Something We've Lost

The lights of Baltimore gleamed below the airplane as it soared towards Baltimore Washington International Airport. To Jack, they looked like the small dots of a Lite Brite toy—though instead of creating a picture, the lights shone in a completely nonsensical fashion. He tried looking for some kind of pattern in the whites, yellows, reds and greens but there was no sense to their placement at all. "Fuck you," he frowned at the lights.

He pulled the shade down to cover the window and turned to his best friend and bandmate, Alex. "Does it make me a douche that I really don't want anybody that knows us to be at the airport?" he asked.

Alex looked up from his cell phone and pondered the question for a minute before nodding. "Yes," he announced, "It does. But who isn't a douche at three in the morning?"

"Hear, hear," Jack relented before turning his attention to his half empty cup of soda. He noticed that Alex was casting him a strange look so as he chewed on a melting ice cube, he demanded, "What?"

"'Hear hear'?" Alex repeated.

"I was reading Harry Potter yesterday," admitted Jack in an almost embarrassed fashion.

Alex's eyes became round, and his eyebrows climbed higher. "You can read?" he asked in amazement.

Jack rolled his eyes but chuckled. "Douche," he grumbled. The pilot's voice came over the intercom and announced that they were beginning their descent, which roused some of the slumbering passengers and caused Jack's stomach to give a nervous flop. The landing always felt like the worst part of the entire flight.

"Does it make you feel young, coming home?" Alex inquired as he buckled his seat belt.

Jack shoved a piece of gum into his mouth and began chewing furiously in hopes that it would save his ears from popping. "Uh, I don't know," he shrugged. "Kind of, but that's only because I still live with my mom and dad. Actually, it makes me feel old. May and Joe both have their own places."

"You ever worried we're going to run into people we knew in high school?"

"Nah," Jack countered, "I mean, she lives in Connecticut now." His ears popped.

Alex looked over at him as the plane touched the runway and began slowing down. "I wasn't talking about Aspen," he pointed out.

The aircraft came to a halt, and the pilot thanked everyone for flying with American Airlines. Jack unbuckled his seat belt and jumped to his feet, eager to be off the plane. Not to mention he could tell that he and Alex were at the beginning of a conversation that he was not interested in having. "I thought we agreed we were never going to say that name again," Jack retorted as he pulled his backpack from the overhead compartment.

"You're the one who brought her into the conversation," countered Alex. "I just asked about people from high school in general."

"Why would I be worried about running into people from high school in general?" Jack demanded as he walked into the aisle, hoping to shake Alex. His friend merely stepped out right behind Jack though, cutting off a disgruntled looking man in an ill-fitting business suit. "It's obvious you were talking about Aspen," Jack added as they reached the front of the plane and Zack, Rian, and Matt joined them.

"Well, since we're talking about her, do you ever think about calling her up?" Alex continued.

"No," Jack stated firmly as he pulled his iPod from his pocket and pushed the headphones into his ears. "Conversation over."

Matt's eyebrows rose as he caught the end of the discussion. "Someone's feeling like a diva, huh?" he commented, motioning to Jack with his eyes. Alex nodded.

"It's three in the morning," Jack snapped, paraphrasing what Alex had told him earlier, "I'm entitled to being a diva."

"Jack, a dude should never be a diva," Alex countered as he nudged the lanky guitarist along. The businessman behind him had cleared his throat in irritation, obviously not wanting to stand around while Jack bitched.

"I don't hear you," Jack decided as he mimed turning up the volume on his iPod. Honestly, he didn't touch the volume at all—if he knew his friends, they weren't going to just drop the subject.

He was right. "I think he misses her," Alex announced.

Rian rolled his eyes. "I think you want him to miss her," he countered.

"Well, kind of," admitted Alex, "Aspen and Jack were really good together. They were happy! Have you seen Jack get attached to a girl since then?"

Jack had to remind himself that he was supposed to be listening to music so that he didn't open his mouth to defend himself. Not wanting to hear whatever was going to be said next, he pressed the button on the side of his iPod until the music was turned up so loudly that he couldn't hear anything that was being said around him.

He had been in relationships since Aspen. And he had liked those girls. Sure, it wasn't another four year extravaganza, but they were serious relationships. Kind of.

There shouldn't be any pressure for him to move on though. It wasn't like he still felt anything for Aspen; he hadn't seen her since they graduated high school four years ago, and it wasn't like they had ended their high school spanning relationship on good terms.

But that didn't mean that he liked talking or thinking about her either. They had grown up together, in a sense. They had gone through the awkward years of puberty together; they had braved all of their homecomings and proms together; they had studied for the ACTs and SATs together; and Aspen had been at every one of All Time Low's early shows, just like Jack had gone to all of her soccer games. She had been such a big part of his life, and then she had just let him go.

No, Jack didn't love Aspen anymore. There were times that he missed her, as well as times that he hated her. She was just like any other person from his past; a ghost now, really.

He grabbed his luggage off of the appropriate conveyor belt before pulling his headphones out of his ears, causing all of his friends to stop speaking. He assumed they had been discussing Aspen still. "I'm just gonna go home tonight," he said, though the group had plans for a party at Alex and Rian's house. "It's really late."

Zack spoke up first. "Okay, Jack. We'll call you tomorrow for Panera or something." It was a peace offering, an attempt to make sure that Jack wasn't mad at them.

"Yup," Jack agreed before walking outside and looking for the car that he had asked May to rent for him. He assumed it was the heinous yellow PT Cruiser—his sister could be cruel sometimes—and double checked the license plate number that she had texted to him for confirmation. He sighed, made a mental note to get back at her, then opened the door and dropped his stuff into the back seat.

He turned up the radio as he started driving, not even caring that the radio stations in Baltimore never played anything good. He just needed something to distract him so that he wasn't alone with his head. While Jack liked being home, it was also dangerous. Jack Barakat needed excitement, he needed activity. If not, Jack thought way too much.