No Strings Attached, Please?

Turning over my head slightly to where Nat drove away from my driveway, I couldn’t hide my smile. Nat was full of surprises and I started to believe he really needed his bipolar treatment. He could be the biggest asshole for awhile and another time, Nat could turn into the most adorable cat that I could squish anytime. And that name he just called me, I had no problem being called like that as long as it’s Nat.

River.

I couldn’t figure out why it fit to hear him say that. And that playful grin he offered was accelerating my heart. I knew sooner or later I would find myself adoring his smile. Oh God! I couldn’t find the appropriate reason why I turned out like this!

Shaking my head to wipe the thoughts of how cute and kissable Nat’s smile was, I walked inside the house. I already expected Mike would be here since his so-called new ride was parked in front of the house. I never knew that a writer could purchase a limited Rolls Royce like that.

“I’m home,” I called out to notify them of my presence. Mom was probably home already, well of course she was since Mike was here, duh. I jogged up the stairs but I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard hustle and bustle that came from the kitchen. It wasn’t like Mike’s voice; the voice was deeper and unfamiliar to my ears. I almost came to a conclusion that... if it wasn’t Mike then who the fuck was it? A burglar? Oh fuck.

I supposed that the burglar had heard my voice from the door; I knew he probably had known that I was inside the house. But thank God that my presumption was finally proven wrong when I heard my Mom’s voice inside the kitchen. It seemed like she was talking to someone I didn’t know.

Mike? No. Since when Mike did a voice pipe surgery?

I walked slowly toward the kitchen and revealed who was talking with my Mom. It was a middle aged man with grey suite holding a glass with some liquor on it. His back was turned to me as Mom stood there in front of him, her hand resting on the counter. They were in the middle of chatting. My Mom looked uncomfortable and I heard they were arguing about something. But the real question was... who was he? A Repo man?

Mom snapped her eyes to me and looked horrified when she saw me there.

“Mom?” I called. In an instant, the middle aged man turned his stool (since he sat on the toadstool) and spotted me with startled eyes.

“Uh… honey...” Mom forced a smile, “How was the school?” she asked. Alright, this wasn’t good. My Mom didn’t usually ask about my school. This meant something.

“Fine,” I simply replied.

“That’s good. Uh... why don’t you go up to your room? I need something to talk about with uh... Mr. Davis” Mom told me giving me a signified look while this Mr. Davis looked away from her.

“Uh... sure...” I said, understanding the message. I turned on my heel away but I was stopped.

“No, Savannah, stay here...” he said. I frowned and quickly turned my head when I heard the man call my name. He knew my name. But I didn’t know him. “Heather, what’s your problem? I missed her, I really need to see her...” he added.

“You miss her?” Mom scoffed, “Then where the fuck were you these fifteen years?” she snapped bitterly and then turned to me, “Go to your room now, Savannah Riveraine” Mom ordered but I didn’t even flinch. I remained there to know there’s some peculiarity in the kitchen. That man must be someone.

“Mom? Who is he?”

Mr. Davis stood up and smiled warmly at me. Oh wait, please, I didn’t want to deal with some unknown man that was probably one of my Mom’s freaky exes. He approached me and then suddenly I was engulfed in a hug. I was beyond confused at the moment. All I could do was pull myself away from this stranger.

He might have let me go but he came back again as he cupped my cheeks. He looked really happy and almost like he was on the verge of tears when he examined my face.

“Jesus Christ, I really missed you,” he then hugged me again, this time tighter. “You’re a big girl now,”

Who was he? A relative?

Oh wait, suddenly I realized something... was he my...

“Daddy?” I called him, making him hug me even tighter and he burst out in tears. He kissed my cheek and rubbed my back in fatherly way. What I did next was examine his feature to assure myself that it was my Dad for real.

Daddy pulled away while he was cupping my cheeks again, I took a second to observe his face. He had a flaming red hair with pale face in his early thirties. He had the same warm hazel eyes like I remembered, some age wrinkles came on the parts of his face. We had the same shape of nose and other shared genetics that made me sure that it was really Daddy.

