I'm Not Okay I Promise

I eventually woke up late this morning, I looked around and saw my familiar room at the dorms, it was the usual roomy, spacious room that I used to sleep in before going into that house and sleeping with Gerard. I feel a bit hungry, maybe because I just ate chips yesterday for dinner.

I got up and went to the bathroom, I did my hair and I changed into my uniform, I also wore a scarf and jacket, since the school building is next to the park. I took my bag and I opened the door outside, to my surprise Ian was there... I just stared at him, I remember yesterday, maybe it's just a joke? I gave him a smile and he held out his hand.

"Good morning Ian." I said while looking away, in the corner of my eye, I saw him smile.

"Good morning Terri." He said back, I took his hand and I closed the door. We just... Walked, there was this awkward silence between us, I don't know what to say. I have so many questions to ask him but I'm afraid... Afraid of what he might say.

"Uh... I... Um..." I stammered, he looked at me with his perfect face.

"What is it?" He asked, he still looks good even if his smile turns into a frown, his face is just like a well-painted picture with no frames.

"Uhm... What... You said last night-" I began to say it but he started to speak.

"It's all true, I like you Terri, not just like... I think... I'm in love with you." He said calmly, trying not to act nervous, he continued to walk but I stopped. Think?! What could think mean? A 50-50 percent chance of him liking me as a friend or liking me as something else.

"Wh-What do you mean... Friend?" I asked him, he stopped walking, we were far apart from each other at this point.

"I'm confused, I don't know if I'm really in love or if I'm not." He said and I began to walk towards him.

"I know, this is all just confusing..." I said and we continued to walk, it was a long walk and with it, an awkward silence. I'm confused, shouldn't he be with Nia? Not me... I shouldn't say anything about this to anyone yet, or someone might get hurt, not physically, but emotionally.

"Uh..." I Ian said.

"What is it?" I asked him and he shrugged.

"I was just thinking... Do you have a-" He said, but I began to talk.

"Yes I have a date to the dance." I said and he just stood there.

"What? Anything wrong, Ian?" I asked and he frowned.

"I was thinking about asking you to the dance, but well... I know you're still with Brad, so..." He stammered.

"We can go out after the dance?" I said and he smiled.

"Sure." He said, he walked me to class and we sat down on our separate chairs, not talking to each other, nor having any contact with each other at class. It was like that the whole day long... I only glanced at him while we walked to the next class. It was my last class for today, Art. I sat down next to Gerard, who gave me a smile.

"Hey." He said and I looked at him, and I continued to do my work.

"Terri, is anything wrong?" Gerard asked me and I shook my head, he frowned.

"Tell me!" He said, raising his voice.

"I don't have anything to tell you!" I spat back, the whole class heard us. I sighed, Ms. Skye, our art teacher frowned at me, she sent me to the back of the room. Well, it's better than sitting next to Gerard! I'm starting to hate him... He's just... Or maybe I'm just... Jealous? That he loves someone else...

"Sorry." I said to Ms. Skye and I sat down, the whole day went by faster than I thought, I'm outside, walking back to my dorm right now. It's cold around, considering that it's winter. Suddenly, a pair of hands met my waist, I turned around and saw the person that I had despised most.

"What do you want?" I asked him and he sighed.

"I'm sorry about what happened earlier." He said and I shook my head.

"It's ok now, I'm fine Gerard." I said.

"No it's not... Tell me what's bugging you." He said and I took his hands off me.

"I, need some space." I said and he frowned.

"Why?" He asked and I sighed.

"Look, can you please not talk to me right now..." I said, trying not to snap.

"Why?" He asked again, I can't take this anymore.

"I need some time alone! And if you want to know why I'm like this, Ask the person you love so much!" I said and I ran off, I looked back one last time and I saw him just standing there, staring at me. I began to run to my dorm, luckily, Nia was there.

"Nia." I said while panting, she gave me a puzzled look.

"What's wrong?" She asked, but before I could answer, I just pushed her into my room and I locked the door. She looked at me again.

"Gerard, is getting into my nerves!" I said and she sighed.

"I know, that was because of what happened on Art class right?" She asked and I nodded, I began to cry.

"Why are you crying Terri?" She asked me as she came closer to me.

"I'm so confused!" I said out, she sighed.

"Love is confusing, there's nothing else we could do..." She said and I looked at her.

"No, not that, I like Gerard, I love Brad... Now think about that!" I said as I started to wipe away my tears.

"You should take a walk... Want me to come with you?" She asked but I shook my head. She stood up and she walked outside.

"Remember, have a long walk and think things clearly." She said and I nodded, she closed the door. I looked around and saw an unfamiliar box on my desk, I opened the box and I saw a black and blue dress, it's so beautiful, I think it would look good with my hair, I went to the salon with Nia on lunchtime. The stylist made a mistake and she made my hair shorter, I hate my hair right now... I want my long blond hair with black highlights.

"Who could this be from?" I asked myself and I shrugged, just as I was about to try on the dress, I heard a knock from the door.

"Come in." I said as I folded the dress carefully and placed it back on the box, eventually, Ian came in with a camera.

"Uh... Hi Ian." I said as I looked at his camera.

"Hi Terri, could you bring that box with you to the photo room?" He asked me. He knows about the box? I just followed him all of a sudden, without thinking. We went into the photo room and he told me to open the box.

"That's a nice dress." He said and I smiled.

"I know, you know where this is from?" I asked him and he nodded, he handed out a note. I opened it slowly and I read it, it was from Brad... It said:

Hi Terri,
How are you babe? I'm fine here in England... I think you've already gotten the dress I sent you... It's a designer item, 10 of that kind and I got you one, I assigned Ian there to get some pictures for me... So I can buy another in case you or I don't like the dress. I'll be home next week so let's meet at the cafe. Stay mine.
-Brad

"So Brad wants you to take pictures of me?" I asked him and he nodded.

"Apparently, he did." Ian said while I went to the bathroom to get dressed. I think this is stupid! Why can't he just buy me a dress here?! I began to take off my shirt and pants and I started to put on my dress, I went outside after changing.

"Ready to take pictures?" Ian asked me and I nodded, after some shots, I went back to the bathroom to dress back into my clothes. After changing again I went outside, Ian was smiling. He handed out an envelope and I placed it on my pocket. I sat myself on the table.

"So, should I leave now?" I asked him but he shook his head, he locked the door and he went closer to me.

"Don't leave yet." He said with a smile, he came closer and tackled me onto the table.

"You comfy?" He asked me, I nodded.

"So what are you gonna do?" I asked, he shrugged.

"I don't know..." He said playfully, I placed my arms around his neck. Just when we were about to kiss, a knock came from the door.

"Ian?" It's sounds like Nia. I ran to the bathroom to hide, I gestured Ian to open the door. As I closed the door slowly, I heard them talking outside, I remember the envelope Ian gave me. It's good that I placed it on my pocket before Ian opened the door, I opened the envelope and saw my pictures, but this is the one that caught my eye:



I just sat there, waiting for Ian to open the door.