No Strings Attached, Please?

Silence treatment wasn’t actually a great step towards solving my problem. I knew really well to avoid Nat wasn’t the best idea and not talking to him was even worse. I kept a distance from him while he tried his best to talk to me. He knew I avoided him but he didn’t know the reason why I did so. He became frustrated more when I decided not to have lunch in the canteen because it was the only place we could meet.

Even in History and Biology classes, where I would usually meet him, I tended to choose the furthest seat from him. And when the bell rang, I would usually make a quick exit in case Nat tried to catch up with me. He would never make it out and I could easily run away from him.

The silence between us grew more intense, Nat was more frustrated and he chose to give up on the third week. Yes, we didn’t talk for past weeks because I always avoided him. Carlton numerously asked what happened between me and Nat, but I simply told him that it was none of his business as I’d like to keep it to myself. Nat didn’t bother bugging me again and he continued his life with his so-called girlfriend.

“Hey Sweet Cheeks,” Cam called startling me when his arms wound around me. I was loading my books in my locker and then he came out of nowhere to tickle my neck with his soft lips.

“Cam,” I flashed a brief smile at him while I continued to grab some of the books from my messenger back. Cam’s hands were on my waist and his chest was pressed on my back, not leaving any space between us. “What are you doing?” I chuckled. “People will start to say you’re humping me, y’know”

Cam only grinned, “Let their wild imagination be. I only miss my girlfriend,” he said happily, as he suddenly gave me a tight hug from back.

Girlfriend. I didn’t even know when he made it official between us. He never asked me to be his girlfriend or even asked me out.

“So what’s your next class?” He asked when he helped me with my heavy books. “Geez, you read all of this shit?” he pointed my Calc and Advanced Algebra books and I only shrugged my shoulders.

I crooked a smile and snatched the book away from him, “Maybe I have a ‘reputation’, but I’m not dumb” I stuck out my tongue at him.

“Well, having a smart girlfriend is hot, I guess” he replied and then leaned on the locker beside mine.

“Why thank you,”

“Y’know babe, I think it’s a best idea if you come over to my house after school. My parents are out for anniversary dinner and they won’t be home until tomorrow. So we could have my house for ourselves, how about that?” he wiggled his eyebrows in suggestive fashion.

“Maybe that’s a good idea. But I don—“

“Great! I’ll see you after school, ‘kay?” he kissed me on the lips for a moment before pulling away to make a loud smooch sound. Cam then ran away from me and joined his varsity team that was heading to their next class.

I sighed and continued to sort my books in my locker. I heard the bell rang and quickly tossed my Physics book in my massager bag for my next class. Students were scattering around to find their class when a figure abruptly stood next to me, then a hand drew my forearm and pulled me away.

“We NEED to talk,” when I turned over, I found a pair familiar big brown eye that could make me get lost in them. The warm hands that grasped me began to loosen up when I didn’t fight him. His eyes looked warm but he looked hopeless when our eyes locked for a long moment.

Nat was staring at me seriously. I was about to object but he dragged me down to the hallway then I began to yelp.

“Nat! I have class!”

“We’re in the same class, and I don’t fucking care” he hissed.

“I swear I’ll let the hallway monitor know what you’re doing to me! You’re making me skip class!” I yelled at him as we swam through the hurried students. While the students were busy getting to their class, we both made our way out of school.

Nat didn’t bother to yell back at me as he kept his pace toward the spot near the parking lot. He let go my hand when we’re in the middle of silence and no one was around.

“What are you doing?” I cried in frustration.

“I’m sick of you avoiding me all the time. What the fuck is happening, Sav?” he sounded pissed. Yes, I’d been avoiding him ever since he wanted to punch Cam for harassing me. I didn’t want to be involved with him and his phony caring side anymore. Besides it being fake, it also hurt.

I knew really well that Nat only played along to care about me, but I didn’t know the major reason why he did that though. Nat was the one who pushed me away and told me to stay away from his business then he began to intrude my personal space with Cam. What the hell is wrong with him?

I almost forgot that he’s a bipolar. I never knew what he really wanted from me.

“I’m not avoiding you, geez” I lied as I wiped his hand away from my arm. “Did you forget that you wanted me to stay the fuck away from you and Lynn?”

Nat was taken aback as he heard me.

“I didn’t... well, yes I did, but... but…” he stuttered and paused for a moment “If you weren’t avoiding me, then why the fuck weren’t you home? I came to your house three days ago and your house is dead. Then I came back again yesterday, and it’s still dead. Where the hell are you? I tried to phone you but you never pick up” he half screamed in frustration.

