You avoid me like the plague some days. I’m not trying to throw myself at you so why are you such a jerk to me sometimes? I can’t take it anymore. It’s too confusing and it hurts, because you make me feel like I’m some desperate nobody who clings onto a fantasy,” I yelled. I didn’t realize I’d started crying until I’d stopped speaking. The whole house was silent; everyone had heard me.

Jack stayed silent for a moment. “I don’t really know what to tell you.”

I scoffed. “That’s not a problem. Just don’t come to my house anymore, don’t call me, and don’t talk to me. I want to go back to the way we were before I met you.”

Jack nodded. “Fine, if that’s what you want.”

“It is. Goodbye, Jack.” I turned on my heel and flew up the stairs, practically falling on the way there. The tears where falling from my eyes freely now; so much so that I couldn’t see anything. I stumbled into my room and slammed the door shut. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

~*~
As ridiculous as it was, I spent the next three days holed up in my room. Linda attempted several times to come talk to me, but I wasn’t having any of it. By the third day, she’d had enough and told me that I was an idiot and completely jealous of her. I screamed back, telling her she was a whore. I think that’s the last time she’ll be here to visit; so much for our sisterly bond.

Alex, Lisa, Rian, Kara and Zack were currently on the other side of my door, demanding that I let them in.

“Abby, come on. This is so stupid. Let us in.” Alex’s voice filtered in under the door.

“No!” I yelled back. I was lying on my bed, hanging off the edge.

“If you don’t let us in, Rian and I will kick the door down!” Zack warned. I sighed and threw the covers off of me. I jumped up and positioned myself against my dresser and pushed.

“What is that sound?” I heard Lisa ask.

“I don’t know.” I could just imagine Kara leaning up against the door.

I put my back into it, and the dresser inched over.

“It sounds like… like she’s moving her furniture around,” Zack replied. “Abby, what are you doing?”

I finally managed to move the dresser in front of my door. “I’d like to see you try to kick the door down now!” I yelled breathless.

“She fucking blocked the door with her dresser, didn’t she?” Rian asked.

“Yup,” Alex replied. I didn’t hear anymore conversation; instead there was the sound of footsteps retreating. I’d won. I lay down on my bed again, satisfied. My victory, however, was cut short when my window slid open and Zack, Rian, and Alex both jumped in from the tree next to my window.

“Do you guys not know how to take a hint?” I groaned as I covered my head with pillows. Alex walked over to my bed and sat down, while Zack and Rian moved my dresser to its original spot and let Lisa and Kara in. I didn’t bother looking at anyone; I felt my bed sink down as weight was added to it.

“Okay, Abs, talk. What happened with you and Jack?” Lisa broke the silence first.

“If I wanted to talk about it, Lisa, I would’ve already,” I grumbled. I was in a horrendous mood.

“Well whatever happened, you need to get over it. Our show is in a few hours and you’re coming with,” Alex said.

“I’m not going. Linda will be there and so will Jack,” I replied.

“You are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”
“Am not!”

“ARE TOO!” Alex yelled at me. “You are coming because you promised. I want you there, Zack wants you there, Rian wants you there, and even though he’s too dumb to admit it, Jack wants you there too.”

I sighed and looked at the five faces around me, each with a puppy dog look. “Fine,” I said, defeated. “I’ll be there.”

“Yes!” Alex jumped off my bed and ran outside, followed closely by the other two boys.

“You’ll have fun, you’ll see. We won’t leave you,” Kara promised me.

“Yeah, we’ll keep Jack and Linda away from you,” Lisa added.

“Okay. I don’t know what to wear,” I admitted. Lisa got that gleam in her eye and ran to my closet. Kara smiled and rolled her eyes at me.

“You will in, like, five minutes.”

Lisa emerged from my room holding up a pair of dark denim skinny jeans, a teal tube top with a ruffle down the middle and heels. I started shaking my head at them, but Lisa glared at me. “You can wear them and you know it.”

“Lisa, I just want to be comfortable. I want flats,” I argued. She sighed and took back the heels, returning with my black flats.

“Thank you, Lisa.”

“Whatever… you’re so lame,” Lisa teased. I smiled at her and Kara as they left to let me change. I tousled my hair so that there were loose curls left and put on some make up. I grabbed my purse and stepped out where Kara and Lisa were waiting. Linda came out of the guest room then and just looked at me.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re going?” Linda placed a hand on her hip.

