All I Feared

“When was the best time of your life?” I whispered, kissing his chest and letting my fingers glide over his chest hairs. Bliss.
“The night I met you,” he murmured, twirling the light brown strands that fell over her chest and shoulders.
“Really? Why?”
“Because I had just got out of prison, and then I met a gorgeous girl who has changed my life completely.” He said softly.
“What were you in prison for? You never did tell me…” I asked cautiously.
“Babe, it was years ago, you really don’t need to know,” He sighed.
“But what happened…”
“Sshh,” he whispered, sliding one hand down to cup my breast and the other to my hips where he caressed me gently. I giggled then he rolled over onto me and pressed his soft lips against mine, urging them open and slipping his tongue in. His stubble tickled my chin and he moved his lips so they played on my neck, like little secrets whispering against my skin, working their way down as he rocked me back and forth.

*****

We lay in ‘til noon that day. Playing and chatting; but avoiding the prison subject at all costs. I was gagging for a shower when we finally did grace the rest of our apartment with our presence. David went out to buy more milk for coffee, and I was alone in my open dressing gown, pottering about the kitchen thinking of something to do when there was a knock on the door. Tying my dressing-gown I shuffled over, peeped through the peephole, and opened it for Steve.
“Hey! What’re you doing here?” I asked surprised.
“Oh, did David not tell you? I was meant to be coming round now to get my package, I’m sure he said noon?”
“Don’t worry about it, he probably forgot, come in!” I said, opening the door wider, “I would offer you a coffee, but David’s just gone out to get milk, I can do black if you like? Sit down, gosh, don’t just stand there!”

“Black’d be awesome thanks,” Steve said, hesitantly lowering himself into the nearest chair, “So, what have you two been getting up to this morning, eh?” Steve asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.
“Oh you know, things,” he looked up at me knowingly as I handed him his coffee and sat down next to him with a glass of orange juice, “What about yourself?”
“Not much, just doing some odd jobs and stuff. You okay? You seem restless?”
"Hey, yeah, I know this is an odd thing to ask, but d’you know why David went to jail, he won’t tell me?” I enquired questioningly: I wasn’t going to let it go that quickly. Steve almost choked on his coffee.
“You mean he hasn’t told you?” He exclaimed, shocked.
I shook my head, “Why, is it serious?” Steve’s face told me it definitely was.

“Listen, I’m down with you and David being a couple, but that was ‘cause I thought you knew and you were okay with it. This, this is fucked up now.”
“Why? Why! What is it? You have to tell me!” I said, standing up quickly.
“It was a few years back, maybe five I think; he was convicted of sexual acts with an underage person after his girlfriend was found dead. They dropped charges of murder because there wasn't enough evidence. She was only fifteen, they never did catch the killer..."

And my heart stopped and lurched in my throat. My stomach churned and I was suddenly self-conscious, I wrapped my gown tighter round my body and hugged myself and cried. I cried until my head hurt. I sat down and cried until I was shaking. Long, heaving, painful sobs that made it hard to breathe. Steve hugged me and I didn’t speak. “I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”