“I live at my Dad’s at the moment and I have no reason to pick up when you call. You’re the one who pushed me away, Nat. What the hell were you doing at my house anyway?“

“River, seriously, stop blaming me for pushing you awa—“

“But you did!” I spat back.

Nat raked his hands through his hair and then began to on yank it. He groaned in annoyance when he wasn’t please to find I was fighting against him.

“ALRIGHT! Alright I did! I was being an idiot, ‘kay? Stop bringing it up. We need to clear this out”

“I don’t know if something is wrong here, I mean, well… you have your girl, I have Cam and we can…”

“That!” he abruptly cut me off, “What the hell, Sav? What are you doing with Cam? He’s a brainless dick and you even don’t like him. Why would you date him? And why the fuck were you glad when he kissed you? As if you were his fucking girlfriend???” he emphasized the girlfriend part. It sounded more like he just found out that his girlfriend cheated on him. His eyes looked hurt and disappointed when he mentioned about me and Cam. I tried to read his mind but I couldn’t. He seriously hated the fact I dated Cam.

“Anything concerning me and Cam isn’t any of your business, Nat” I folded my hands over my chest and averted my gaze.

“So you sleep with him?” he asked softly which made me face him again. He looked somehow hurt (or maybe it’s just my illusion) and he clenched his jaw tightly, I could see the jaw bones formed there on his temple.

“We… I said it’s none of—“

“Just fucking tell me that you aren’t fucking him” he pressed as he moved closer to where I stood. I backed away from him until my feet found the root of the maple tree planted around there.

Nat’s eyes were soft when he demanded an answer. He looked hopeless and sad. I didn’t know what made him like that but the butterflies inside my stomach kicked in, fluttering wildly when we were staring at each other. To know that I liked Nat a bit was unbearable. I was over this love stuff; I didn’t want to feel it anymore, especially not with Nat. That’s why I always spent my time with Cam, hoping that Cam would make me forget about my stupid feeling for Nat, just like Daddy said.

But I guess it was useless. All the time I was stuck watching his warm eyes and angel-like face sent some imaginary tremors and I couldn’t hold myself any longer from kissing him. Hell, his fucking lips were inviting and I missed kissing him. I was the one who taught him to be a good kisser, and I never knew that he could master it.

“River, please tell me you aren’t fucking that asswipe” his voice sounded like he was begging and he made a frowned face.

“It’s not weird to see couples fuck, is it? Like you’re doing with Lynn” Honestly, I wasn’t proud of my stupid crack.

Nat’s face grew red and I could see he was clenching his fists there until they trembled. He looked pissed, or let’s say beyond angry. He was ready to burst out on me but it didn’t come out.

He tried to calm himself by rubbing the bridge of his nose as he let out a defeated long sigh.

“Anyone but him, Savannah. You can date anyone but him. He’s a horny fuck; he only takes advantage of you. He only wants your body, he only uses you! And fuck, you told him about your dad? I was always there when you needed me; I was always there to listen to your troubled thoughts. And now, I know nothing about your dad, you’re supposed to confide in me instead in that mindless donkey! I can’t believe you told him your dark secret. Do you think he cares about you? NO, he only plays along to care about you so he could have free sex from you in return. Can’t you see it????”

I snorted, “You’re funny Nat. You’re telling me that Cam only uses me for a free fuck? Then what should I call you? You took advantage of me; you wanted to train yourself in bed with me so you could show Lynn how amazing you are. That doesn’t make you any better, Nat” I spat back to find Nat’s astonished look. He totally didn’t see it’s coming so he was only being mute.

“Look, we can make it cool. Just forget everything. Forget everything that happened between us. I only helped you through it; don’t make it more complicated with your insecurities toward Cam. For a friend, you’re too worried about me and my sexual life. Let’s just forget about it, ‘kay? We don’t need to take it further; I mean we’re supposed to be cool here. I won’t avoid you anymore and you can date Lynn in freedom, and also we can stay friends like usual” I trailed off. I think half of it was lie. I couldn’t even forget any slight of it and I was still dealing with the fact that I was a bit jealous that Lynn could have her hands all over Nat.

Nat looked lost of words; he didn’t say anything or make a comment on it. I guess he thought that I was right.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you around? I need to get back to the class…”My breath hitched in my throat. I couldn’t find the proper way to breathe as I felt Nat press himself against me until my back hit the tree. He cupped my cheeks and began to swallow my lips gently while his other hand found its way to sneak arounf my waist.