I couldn’t help crying when he repeatedly said how much he missed me, how he’s shocked to find how beautiful I was, and even how sorry he was that he wasn’t there in my life. Then, the last part quickly snapped out of me. I stopped crying and slowly pulled away from his hug.

Mom pulled Daddy’s wrist and pushed him away from me.

“You don’t deserve her anymore, Jake. You’re not her father!”

Daddy’s eyes were dimmed, like he was begging my Mom.

“Heather, I know I made a big mistake. But I came back, I’m here right now, we can start over again, together...”

Mom looked taken aback; her eyes were softened when she heard Daddy. But she was determined to fight back and be a regular abandoned mother and fiancée.

“Where were you this whole time? Fifteen years isn’t a short time to figure your stupid mistake, Jake. You... you...” Mom couldn’t help but cry too. I knew she actually missed Daddy, it clearly showed in her eyes. She missed his presence, she missed everything about him. Especially since I knew that every time she saw me, she saw Daddy. I reminded her of him.

Daddy sighed and decided to walk to Mom. He rested his hands on her shoulder hoping it would soothe her.

“Listen up, Heather. I’m really really truly sorry for being an asshole back then. I wasn’t as committed as you expected. I was really stupid and seriously immature. You know... having a child at sixteen years old isn’t easy, especially for me...” he reasoned and I could hear his honesty there. But I knew how my Mom felt about that. She must be angry with him, really angry.

Actually, I was angry with him too, but I couldn’t hide my yearning for him. Even though I didn’t remember much since he left me when I was only three, there are still memories of him that remained in my head.

I still remembered when he went panic over my illness. I got a high fever one time, and Mom was still in college and it was his turn to watch over me at home since he didn’t have class at the time. He went all panic and didn’t know what to do except take me to the hospital on a bike he owned back then.

Daddy didn’t know how to take care a sick toddler with high fever, heck; he knew nothing about parenting at his age. But he tried his hardest to save me. He paddled his bike over a mile to the hospital. He probably was too panicked to get a taxi.

I knew that even though he left me and my Mom, he actually loved us. If he didn’t love me or care about me, he wouldn’t have panicked and he might have just let me die of high fever that time.

“DO YOU THINK IT’S EASY FOR ME?” Mom suddenly burst out. “It’s even harder to know I turned out into a single parent. It became harder and harder when my Mother despised me and she left me on my own to take care of Savannah...” Mom sobbed and pushed Daddy away. I only watched them there in my spot. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t side with anybody.

Daddy painfully groaned; he knew he was the big bad wolf here. He couldn’t say the right thing to make up for his mistakes.

“Heather, I was really confused, I... didn’t know what to do. I was a stupid child. If I could turn back the time, I swear I wouldn’t do that... I love you both...”

“If you really loved us, you wouldn’t have waited fifteen years to find us,” Mom spat bitterly.

Daddy sighed, “Heather, you both went nomadic. Do you think it’s easy to track you guys down? Not in my homeless state”

Homeless? He was homeless?

“When I left you, I didn’t come back to my old house. I lived on my own with my money. I dropped out of the college and tried to find a job. You have no idea what I did for a living back then, but I only lived by myself. Then, I tried to check back on you, but you moved out. Nobody knew where you moved to, so I decided to work for a while to collect enough money to find you. One time I found you lived somewhere in Illinois, I tried to get you but you moved out again. I don’t know, but it’s really hard to find you. Then, I gave up the search for you for a while and decided to make a living, a proper living. I needed to make some money for myself then I planned to find you later on... and then, here I am now...” Daddy explained to Mom. Mom looked astonished for a moment when she heard Dad, but there’s something on her eyes, she didn’t trust him.

“You’ve been searching for us?” I asked. Daddy turned his head to me and nodded lightly.

“I gave up for a long long time since there’s no financial backup for my daily life, I was literally broke... then I started again...”

Mom shook her head, “Please Jake, no more lies. I don’t want to be hurt anymore by your cheap lies...”

