Heaven Help Us

Everything was dark. I felt stiff. I had a soaring headache, but I felt no pain in the rest of my body. My chest was tight and it was hard to breathe. My arms and legs were heavy. I tried to open my eyes. But I couldn’t. I tried to move my body, but it wad dead. All these thoughts started rushing through my head. “what happened? What was wrong with me now?”

Then it came to me. I remembered him taking me home. Hitting and kicking me. Raping me. Making me bleed. Then the knife. My wrist. Then him lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. Then Mikey.

Oh god. Mikey. Gerard. I panicked. My eyes shot open. The light blinded me. Tears ran down my face. My heart raced. I could hear a fast, loud beeping noise. I tried to breathe, but couldn’t because of a tube in my throat. I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I started to shake. I looked around. Gerard and Mikey were sitting beside me, but they were sleeping. The beeping kept getting louder and faster. I tried to move a bit more. I could only manage to shake my arm slightly, but it was enough to tap Gerard and wake him.

He bolted upright and just stared at me in disbelief for a second.

“scar.” he whispered.

He looked awful. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot. He had heavy black bags below them. He was as pale as a ghost. His lips were chapped and dry. It looked like he hadn’t slept for days. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He grabbed my had. I began to cry. I tried to speak but I couldn’t.

He stood up and hugged me cautiously. He muttered stuff to me but I couldn’t make out a word he was saying. He was in hysterics. He was shaking like mad.

“I thought you were gone. I need you scarlet. I love you. Please never leave me.” he sobbed.

By now I was crying uncontrollably. All I wanted to do was hold him tight. Kiss his soft, warm lips. I tried to speak, it was hurting so much.

“Gerard, I love you.” I croaked.

My voice had started to reveal itself again. Gerard hugged me tightly.

Then suddenly Mikey woke up. He was in shock. He stared at me in horror. Then he dropped to the floor. Gerard rushed over to his side and put his jacket under Mikey’s head. He came over to me and kissed my on the cheek before running off.

I just lay there. I felt so useless. I couldn’t even help Mikey. All I wanted to do was go over and hug him. He looked hurt. I loved him so much, he was like my brother, and sometimes he was even like a sister. I could talk to him about anything.

I started to cry, but then he started to gain consciousness. He slowly got up and started to cry when he saw me. He came and sat on the edge of my bed and held me.

“I thought you were gone scar.” he cried

“Mikey i’m sorry.” I croaked.

“no. scar its not your fault.” he cried while stroking my head. “Im just so glad your alive. I love you so much.” he sobbed, the tears rolling down his face.

He looked into my eyes. I could see the hurt. I felt scared and worried for him. He could have hurt himself because of me. What if he had tried to kill himself while I was here. It would have been my fault.

All these sudden thoughts in my head made me cry loudly. Mikey went quiet.

“scar, what’s wrong hunn?” he asked.

“Mikey can you promise me something?”

“yea. Of course, I’d do anything for you.”

“just promise me that no matter what ever happens to us that you’ll never hurt or do anything bad to yourself.”

“I promise.” he whispered.

I knew something was definitely wrong. He went quiet and pale. He stared at the ground.

“Mikey?” I asked.

He slowly rolled up the sleeve of his anthrax hoody. There on his arm where 10 cuts.

“why?” I asked him.

“it’s the number of days you were in Acoma.” he whispered. Tears crawling down his face.

I reached out and took his hand. I started to cry again.

He leant down and held me, scared to let me go.