Give up Forever to Touch You

It was still dark when Andie woke. As she opened her eyes she wasn’t sure what had disturbed her slumber, but as she lifted her head off the pillow to take a look at the clock it became apparent that it may have something to do with there being an empty space where her husband should have been. Rubbing her eyes, she listened carefully, trying to hear him moving about either in the bathroom or downstairs somewhere.

Hearing nothing she pushed the sheets from her and rose from the bed, switching on the bedside lamp to give her light to get to the bedroom door. Once on the landing she was able to make her way slowly down the stairs with the help from the soft light that came from the living room.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked quietly, walking around the sofa to where Brian was sat in silence.

“Too much shit going on in my head.” He answered with a slow shake of his head.

“Wanna talk about it?” she asked sitting down next to him.

“We could be here some time.” He said with a half hearted smile.

“In that case I’m gonna need a cuppa, come on, kitchen.” she replied standing back up and offering her hand to him. He took it and stood up following her through to the kitchen and taking a seat at the breakfast bar while Andie filled the kettle. “Come on then Haner, what’s going on in that warped mind of yours?”

He smiled again, this time the smile reaching his tired eyes. “You have such a lovely way with words. Ella had another bad dream.”

“That’s three nights in a row know, but I didn’t hear her.” she replied.

“You must have been exhausted after being up with her the past couple of nights, you were snoring softly within minutes of your head hitting the pillow I think. It was the same nightmare again, where she’s having a seizure…”

“And Michelle runs away from her?” she added quietly.

Brian nodded “I don’t know what to do to make them stop and I’m scared that it may get worse after the court hearing. Michelle’s facing at least five years in prison for this, maybe more and I really don’t think I could face taking the kids to see her there.”

“No, it’s not really the place to take the kids, it would probably lead to more nightmares, for the both of them.”

“Exactly. And that got me thinking about something else too. it’s going to be bad enough them being separated from their mother for the next few years I can’t let them be separated from me as well.” Brian said as Andie placed a mug of tea in front of him.

“But they’re not going to be separated from you, if anything they’re gonna see more of you now they’re living here with us. And they’ve got me too.” she said.

“I know that, but what about when the band goes on tour? We’ve got a list of festivals starting in less than two months, we’re going to be away for weeks. That’s not going to be fair on the kids, or you for that matter.” He explained.

“We’ll be fine Bri, it’s not the first time you’ll be away with the band. We’ve all coped before and you know all the girls pull together…” she began watching as Brian shook his head.

“No, I can’t do that to them, to you. I need to start being a proper father, to be there for my children; to be a proper husband to you.”

“Brian, you are a fantastic husband and a wonderful father. I don’t understand where this is coming from or where you’re going with it.” she replied confused.

“I want to quit the band. No more tours. No more being away from home for weeks and months on end.” He stated, bringing his eyes up to meet Andie’s shocked stare.

“I don’t know what to say.” She whispered quietly.

“Just say you’ll support me with this.” he replied.

Slipping off her stool Andie moved so she was right next to him, maintaining eye contact as she took his face between her hands. “Of course I’ll support you. If this is really what you want to do I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”

“Thank you.” he whispered leaning down to kiss her briefly. “You’ll be by my side when I talk to the guys’ later right?”

“What did I just say? Every step of the way.” She said with a smile. “Although it’s not going to be
the most fun of conversations to have.”

“No, but hopefully they’ll understand.” Brian said optimistically.

~@~

“This is the right decision.”

The words kept repeating in Brian’s mind as he waited for the other guys to come over to the house so he could tell them that he was quitting the band. After having breakfast he had sent out a group text message to the guys asking them to come over as he had something important to tell them. Now, he was sat in his back yard waiting, going over the conversation he had planned in his mind.

The sound of familiar chattering brought his head up, his stomach turning in knots as he saw Matt and Zack walking through the door with a beer in their hands.

“S’up Gates?” Zack greeted walking over towards him.

“Dude, you look like shit. You okay?” Matt added sitting on the bench opposite Brian.

“It’s not been the best couple of days to be honest.” He muttered.

“Yeah, Val told me what happened with Michelle and Ella. I can’t believe it dude. She could have killed her.” Matt replied.

“I hate her right now, be happy if I never saw her again.” Brian said quietly.

“Don’t blame you dude, if anything happened to Alicia…” Zack replied.