“Yes, I’m going to support my best friends.” I replied.

“Jack doesn’t need your so called support.” Linda was in quite the catty mood.

“I wasn’t talking about him.” I didn’t wait to hear what else she had to say. I walked down the stairs with Kara and Lisa as Alex, Zack and Rian pulled into my driveway. We were going in the van they’d acquired; all of us.

I sighed as Linda walked out and Jack simply ignored me. This was a terrible idea. Jack and Linda took the seat farthest back and Kara and Rian squished themselves next to them. I had the pleasure of sitting in front of them. Lisa was trying to let me take shot gun, but I knew she wanted to be with Alex up front. Zack sat next to me instead.

“You alright?” he asked in a whisper. I nodded and pulled out my iPod.

“I’m just tired,” I replied as I put in the headphones. I could feel Linda and Jack looking at me.

Zack nodded and patted his shoulder. I leaned against him gratefully. I was tired. It took a moment to get situated; Zack put his arm around my shoulders and scooted me closer to him so that I was leaning on his chest. The ride was extremely silent and awkward, even more so when Linda and Jack decided to play tonsil hockey. It’s like they were doing it on purpose.

We finally arrived to the club where the boys were playing, and after receiving stamps that declared we were underage, we were allowed in as long as we didn’t try to order alcohol. The boys separated from us and went to get all their equipment ready while we girls found a table. I sat on one end and Linda sat at the other. Lisa and Kara dutifully sat between us. I felt bad putting them in the middle, but I really didn’t want to be near my cousin.

The atmosphere was interesting, music blared from the speakers and tons of bodies were moving to the beat. The lights added to the feeling and soon enough, my mood was lifted. Finally, the music cut out and the boys were all set up and ready to start their show.

“Hey there, everyone, we’re All Time Low and we’re here to play you guys some songs. We hope you like them,” Alex grinned at the crowd. Everyone cheered and the first few chords rang out. I kept my eyes on the three boys I still considered friends and kept them off a certain guitarist.

They were a huge success. Everyone loved them. I was so proud and excited for them. The show went well, absolutely fantastic actually. After their set they thanked the crowd, said their goodnights, and joined us at the table. I was extremely uncomfortable. The music started blaring again and the dance floor was once again crowded.

“Abby, you want to dance?” Zack held his hand out to me. I nodded, knowing it would be better than sitting with those two.

I grabbed his hand and he led me to the middle. We were pushed around until we finally made it. I started moving to the beat, Zack right behind me. His hands gripped my waist and moved my hips in time with his. He had rhythm, I’d give him that much.

“Jack’s not worth it you know?” Zack said to me, he had to speak loudly in order for me to hear him over the music.

“I’ve heard that before,” I replied.

“Yeah, well it’s true. He’s one of my good friends, but he’s an idiot to not see what you’ve got to offer.” Zack smiled at me. He was sweet. “Look, Abby, I really like you. I think you’re one of the sweetest, most thoughtful, caring people I’ve ever met. I know that you cared a lot about Jack, you still might, but I’d like a chance to be with you.”

Zack and I had stopped moving. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

“You want what?” I asked, confused. I was so confused.

He sighed. “I want to date you.”

The simplicity of his sentence was completely overshadowed by the complication of my feelings. I didn’t want to say yes and risk making Zack the rebound guy. Plus, it would ruin a good friendship if it didn’t work out; and I’d be on half of the band’s bad side. On the other hand, Zack was sweet. It could work and I really, really didn’t want to be alone.

“Zack, I really like you too, I do. But I don’t want to ruin this friendship if this doesn’t work out. I don’t want to use you. I don’t want you to be the rebound guy,” I told him. “Otherwise, I’d say yes.”

“I understand that. We’ll be fine. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But what if it does? We’d both be happy, and that’s what matters, right?” Zack pointed out.

“What about how I feel about Jack?”

“I think I’ll have to make you forget about him.”

“You seriously want to date me?” I asked him. This was insane.

“Yes, how many times do I have to say it? Just because Jack’s too stupid to see what’s right in front of him doesn’t mean that I am,” Zack stated. He was serious.

“So, Abigail, what do you say?”