Love Among the Pizza Boxes

I’m at the park.
On the swings.
Swinging.
Swinging on the swings.
My hands are hanging limply and I’m slouched over.
The sky is a dark, dark purple.
It scares me.
I’m so small right now.
So small.
So small.
It’s interesting- this feeling.
Right now I’m… colorless, blank, hollow, numb.
I look at the gravel beneath me. It’s stained blue from the sky.
Everything around be is various shades of blue and black and violet.
Like a hazy curtain was pulled over it all.
And then I grab on to the chains on the swings.
And I start pumping my legs and feeling nothing.
I am perfectly functional.
And nothing more.
And then the purple sky lets loose and the rain falls down.
And my legs stop and I jump off the swings and I’m on my hands and knees in the pouring rain and I’m feeling.
And I’m being ripped apart and drenched. Soaked in anguish.
And I stumble to my feet and go to the fountain.
The stupid, stupid fountain.
I look at the old fisherman.
He looks back.
I shake my head at him.
And then I walk forward and climb into the fountain. I’m nose to nose with the old man.
I stare at his bronze eyes.
And I take a penny from my pocket and flip it into the water.
There’s my wish.
I wish what Kairi said wasn’t true.
That Riku didn’t…
I fall into the fountain.
That he didn’t lie to me when he said he was mine.
If he didn’t mean it… I don’t know. I really don’t know.
Because I don’t know what I’m feeling.
And he didn’t mean it.
He isn’t mine.
But I’m still his.
The numbness is back- but that’s probably because I’m sitting in ice cold water in the rain.
I lean my head against the stone side of the fountain and remember what I brought in my pockets.
I dangle a little bottle in front of my face and I smile at it.
It’s my friend.
And I open it and chug it down and let me get even more numb than the water can provide until I don’t have any more little bottles left in my pockets.