Have We Gone Too Far?

I walked in on Zander and he’d fallen fast asleep on his bed. He looked so cute! His lips were pouted and he had a little burrow in between his eyebrows. Zander was gorgeous and I really can’t believe that I wanted to hurt him. He’s so innocent and beautiful. I suppose I only did it because the only guy I’ve really liked was Cole and feeling anything towards someone else is kind of weird and I wanted it to stop. But now, I love this guy as a friend, I think, and I’d never betray Cole so we have nothing to worry about.

Where should I sleep? The floors full of rubbish and I doubt he’d like waking up to me. Then again, what choice do I have?

I didn’t have anything to change into seeing as I was wearing the clothes that Cole had lent me earlier so I just took off the hoodie and then slid into the bed beside Zan. Making sure I wasn't too close to him.

For a while I just stared up at the ceiling but I got bored after a while; it isn't exactly interesting. So instead I watched Zander as he slept. He was so sweet. After watching him for possibly an hour his eyes started to twitch so I turned away because I didn’t want to freak him out.

“Hey Zack,” he mumbled sleepily.

“Hey,” I cooed trying to resist the urge to move the strands of hair that were covering his hair out of the way. Man it was hard! “You alright?” I asked him.

He nodded slightly and sat up in the bed and stretched out his arms, causing the material on his shirt to rise a little and expose some of his stomach. Don't stare! It’s rude to stare! My eyes glanced down at him and smiled at the little bit of flesh that was on show, which disappeared when he dropped his arms down and wrapped them around his chest tightly.

“I'm fine,” he yawned. “Tired though,” he sighed.

“Same,” I giggled quietly. “I really don’t want tomorrow to come though. it’s going be a day in hell for me.”

Not only do I have to face the whole school but I’ve got to deal with Mr. Baker! How am I meant to do that? I don’t want to see that man again! What if he tries again?

Tears started building in my eyes but I managed to wipe them away and disguise them as sleep.

“I’m going to hate tomorrow too,” he whispered. “This one guy’s really got it in for me.”

“Well... maybe he likes you,” I joked. “Serious now though, what’s he been doing?”

Zander looked at me for a moment before answering and smiled. He couldn’t look anymore adorable, especially with his hair wildly sticking out in all directions like it is now.

“He just beat me up and stuff,” he mumbled.

“Is he the one who stuck your head down the toilet?” I asked him, remembering the state he was in before I arrived in the changing rooms yesterday.

“Yeah, it’s Kyle something, I think.”

“You saw Kyle yesterday?” I said surprised. We haven’t seen him in ages now. I hope he’s alright. Wait! He hurt Zan. I hate him now, don’t I?

Zander nodded at me wearily, trying to keep his eyes open. He was so cute when he was tired. Stop thinking like that!

“Yeah, he was hanging round with some guys and that girl that Liza and apparently most of your mates hate.”

“Miranda?” I asked.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” he yawned at me as he starting rubbing his eyes. “I saw her on the way home snogging his face off,” he chuckled.

Miranda and Kyle! What the hell? What has the world come to? I can’t believe he’d go for her. I mean, him and Ellie doesn’t seem that bad in comparison.

“I can’t believe him,” I sighed. “Jerk.”

Zander smiled at me and shook his head in amusement. Then he ran his hand through his hair and lay down properly again.

“I'm so hot,” he sighed uncomfortably.

Yes you are!

“Well change into something else then. You’ve still got jeans on for Pete’s sake,” I laughed quietly, not wanting to wake anyone else up.

“I can’t be bothered.”

“Well at least take your shirt off, you’ll boil if you don’t.”

He gave me an odd look and then I realized that I’d just told him to take off his shirt for me. How perverted do you think he took that?

“Fine,” he mumbled pulling his shirt over his head and then covering himself with the duvet.

“You’re adorable you know.”

Crap! I said that out loud. Crap, crap, crap!

“I'm sorry it just slipped out,” I explained to him.

“It’s alright,” he grinned looking a little red. “Do you want to try and sleep now?” he asked me.

“Sure,” I beamed even though I didn’t really want to sleep yet because it was obvious that he was desperate for some shut eye.

“Night,” we both said at the same time making us smile like little kids.

He fell asleep straight away and after a while I was able to drift of too. I had a really weird dream though. It was one of those dreams that you only remember little bits about but you know that more must’ve happened during them.

I remember Cole, Mr. Baker, my dad, Zander and I being there. I heard a gunshot and then I woke up. That’s all I can remember. Weird.

I felt someone’s arms wrapped around me and when I opened my eyes I saw Zander lying there, fast asleep cuddling around me, squeezing tightly and burying his face into my chest. I looked down and realized what this was doing to me. I was going hard. Crap! I cannot let him see that.

Gently I slid out of the bed without disturbing Zan’s sleep and headed into the bathroom to sort myself out. When I came back he was wide awake but he had tears streaming down his face.

“What’s wrong Zan?” I asked, rushing over to him. “Are you alright?”

“Bad dream,” he sniffed. “It doesn’t matter,” he cried.

Softly I wrapped my arms around him to comfort him. He was so warm (random observation).