Daddy sighed again, this time deeper. “I know you won’t buy this as the truth. But I said the truth anyway. I can’t force you to believe me...”

“Then how did you find me this time?”

“I saw you at the Walmart last week. I followed you and literally stalked you since then. I know where you live, you work at that life insurance company and I even know who your boyfriend is – Mikail Petowski...” Daddy faced down when he mentioned Mike. He looked brokenhearted but he bore with himself. “I even watched Savannah at the school. I know who Nat McGregor is, how decent he is to be her boyfriend... and stuff...”

Oh my God... This is ridiculous. Daddy even knew about Nat. He probably had a skill to be a real stalker.

“You’re stalking us this whole time??? But you never showed up!” Mom cried.

“I know. I needed the right time to meet you. I can’t just show up myself when you’re in the middle of... of... fornicating with that Mikail… I just...”

Speak of the Devil, the Devil shall appear... Mike popped out from the living room. He just entered the house to find this chaos.

“Heather? Who is this? And how did he know me?” Mike spoke with confusion drawn on his face.



I knew Mom was still beyond angry with Daddy, but I also knew she missed him. I knew Daddy made a huge mistake and he was being an irresponsible parent but I also knew he still loved Mom and me, it clearly showed by the honesty in his words. I knew I hated Mike because I didn’t want another father in my life, but I couldn’t lie and say that Mike actually wasn’t a decent guy for Mom – so far he’s the nicest of all Mom’s boyfriends, he’s the one who really took care of her and I secretly liked his fatherly side over me.

There’s something about Daddy. As Mike showed up, the three adults got into arguments, yelling, and there was even a rough scene between Daddy and Mike. I decided to go upstairs but Daddy stopped me and said he needed me. He needed me to hear him.

He mentioned about how lonely he was in his new house near the Lake Erie. How bored he was and stuff. So... Daddy wanted me to move in with him. This made my Mom go haywire, she began to curse him and push him away. But Daddy told his reason, he said he was about to ask Mom, but he knew about Mike. Although Daddy still loved Mom, he wanted to make her happy and being with Mike made her happy.

Mom was silent, but she didn’t like the idea Daddy ‘stealing’ me away from her. Being abandoned was already painful and to find the only precious thing she had, which was me, was stolen away would crush her heart even more. But Daddy practically won over my heart since he slipped something about he wouldn’t be long to live.

The four of us where quiet when Daddy mentioned that. Mom insisted that he tell the truth but Daddy didn’t say anything. With that, he left the choice to me; he gave me a couple days to decide. And then Daddy left the house in his Rolls Royce.

I looked at Mom and found she was as startled as me. Didn’t it mean he’s dying? And the major purpose he wanted me to move in with him because he wanted to spend his ticking time on earth before his number’s up.

I loved my Mom, I wouldn’t leave her. But to find Daddy’s here and actually asked me to live with him was... tempting. And, he’s fucking dying, for crying out loud! Only God knows what he suffered from.

I missed Daddy really much, I wanted to be with him, I wanted to spend quality time with him in Dad-Daughter day out but on the other side I couldn’t just leave Mom. I was the only thing she had. I couldn’t betray her. I loved Mom very much.

For some odd reason, I wished I could mend up Mom and Daddy’s relationship back. Would it be nicer if we came together into a real family?

“Damn, you’re not listening to me again!” Nat’s voice suddenly broke through my thoughts. I gasped and turned to him, seeing confusion etched on his pale face.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Nat shook his head and groaned while he massaged his bridge of nose. He sighed, cleared his throat before facing me again.

“What happened to you?” he asked softly.

I chuckled nervously, “What do you mean, what happened to me? I’m fine”

“You’re not. I can tell. You’ve been spacing out for ten minutes and you skipped all of my rant about Lynn. What’s wrong with you, River?”

I gulped. Here we go again, he called me River again. I hoped it wouldn’t be a habit.

“I’m really okay. I’m just thinking of stuff. What did you say again?” I tried to change the subject and pulled his sleeve as I saw Lynn jumped down from the human pyramid. Yeah, right.

