You Can't Say You Love Me

“Ami! Hurry up and get ready!” I heard Dad call from downstairs. “And take a potion!”

“I’m almost ready, Dad!” I replied, “And I’ve already taken my potion!”

It was true. Instead of my medium length curly black hair and blue eyes, I had short, straight blonde hair and green eyes. My normal curly hair had had an adjustment, as well. When it had been short, just barely reaching my shoulders, I had the front dyed red, as if in loyalty to my house. It had tried to grow out over the year, and had most of the way, but I re-did it this summer and learned a charm to keep making it red when the roots decided to show. Also, at the very, very ends at the front, there was about a quarter inch that was the yellowish-gold. This time I really meant to show my Gryffindor pride.

It’s only right that I finally show a backbone. After all, Voldemort’s Death Eaters were basically in control at Hogwarts, and I couldn’t very well be docile in the face of that. It’s about time I show Hogwarts - hell, show everyone - that I’m worthy of being called a true Gryffindor. I’m not going to sulk around anymore, and I’m not going to let myself be controlled by evil, conniving bastards. Especially not evil, conniving bastards who happened to be Death Eaters.

I groaned when I stubbed my toe as I rushed to throw a few last-minute things into my trunk. I sucked it up and tossed my new robes in on top of everything else and tucked my wand in my pocket - Mad-Eye would yell at me for it were he still around. I heaved my trunk and set a quick pace down the stairs.

Yes, I’m seventeen, so I wasn’t stupid enough to drag my trunk all the way downstairs. I levitated it.

“You need to get out of our barrier and apparate quickly,” Dad said edgily. He didn’t like me going out lately. I know he was protective of his little girl, after what had happened to Mum, but I’m not as defenseless as I used to be. I wouldn’t just stand around talking to them, I would fight back. Thus, the reason for my wand being within easy reach.

“I know, Dad,” I finally said, tugging on a pair of Gryffindor Converse. Yes, Gryffindor Converse - they’re specially made by the wizarding branch of the company. I had plenty of Gryffindor paraphernalia tucked away in my trunk - even if it was decreed that Slytherin was now the only house at Hogwarts. I for one won’t lay down and let them take Hogwarts away.

“Ami, you don’t have to…” Dad tried, trailing off.

“Yes, I do. Dad, you know as well as I do that they’ll come banging on the door of the house we are supposed to be living in if I don’t show up. It all comes with the Ministry’s new management.” I said the last with a large dose of distaste. Dad flinched.

“I know,” Dad muttered. “but I can’t stand to see you go out into all of this. You’re my only daughter, Ami.”

“Dad, I’ll be careful.” I stepped out of the door and bounded down the porch steps, still levitating my trunk along ahead of me. “I’m not a little girl anymore. I can take care of myself.”

“Ami, you’ve always been so shy and timid and --”

“Dad,” I cut across him, and he stopped, “I can’t be like that anymore.”

“Ami, you don’t understand. I don’t know what they’ll try to do to you when they find out you saw them kill your mother - if they don’t already know --”

“Dad. I will be fine.” I said it firmly, with conviction, as I stood on the inside edge of the barrier. “After all, I am the daughter of yourself and Monica Carson.”

With that, I stepped outside of the ring of protection, let my trunk fall, grabbed it by the handle, and turned on the spot.

Apparation was the signal for the potion to wear off. I don’t see why Dad had me take the potion in the first place, if I’d just be seen for a split second outside of our boundaries, but I did as he asked. I was leaving him against his wishes, and we didn’t know if we’d ever see each other again, so I had to do at least that one thing for him.

Anyway, I digress. The result of the apparation is that, when I appeared in the wizarding part of King’s Cross - a.k.a. Platform 9 ¾ - I was the normal ol’ Ami Carson. Curly black hair that fell to the bottom of my shoulder blades, red bangs, and goldish tips. And I know I saw some people look at me with fear, for who would let their child so boldly show their dedication to a house other than the one Voldemort made all-powerful?

I’ll tell you who.

Neville Longbottom’s grandmother.

Neville and his grandma were standing right beside the column nearest me, and when I appeared, they both looked. Neville seemed kind of astonished, but his grandmother nodded in approval. “That’s the way to do it, dear,” she addressed me. “Show them you won’t go down so easy.”

“That’s just what I intend to do, Mrs. Longbottom,” I replied, and once again, Neville seemed shocked that I was being so outspoken. “I won’t lay down without a fight.”

“A-Ami,” Neville said, haltingly, “you’ve really changed.”

“Haven’t we all?” I knew my voice was kind of cold now. It had to be, to melt all the pain I felt away. “I can’t be the way I used to be, Neville. You know that. I’d be a sitting duck, just waiting for them to pick me off.”

“Yeah, but Ami, are you sure you’re ready to do that?” this was Neville’s timid side.

“I’m ready.” I said firmly. “I’m far past ready. I should’ve showed a backbone a long time ago. D’you know why?”

Neville shook his head, but his grandmother cut in, “It feels wonderful, doesn’t it? To show them that you won’t back down no matter how they try to oppress you.”

“It’s exhilarating,” I agreed, nodding to her. I held out my hand. “It was a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”

“And you too, Miss Carson.”

“You can just call me Ami, Mrs. Longbottom.”

She smiled as the whistle blew. “You two best be off now.”

“G’bye, Gran,” Neville hugged her, and she gave him a kiss on the cheek. I waved to her, and to my surprise, she pulled me into a hug as well.

“You two be careful. Don’t be reckless, but don’t back down.”

“I don’t plan on it,” I replied, and Neville and I ran to board the express as another whistle blew.

“Ami!” I heard, and turned to see Katie Bell, my cousin, rushing towards me. “I thought I’d miss you. I came to talk to you about something…”

“I guessed. Make it quick!” I said, glancing at my watch. I had two minutes.

“We - over the summer, when we were talking about guys, you hinted at one --”

“Yes, yes, I know, Katie,” I said hurriedly. “What about it?”

“Now is a dangerous time to be in love,” Katie hissed as yet another whistle blew, kind of peeved at how I‘d snapped at her, “not when you never know who you can trust.”

“I know I can’t trust him,” I looked at my cousin, willing her to understand without knowing who he was, “even though I have before. I know I shouldn’t love him, but I do. And Katie, I wish you knew how it felt to love a man you know can never tell you he loves you.”

I turned and climbed aboard the Express before Katie could keep going on. Neville was waiting for me in the corridor, and I heartily agreed with his suggestion that we go find a compartment together.

I have a feeling that sticking together is going to be important this year.