“It just does bare thinking about does it?” Andie said as she joined them, passing a cold bottle of beer to Brian as she sat down next to him.

“How are the kids taking it?” Matt asked.

“Ella’s been having nightmares, the same one every night. And Connor…” Brian began.

“He’s quiet for the most part.” Andie continued. “We’ve tried to explain what’s happened as best we could and he’s told us he never wants to see Nick and his mom ever again.”

“Can’t really blame him.” Johnny said walking towards them.

“So what’s going on Gates?” Matt asked taking a sip of beer.

“I’ll tell you when Jimmy gets here, I want to talk to the four of you at the same time.” He replied gaining confused looks from the three guys.

“He better get here soon then, the suspense is killing me.” Zack joked.

“Dude, you know the Rev, we’ll be on our third beer before he shows up.” Johnny said, lightening the mood around him as the group chuckled.

“James! I’m fine, will you stop fussing!” Rhian’s voice drew their attention to the patio door where there was a mumbled reply from Jimmy as they stepped out of the house.

“I know babe, but I’m fine, really.” she replied, taking hold of his hand and leading him across the patio towards the others.

“Hey Hun how are you feeling?” Andie asked Rhian as she sat down next to her.

“I’m fine, so long as people aren’t fussing over me.” she replied with a smile.

“I only do it because I love you.” Jimmy mumbled.

“I know babe. I love you too.” she replied leaning up to kiss his cheek.

“Right, now that we’re all here, come on Gates, spill.” Matt said, a muttered agreement coming from the others as Brian cleared his throat to begin.

“Okay, I’ve been thinking a lot these past couple of days and I’ve reached a decision. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to be straight with you. I want to quit the band.”

“What the fuck?”

“Seriously?”

“No way dude.”

Johnny, Zack and Matt yelled simultaneously.

“I’ve thought about this long and hard guys, and it’s not a decision I’ve taken lightly. With everything that’s happened these past couple of day, with Michelle facing time in prison I’ve got to think about the kids, about my family. I can’t be disappearing off to do shows on the other side of the world and leave Andie here to look after the three of them on her own. I’m sorry guys, it’s nothing personal, you all know that.”

“I just can’t believe it dude.” Johnny said shaking his head.

“Exactly, was not expecting that.” Zack added. “Have you talked to Larry about this?”

“No, only Andie obviously. I wanted to talk to you four first.” Brian replied.

“You okay Jimmy?” Matt asked.

“Yeah dude are you okay? You’re being really quiet.” Brian added.
Jimmy raised his head, lifting his gaze from the floor and looking around at his best friends. He glanced at Rhian who nodded her head slightly as she took hold of his hand, squeezing it gently.

“Rhian and I have been talking too.” he began quietly. “About our future and stuff, wanting to start a family. For us it’s going to be hard enough trying to conceive as it is without me disappearing off to do shows when Rhi is ovulating and shit. And then when she is pregnant and we do finally have a baby I want to be there with her, being a father and being a husband.”

“You wanna quit too?” Brian asked and Jimmy nodded his head.

“We talked it over yesterday and we agreed, and like Brian said, it’s not been an easy decision to make. It’s a decision I thought I’d never have to make. I’m sorry guys.” He said quietly.

“Well…fuck.” Matt said taking his baseball hat off and rubbing a hand over his shaved head before replacing the hat.

“I can’t believe this is going to be the end.” Zack said. “The fans are going to be devastated.”

“It had to come to an end at some point though I guess.” Johnny said.

“Of course I can’t speak for Bri, but if you want to get a new drummer and carry on without me that’ll be fine. Weird but…yeah fine.” Jimmy said getting greeted by heads being shook is disagreement.

“No way dude, Avenged Sevenfold would be nothing without the two of you there beside us. Either the five of us carry on or none of us do.” Matt stated, Johnny and Zack nodding in agreement.

“You know we are going to do something big to signify the end. Go out with a fucking bang!” Johnny said.

“Hell yeah, we can’t just slip away quietly.” Zack agreed.

“Thanks for being so understanding guys. It means a lot to know you’re behind me on this.” Brian said.

“Behind us.” Jimmy added.

“Of course dude. What were you expecting? World War three?” Zack laughed.
Brian shook his head, a large smile on his face. He’d been worried about telling the guys but there had been for no reason. The guys were more than just band mate, always had been. They were brothers, a family. They would always be there for each other, no matter what. Band or no band.