Inside of You

I cried into his chest silently. I wasn’t sobbing or anything. The tears sorta just fell from my eyes. John rubbed circles around my back and tried his best to comfort me but nothing was working. We walked out of the coffee shop after eating lunch but I didn’t really eat much and that upset John a lot. He knew that I wasn’t eating because I was upset and it hurts me to see someone else upset because of me. Why does life have to be so complicated?

We spent the rest of the day walking around the strip mall as he tried to get me to look at some of the things he thought I would want but all I did was shrug. I wasn’t in the mood for shopping. I was in the mood to mope and feel down all day.

“Okay, let’s go,” he said grabbing my hand. I looked at him as I wiped the tears from my face and gave him a questioning look but he just shrugged it off and led me back to where he parked the car.

“Where are we going?” I asked him but he didn’t answer me. He opened the car door to the passenger’s seat and I slid in. I shut it myself as he ran around the car and got into the driver’s seat.

He placed the keys in the ignition and pulled out of the parking space. He turned left once we hit the pavement which meant that we weren’t going home yet. I sighed in relief at that and waited for John to say something about where we were heading but he just kept his eyes on the road and took turns here and there.

Suddenly, the path started to look a little familiar. We were heading to the deserted field that was filled with pretty flowers. It was some kind of meadow that had vegetation that never seemed to wilt no matter how hot it was. I remembered the first time John took me to that place.

There was one time, back when we were still in high school, where I got really upset about a harsh break up. He told me that it was gonna be fine and that I’d move on but I couldn’t. He hurt me too much and I just couldn’t contain my tears. I wanted to scream and shout and try to actually let all the anger pour out of me because the negative energy I was feeling wasn’t only bringing me down. Everyone around me felt a bit of it too because when I get angry, I tend to take my anger and pour it out on the people I talked to. I didn’t like that feeling and neither did John. He was the one I usually screamed at one I got upset so he tries his best not to argue with me to the point where I would get really frustrated.

John had his license and he couldn’t take seeing me so down. I didn’t go to school for a couple of days because I was too ashamed to face him. The whole relationship was practically a lie. He was already seeing someone the day after he asked me to be his. He was never the type of person who could commit to just one girl and sadly, I got caught up in that mess thinking that I could change him in a way.

Once John couldn’t do anything to cheer me up anymore, he took me out on a little drive. He took several turns and I thought we were just going in circles but little did I know that he wasn’t even thinking about where we were headed. But while I was in his car that day, I wasn’t scared. When he told me that he was lost, we ended up getting out of the car and walking a few meters to this beautiful meadow like place.

This was where John urged me to scream my lungs out and tell me that it wasn’t my fault. I got to feel the anger wash away from me and it felt good.

John was there through the whole thing and he listened to everything I said. He listened to every word I said and I didn’t realize ‘til the day after that he was one of the greatest friends that I’ve ever had. Most of my girl friends would never have listened to me like he did. They could never compare to him.

Ever since that day, we called that meadow ours. It was our little secret getaway place. Only he and I knew about it and ever since then, we kept it a secret.

John stopped the car in the familiar spot we’ve parked in several times. I got out of the car and smiled at him as soon as he got out. He locked the doors as we walked towards the place we’ve grown to know quite well.

He snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me close. I leaned into him as we sat on the ground. I didn’t really feel all that comfortable sitting on the ground since I was wearing a dress but I didn’t feel like complaining so I plopped down beside him and leaned into him.

“Thank you,” I said out of the blue and he shifted and turned his head to the side so he can see me. He had a light scowl on his face that showed that he was confused.

“For what?” he asked me as he laced our fingers together.

“For ever showing me this place,” I told him as I looked out at the view. The sun was just about to set right in front of us. “Thank you for listening to me and putting up with all my shit.” I said getting up from my comfortable position as I turned to face him fully. He still looked a little confused and had this face that told me that I shouldn’t thank him for those things. “Without you, I think I would never have made it this far into my life. I would’ve flipped out on the whole world a long time ago.

“John Cornelius O’Callaghan, you’re the only thing in this world that keeps me sane and I don’t know why that just dawned on me today. I can never repay you for everything you do to me and I just can’t help but think that I might not have been the person I am today if it weren’t for you.”

At this he smiled ever so sweetly as he crashed his lips into mine. There it was again –sparks.

I felt oddly calm and collected when he kissed me. It’s like I felt really safe whenever his lips touched mine and I just never wanted it to end.

“Olivia, I love you so fucking much. I never want to lose you – ever again.” He whispered into my ear and I smiled with my eyes closed.Never have I heard simple words sound so beautiful.