Nat and I were on the field where we could watch the football team and the cheerleaders practicing for their big day tomorrow. Nat insisted that I keep him a company while he’s lurking on Lynn.

“What stuff?” he ignored the sight of Lynn and kept his eyes on me. “You’re not yourself today. Seriously, tell me what happened,” his voice was full of concern which made me melt. I clenched my teeth as I got up from my seat.

“It’s nothing...” I nervously said. “Umm Nat, I’m sorry, I think I should go now...” I grabbed my bag and slung it on my shoulder. I stepped on the row seats before Nat halted me by his hand.

“You know? You suck at lying. I better get you home,” he joined me as I blushed. Nat didn’t question anything but entangled his hand with mine instead before we exited the field. Then there was a sight that made Nat stop for a moment. I turned my head to where Lynn ran toward Evan Sinclair—her so-called boyfriend and then she jumped on him, giving him a passionate kiss when she snaked his waist with her legs. I could see Nat’s jaw was on the floor, but he quickly shook his head and led me out from the field.

With my hand on him, I took a brief glance at him. He was silent. He didn’t look good and utterly sad with those dimmed eyes. I squeezed his hand making him to look down to me.

“You’ll get better, you know how Lynn is. They won’t last long. Trust me” I smiled weakly to him. Nat crooked a smile before his hand found its around my waist leaning on my side.

“Yeah...” Nat sounded hesitated. “But you know? I’m the one who supposed to cheer you up since you look all upset”

I chuckled at him and offered a smile. He cared about me, was all I could sum up.

“Savannah...” a voice startled me and Nat. We were near the parking lot as we were heading to Nat’s Ducati. Nat quickly let me go and went geeky when Daddy showed up.

“Dad? What are you doing here?” I was stunned to see him there. Nat who had no idea who it was at first suddenly tensed. He backed away an inch and stared at us awkwardly.

“I want to show you the house...” he said quietly. “I want you to see your future house,” he added with a weak smile. I swallowed hard and put the hair strands of my fringe behind my ears.

“Daddy, I’m not ready. I need to talk it through with Mom”

“I know, baby... I just want you to come over for a couple hours. And...” he glanced to Nat who stood there awkwardly, “You can bring Nat too...”

I heard Nat choke. He probably was shocked that Daddy knew his name.

“Uh… I’m sorry. I was about to… to introduce myself to you, Mr….” Nat sounded hesitant.

“Jake Davis, just call me Jake,” Daddy smiled approvingly at him. “You can come with my daughter to see the house,”

“Uhh… I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m really sorry, I have some assignment for my Social Studies. It would be awesome to join you but I’m really sorry, I must pass the offer... besides it would be better if you have some quality time with your... uh daughter, Sir” Nat said politely and left me with Daddy as he excused himself.



I just argued with my Mom.

We were yelling and screaming at each other about my decision to move in with Daddy. She didn’t let me do what I wanted to do because she thought I wasn’t an adult. Yes, maybe I had yet to be legal, but this is my life!

I went to see Daddy’s enormous house near the lake. It was such a huge Victorian style house. It was probably as big as my school. I didn’t believe that Dad was rich. But he’s actually rich! He’s got a dozen of expensive antique cars that probably cost thousands of dollars or more. No wonders he wanted me to move in with him. He lived there with no one, only some maids, a butler, guards and some servants who kept him company in that giant house. I couldn’t let him die alone, I wanted to be on his side, I wanted to spend my time with him.

Then, Mom was too stubborn to admit that she still loved Daddy and heck, she shut herself down from him. Daddy wasn’t the horrible guy that Mom once knew. He changed and he’s about to leave this world because of some unknown disease that I hadn’t found out yet.

My argument with Mom ended when I called her a hypocrite slut which led her to slap me really hard. I was angry, furious and shocked to find Mom just slapped me. She never did this before, not in my life.

I was on the verge of tears when I ran to my room. I really hated her.

