Inside of You

I never wanted this night to end. I mean taking a trip down memory lane wasn’t what I expected and this was just purely amazing. From the grilled ham and cheese sandwich to the Kool-Aid, it’s been one hell of an awesome night. Something that’ll probably be remembered years from now when John and I have another date and try to remember everything we’ve been through. That is if we last that long. Well right now, I don’t have any doubts but maybe it’s just me.

We talked about the keychain collection for a while and how we always bought a keychain from wherever we went over the summer and then linked them together using the rings. John and I never really spent the whole summer together. Part of it was usually used for travelling to another state of America. We were content with just visiting states since some states are different most.

After we talked about the keychain collection, we looked into the photo album that our mothers made for us to look back on when we graduated in high school. That night, we were alone in his room since our parents trusted us enough and understood that we needed our privacy. John was about to head out for his first tour then. They got signed and they were so psyched to get out there and show the world what they had inside of them. I missed John but he always came back and that was what truly mattered.

I picked up the familiar looking notebook after going through every cute and embarrassing picture in the photo album. I couldn’t believe I was a kid who loved getting really messy when I ate. I had those pictures where I had something edible painted all over my face but at least I was happy. I was having fun and I was rejoicing every minute of it.

“How long has this been with you?” I asked John as I grabbed our old doodle notebook. I set the photo album aside and traced the cover of the notebook that seemed to hold another fraction of memories.

“Ever since we graduated, I guess,” he said and reached for the notebook and opened it.

“I can’t believe you actually kept this,” I told him laughing at a few drawings that I thought were ‘cooler’ than his in the past. We’d always have these little competitions about who had the best drawing and as I looked at all the stuff I used to do, John was a definite winner. My stuff couldn’t stand a chance against his.

“Can you believe how many fights we made over whose drawing was better?” he laughed as he reminisced. I smiled and leaned into him as we scanned the pages together.

“What’s this?” I asked him after we went through the last page. I grabbed the box with paper inside and grabbed one.

I unfolded the piece of paper and read its contents. Blood rushed up my cheeks when I realized that it was one of the poems I used to make as a teenager. I bit my lip as I tried to read what was written on it without cringing or shuddering from all the cheesiness it entailed.

“You should throw all these away,” I said folding the paper back and placing it in the box. I grabbed some more and started skimming through it slowly remembering when and why I wrote all this.

“Are you kidding? Most of these are great,” he said placing an arm around me as a cold zephyr passed us.

“Yeah, but we all know that you can write way better than I can,” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“Your compositions are actually a big help to me whenever I try to look for something to inspire me enough to write a new song,” he said sincerely.

“Whatever,” I said, “you’d do fine with or without these things,”

“And how would you know that?” he asked me but I just shrugged. “Well then I guess you’re wrong and I’m right,”

“Okay, okay,” John’s competitive side was back. I nudged him in the rib as I placed all the papers away and placed the lid back on top of the bus.

“There’s one more thing,” he mentioned and I pulled away to look at him. This was more than enough already.

“Seriously? There’s more?” I asked him and he laughed at my reaction.

“Just one more,” he said and then he got up and ran to the side of the rooftop and retrieving something from the side of the door which we entered from. I didn’t even notice that there was a guitar case leaning against the side of the wall.

I watched as John walked back over to the mat and sat down next to me with a guitar in his hands. “You do know that I’m a sucker for almost all of your songs, right?” I told him and he smirked.

“Well this is a new one,” he told me and my eyes widened up a bit. “I wrote it because of you,” he said and I felt a little flustered but I didn’t show it too much since I was too eager to hear what he had written.

I’m on a trip
I can’t get off, can’t get over…
I want it all
I want it all
Inside of you
I call you up
you’re getting off
I’m coming over.

You’re twenty-one
I see your eyes, you’re barely sober.
I hear your voice
you’re calling out from me to you.
I pour a drink, you move in quick
you’re moving forward
then you said…

No, whoa,
I’m never gonna be inside of you
And I said
No, whoa,
I’m never gonna see inside of you
Because I know
I’m gonna fall
And you’ll be waiting for it all
Because I know, I know, I know
I can’t get inside of you

This fragile game
It’s like a train that’s headed nowhere
It never stops
And I can’t see the exit sign.
We’re headed north
I see the cliff we’re getting closer…

So don’t say that you just want to runaway
Replay all the things that I tried to say
I’m twenty-one, so you’re getting off
I’m coming over.
Then you said…

No, whoa,
I’m never gonna be inside of you
And I said
No, whoa,
I’m never gonna see inside of you
Because I know
I’m gonna fall
And you’ll be waiting for it all
Because I know, I know, I know
I can’t get inside of you

HEY!

I’m on a trip
I can’t get off, can’t get over…
I want it all
I want it all
Inside of you
I call you up, you’re getting off, I’m coming over.

No, whoa,
I’m never gonna be inside of you
And I said
No, whoa,
I’m never gonna see inside of you
Because I know
I’m gonna fall
And you’ll be waiting for it all
Because I know, I know, I know
I can’t get inside of you

I know I’m gonna fall
And you’ll be waiting for it all
Because I know, I know, I know
I can’t get inside of you

I’m on a trip
I can’t get off, can’t get over…
I want it all
I want it all
Inside of you
I call you up, you’re getting off, I’m coming over.

I was speechless for a while and then tears started streaming down my face. He placed his guitar aside and then pressed his lips to mine. It just felt so good to be here with him right now. I’ve never felt more alive.

“I wish the things that happened never happened. I mean as a kid, every thing to me was so simple and now, it’s getting more and more complicated. Growing up did this, I wish I never grew up so our lives would’ve been easier and we’d both be having fun just doing the things we used to do,” John told me and I smiled.

“Well, if what happened to us never really happened, we wouldn’t be here right now in this spot doing these things together.” I told him. “John I don’t care if we grow up as long as I’m with you. That’s all that really matters to me,” he smiled at what I said and reconnected our lips.

Looking back, I wished that maybe I took the time to really appreciate every single detail that went on in my life. But then again, maybe I don’t have to turn back the time to do that. Maybe all I need is to look ahead of me where hope can be found.Where John and I will surely last forever…