I couldn’t help it, I shouldn’t be doing this. I was giving in to him. But I couldn’t let go of his firm grasp and it did make me close my eyes. To feel his body warmth, to feel his wet lips only made me let it go yieldingly so I started kissing him back.

“I never see you just as a friend, River…” he said softly but it was quickly replaced by a moan when he pressed his lips back on mine. We had this tongue locking competition as we were battling for dominance. I know that it was so wrong to kiss him that way, especially at school. What if someone caught us up and began spreading the factual rumors? What if Lynn knew and began to torture me again?

I fucking made out with Lynn’s boyfriend, for crying out loud!

Nat’s panting breath tickled my face when our lips still locked, I could feel his hands began to trail to my skin beneath my t-shirt. His soft moans drove me off the cliff, and his general area down there began to pop out as I felt it on my legs. Honestly, in our situation there, I was pretty much turned on.

When he pulled away, he watched my eyes and couldn’t help but say “I miss you so much. I fucking miss you like hell, River…” he confessed and then planted noisy kisses on the crook of my neck. There’s no way I could hide my semi-loud moan when Nat began to nip at my neck and leave some bite marks there.

Was he out of his mind? He’s fucking dating someone he stalked for years and he’s here to have a steamy make out session with me?

I might be crazy, but I enjoyed every part of him. I tried my hardest to think clearly between his overwhelming feelings when he kissed me. I shut my eyes close and started to collect my sanity. I squeezed Nat’s shoulder and then abruptly pushed him away from me.

“Nathaniel!” I breathlessly said. Nat looked clueless and confused at my sudden burst.

“We can’t keep doing this. You have a girlfriend, and you love her. I don’t want to be your sidekick anymore, Nat. Just please, stop it…” my voice trembled. My body began to shake involuntary from the amazing feeling that Nat gave me. “I should be going…” I tugged and straightened my t-shirt before walking away from him with tears in my eyes.

I was in verge of tears because I was lying to myself. And to lie about how amazing I felt with Nat was causing hurt as well because I knew he didn’t belong to me.

I heard the sound of someone walking on grass near me and then found Nat blocking my way.

“I’m sorry, River. I’m sorry. I don’t and never have considered you as a sidekick. I’m just… just... confused. I don’t know what happened to me. I’ve been thinking about you lately, I was frustrated that you avoided me and even didn’t look at me. I seriously never saw you that low, River. I swear to God…” he looked at me solemnly. “I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I got carried away with the kiss. I just couldn’t help it. I wish I could make it up to you…” he blabbered nervously and tried to assure me that he’s just………..confused.

Confused? You’re shitting me. So why did he kiss me that way? I was the one who was supposed to toy with boys’ heart, not him toying with mine.

“Nat…” I sighed, “We can just forget it, okay? I…” I faced down and hoped that my tears wouldn’t come out. I knew it’s hard to hold up the tears but I did it anyway.

“Okay, let’s just forget it… I’m sorry…” he replied briefly with a hurt tone.

I didn’t let my face meet his because now my sight was blurry from the tears. I had no idea why I wanted to cry out but truthfully, somehow it hurt.

“Yeah…” I stuttered “Uhh... So we’re cool now. I’ll see you soon,’ kay?” I hurried my pace and quickly wiped my eyes from tears when Nat wasn’t able to see.

“Savannah” he called again when I was ten feet away. I wiped my face off and slowly turned around.

“I’m sorry I made you skip class…”

“Yeah it’s okay” I briefly smiled as I was about to walk again but he stopped me again.

“Sav… do you think it’s a good idea for us to study together for the approaching final exams? I mean, I know you have physics as your weakness, so I’ll teach you. And also, I’m not really good at Spanish and Analytical Chemistry when you’re pretty good at it. How about a study date together?” He was fifteen feet away from me and I was sure he didn’t notice the remaining tears on my face.

“Of course,” I weakly said.

“Sure, I’ll ring you later, ‘kay?”

I only nodded and then escaped from him back to school again.

The feel of his lips still lingered on mine; I only touched my lips and formed a smile. I had to get away from this sick feeling sooner or later or I was only gonna fall harder for him. There was no way that I could like Nat that deep. I should let it go soon.

The only thing on my mind at the moment was to fuck Cam. To fuck Cam was the best way to forget Nat. Right. I needed to find Cam or my brain would go haywire because Nat’s imaginary lips practically still tingled on my lips.