I shoved myself on the pillow and kept a pillow in my embrace tightly as I held my tears. I had no fucking idea why recently my life turned upside down like this. And why Mom needed to be this goddamn stubborn!? If she didn’t want me to leave all she needed was to move in with Daddy too, then we’d start a good life.

The moment I tore my eyes out heavily til it damped my pillow, my cell phone trilled on my side. I wiped my tears away and checked it to find Nat was calling at the moment.

I decided to ignore his call and pulled up my blanket to cover myself. I heard the pounding on my door. It was my Mom asking me to open the door because the discussion wasn’t over yet. I screamed at the door and told my Mom to fuck off. With that she left my door and walked away but the annoying thing on my side still trembled.

I groaned and checked that Nat was still calling.

“What the fuck, Nat?!” I was half screaming at him for unknown reason.

“Turn around,” he said through the line.

“Nat, I’m not in the mood—“

“Just turn around, River...” he said softly. What the fuck did he want? To turn around? Was it some joke? I did it anyway.

I spotted Nat was leaning on my window. He was on the phone. He looked sad and when he stared at my messy face he motioned me to open the window for him.

I didn’t get his wants. What the fuck was he doing on my window? How did he even climb to my room?

I groaned and walked up to my window, unlocked it and let Nat in.

He slowly climbed down from the window and stood in front of me with a concerned face.

“What the fuck do you want?” I asked in hoarse voice. Instead of cursing back to me, he just engulfed me in a hug. I was taken aback for a moment. I tried to digest the sweet side of Nat by hugging me like that but I slowly let go.

“I don’t want your fucking sympathy” I spat.

“I know, but I know deep inside you need it,” he replied. “I was worried about you since you became really weird since the morning. I knew there’s something wrong and I guess I was right...” he paused. “Was that guy really your Dad? I thought he... oh wait is this some sick joke?”

My lips were trembling. I knew exactly that I needed someone to talk to at the moment. I needed a shoulder to cry on and the answer was right in front of my face. Instead of battling with my willing to shove him away from my room, I hugged him. Tightly.

All I could smell was his cologne. My cheek was pressed on his broad chest as he put his arms around me. He rubbed my back and knew the right things to do to soothe me.

“He came back... but I don’t hate him,” it came out muffled by the jacket he wore. Nat stroked my head delicately and hushed me.

“How did this happen?”

I didn’t reply, instead pulling away from him. I needed someone to talk to but I didn’t really want to talk about it. I jumped on my bed and hugged my knees together.

“Savannah...” Nat tried as he came to my bed. I only shook my head to him, refusing to open up.

Nat sat on the bed with me while he examined my wrecked feature. I wasn’t the type of person who easily opens up to people. Well, what could I say? Nat used to hate me, we were like cats and dogs, then we started a friendship – a really weird friendship that made me help him get Lynn, and oh God, we even slept together! Why did I need to tell him everything? He’s not really my friend, not even the close one.

But he cares about you. If he doesn’t, he won’t risk his broken arms to climb up your window just to see if you’re alright.

Oh fuck.

Besides, you slowly let him in. He’s a good guy and probably sooner or later you’ll come to like him.

Fuck. Now my conscious even tried to talk with me.

Did bipolar spread? If yes, Nat’s bipolar just infected me. Geez, I was talking with myself in my mind.

“Hey,” he tried again while he leaned on my side. He picked some of the strands on my hair and put it behind my ear. “You can tell me everything... I promise I won’t tell anybody,”

I looked at him with my unsure stare as he looked genuinely at me.

I sighed longingly before I told him everything.

“He wants us back. He’s been searching for us this whole time and it’s not easy since me and Mom went nomadic. But we stopped since I hit middle school; Mom met Mike and went steady. Then, a couple days ago, Dad found Mom at the Wal-Mart, he stalked us and then yesterday he showed up. Mom was really furious with him and became more furious when Daddy wanted me to move in with him. Mom said he had no rights to take care of me because he’s been absent for over a decade. Daddy tried to get Mom to move in together and mend our life back but Mom has Mike now so she refused. Even though I know that Mom hates Daddy, she also still loves him. I can see it. So then, Daddy insisted that I move in with him and he told us the reason why he really needed me to go with him...” I stopped there because suddenly I sobbed. “Dad is dying, Nat. But he doesn’t want to tell me what it is. He really wants me to move in with him so he can spend his remained life with me...” I ranted out

Nat didn’t respond but he only looked at me with his stunned face.