“Do you want to tell me about it?” I asked tenderly.

“No,” he mumbled as he buried his face into my chest again trying to make himself more cozy and comfortable.

His skin against mine felt incredible. Just stay calm Zack. He was so small too, he looked a lot younger than me due to his size and I'm not particularly big myself really. I’ve only ever liked an older guy and it feels really odd having someone so small leaning against me like this. Topless! This felt so good.

“Zan?”

“Yeah?” he said lifting his face up to look at me.

So cute! His dark blue eyes locked with mine making me feel so weak.

“Are you alright now?” I asked him.

He nodded and then lay down on the bed again, pulling me down beside him.

“Don't mention the dream to Liza or anyone,” he whispered. “They’ll get worried and... just don’t tell them.”

“I won’t,” I told him. I didn’t actually plan on telling them anyway really. I didn’t think they’d need to find out about something like a dream. “Do you want some more rest?” I asked him hoping he’d say yes because I suddenly feel really exhausted.

He nodded at me and rested his head down against the pillow, closing his eyes ready for a few more hours sleep.

***

I didn’t wake up again until seven o’ clock so it wasn't really a bad night’s sleep. Just like last time I’d woke up, Zander was a lot closer to me now than when he was when we went to bed. I didn’t mind though, he felt nice next to me; the closer the better.

“Morning,” I whispered when I saw his eyes twitching open.

“Morning,” he yawned. “I'm so tired.”

Looking at him I could tell he was still really sleepy but I could also tell that he was going to get up anyway. After all we have school soon and their house is a bit further from school than mine so they take the bus.

I hate the idea of getting on the bus. Do I sit near the front to stay out of people’s way or do I go right to the back and let them know I'm staying? If I go with option two I'm likely to get hurt but if I go with option one, anyone who has problems with me will come and voice themselves; decisions, decisions.

This would be so much easier if I could just walk to school. And even easier still if I could stay off to avoid Mr. Baker and Kyle and anyone else who might put me in a position where my health is at risk.

When he went into the bathroom I remembered that I had nothing to change into. I don’t even have my uniform; what am I meant to do now? Crap! I can’t go in like this. Cole didn’t even give me any underwear for God’s sake! I’ll have to go home; if only I could.

The only option left id to borrow something, but the problem is Zan’s a lot smaller than me so it’ll be a tight squeeze fitting into anything of his. What should I do?

After a while Zander walked back in, dressed in a pair of tight black jeans and an Avenged Sevenfold band tee with his hair styled perfectly. He looked so cute. Why does he do this to me?

“You can borrow something if you want,” he offered.

“I doubt anything you own will fit me,” I laughed looking at how tight some of his clothed are on him. Imagine it on me! God that’d be weird!

“I’ve got some bigger stuff,” he grinned pulling out some black jogging bottoms and a white sleeveless shirt from one of the boxes on his floor. “Anything else?” he asked me.

“Underwear and socks,” I added a little shyly.

“Okay then,” he blushed as he got some for me.

“Thanks Zan,” I said gratefully.

He gave me a nod and then let me go into the bathroom to change privately. Thank God something of his fits me, even if it makes me look like a right scruff; it’s better than nothing. Sure teachers are going to be asking about uniform all day but there isn't really anything I can do about that now is there.

“You look great,” Zan smiled as I walked out.

“I look a mess,” I chuckled knowing that he was just saying that. I’m dressed like a complete chav, what’s wrong with me? “You’re lucky you can wear what you want,” I smiled.

“Not really,” he sighed. “If I didn’t dress like this I’d probably be treated a bit better,” he mumbled.

“What’d you mean?”

“No one likes the emo kid,” he sighed. “Most people use that as an insult.”

“I don’t mind you being emo; or gay,” I whispered. “As long as you don’t act all suicidal around me, I’ll be fine,” I smiled.

“Thanks,” he blushed. “And don’t worry’ I'm not like that.”

God I'm glad about that! I know he’s been through a lot but if he was always looking on the negative and trying to end his life I wouldn't be able to cope; even though I have once tried to do it myself. When I did it I wasn't thinking straight, not that that’s a good excuse but I did have my reasons.

“Do you want to go get breakfast?” he asked me softly.

I nodded and followed him downstairs to where Liza was pouring cereal into a bowl for herself.

“Morning guys!” she chirped.

“Morning Liza,” we said at the same time in the same tone of voice making us all laugh.

“Did you guys practice that?” she giggled.

“Obviously,” we both said again making us laugh even harder.

“Stop it!”

“No,” we laughed.

Once we’d calmed down we sat down in front of the TV eating our breakfast. Yummy yummy in my tummy. What the hell? Sometimes I even scare myself.

As the images blurred in front of my face I realized that for the first time in a while I was enjoying myself and I’ve never really hung out with these guys before. I’ve never even thought about getting close to these sorts of people; if you know what I mean? I usually just stick with the same people but now I know there are other people who are pretty great to hang out with.

I mean there are friends and then there are guys like these. Amazing people that can make you forget all of your troubles when you’re with them and just put a smile on your face even when you feel like it’s the end of the world. That’s proper friendship.