“That’s uh... you mean he’s going to die?” was all he could say.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do? I can’t just let my Dad die alone, I need to be by his side. But I can’t leave my Mom, I’m her life, even I hate her at the moment, but she’s the one who took care of me since Daddy left. I can’t just leave her... I... I love her. But I don’t want to let Daddy go...” Some of my tears trailed down from my cheeks. Nat grabbed me and pulled me into hug, he told me to calm down and stop crying but it only to made me cry harder because his tender side triggered my tears.

“Hmm…” he hummed while he put his cheek on my head. “I know this isn’t the best idea, but why don’t you stay with him for a couple night and another night you can come back home, then another night you come back to his place... Just trying to keep up with both parents...” Nat suggested as his rough hand rubbed my forearm to comfort me.

“Do you think it will work?” I asked between my sobs.

“Yes. They both need you. If they can’t keep up with it, they’ll find another way to solve this. Let’s just wish they will come back together so you don’t need to see them separately”

“That’s what I’m thinking. I want Mom to admit that she still loves Dad and they get back together. I want to have a real happy family.... like yours...” I confessed. Yes, the McGregor family was really warm and friendly, it seemed like they never got into any family problems.

Nat only chuckled and patted my head. “Everything happens with a purpose, Savannah...” he showed his breathtaking smile as I held back my willingness to kiss him there.

“Thanks... thanks for listening to me, Nat...” I decided to only smile back to him and looked away. “Thanks for the advice too...” I added. He only nodded and hummed as the reply. We lay there in silence, not doing anything. Nat only stroked my head and I enjoyed it there.

“Why do you care so much about me? And why did you climb my window? It’s not like my house doesn’t have a front door...” I asked while I was playing with his rough palm.

Nat chuckled lightly, “I know you wouldn’t let me see you if I used the front door, your Mom probably would tell me to go home because you locked yourself up... and... yes I do care about you, what’s wrong with it anyway?”

“Why do you care?” I asked again still not satisfied with his answer.

Now I was staring to him. Our faces were inches apart and I could see he arched his eyebrows.

“Well...” he began as he bit down his lip. “I think I’m quite attached with you. No, don’t take this the wrong way, but for some odd reasons; I want to be by your side, listening to your stories... because well, you’ve helped me enough with Lynn so... yeah. Honestly, I really enjoy your company, and I don’t like to see you upset...I like you, Savannah...” he blurted out. Instead of answering with simple ‘cuz we’re friends’ shit, I heard a lot. I never thought he would say that way... like I said Nat was really full of surprises. Then, to hear that he liked me, it made my heartbeat accelerate. I really hoped he didn’t hear it since we’re so close like this.

“Uhh... I mean I like you as friends, of course...” he added with warm smile. I had told myself that I really like his smile; I could see a tiny dimple there. I was too preoccupied with his breathtaking smile until I realized I just pressed my lips on his.

It was a simple yet adorable kiss. Nat didn’t pull away but he kissed me back instead. He kissed me delicately as he wrapped his arms around me. He didn’t let the session to go further to something that probably we’d regret in the morning, so he just kissed me there, giving a light squeeze on my waist before he pulled away and kissed my temple to end it.

“You should go to sleep...” he whispered through my hair.

I blushed and only nodded to him. I spun around from his body and put my palms together beneath my head. I was expecting he would slip away from my bed and go back home but he just stayed there with his arms around me. I could feel his steady heartbeat from my back because his chest pressed against me. But boy, little did he know how frantic my heartbeat was when we just stopped the kiss. I formed a smile on my lips and decided to drift off to dreamland.