Inside of You

John and I spent the rest of the night looking up at the stars. We were lying on the picnic mat with everything pushed aside so that we occupied the whole thing without having to get a part of our clothing dirty because of the rooftop floor. Our hands were intertwined and I couldn’t think of something else I’d rather be doing than lie here with him beside me.

“So, what did you think about the whole night?” he asked me and I smiled thinking about it.

“It definitely blew me away. That’s for sure,” I told him and he smirked.

“Can’t help but say I told you so,” he said. “You should never ever underestimate me again,”

“Aww, but where’s the fun in that?” I asked him and we shared a laugh.

I just loved moments like this where it was just John and I that mattered. It was as if everything else was a world away and we were the only two people here who actually existed but of course moments like those had to end one way or another. Sadly, this moment for me ended too soon.

My phone started buzzing after a few more seconds of comforting silence. I got up and reached for my phone.

“Hello?” I said answering the call. I didn’t really know who it was so I waited for the voice to come on the other line.

“Where the hell are you?” Aunt Catherine sounded angry but I knew she was just worried. She really shouldn’t be concerned though.

“I’m with John,” I told her and she sighed.

“Well you should’ve called,” she said in a less harsh voice.

“Sorry, I guess I just lost track of time,” I said turning back to look at John who was starting right at me with those beautiful eyes of his.

“Well do you need me to wait up for you?” she asked and I chuckled.

“No, you should get some rest.” I told her.

“Okay, take care of yourself,” she said and then we both hung up.

“Who was it?” John asked as soon as I lay back down on the mat. It was actually 3 in the morning. I guess she did have a reason to get all worried about me since John and I don’t usually stay this long out.

“It was Aunt Catherine,” I said. “She was just worried and stuff,”

“Well she shouldn’t be. I’m here and that’s my job,” he said sweetly and I laughed as I rolled around and got closer to him.

“I think she knows now that I told her,” I said as I got up slowly and yawned.

“Well I guess we have to get going now,” he said and I looked back at him with curiosity in my eyes.

“Why?” I asked and he smiled.

“Because you’re getting tired,” he explained and I pouted.

“No, I’m not,” I told him as he got up and started to put everything back into a basket.

“Come on, let’s go,” he said and I got up and helped him pack up.

We went down the stairs and then dumped all of the stuff inside his car. We drove home with a little music playing from the radio. We didn’t really talk much but I didn’t care. Being with him after everything was enough already.

Once we got to his house, I helped him unload everything into his living room where more memories kept coming back to me. There were things that I remembered because I wanted to but there were also things that I wanted to forget but if we only remember the good things and not the bad then, life wouldn’t be as exciting now would it?

After doing everything that needed to be done, I sat on the couch of the living room as I waited for John to come back from the bathroom. Thinking back, I think life has been better than I thought it would be. I mean maybe there were lots of rough patches along the way but without them, things might not be the same and only now do I realize that.

“So where are you going to sleep tonight?” John asked as soon as he came out of the bathroom.

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll head back to my house or something,” I said getting up. “Good night,” I was about to twist the door knob when all of a sudden, he pulled my arm gently and spun me around so my back was on the door. He pressed up against me slightly and placed his hands on my sides.

“Don’t leave,” he whispered into my ear and I was starting to get a little uncomfortable. I mean I think I knew where this was headed and I really didn’t want it to go there just yet. I don’t know why but in a way, it felt like I was about to do it for the first time and I was having these weird nervous feelings in me.

“John, it’s like 3:30 in the morning, you have to get some sleep,” I said trying not to give in to the butterfly kisses he planted all around my neck.

“But I don’t wanna sleep alone tonight,” he whined and I laughed.

“You’re a big boy now-”

“And you’re a big girl, we could have a sleepover,” he said trailing his hands up and down my sides.

“But I didn’t ask permission yet,” I said playing along with the act he was trying to put up.

“Don’t worry, I’ll explain everything to Aunt Catherine tomorrow,” he said placing his lips on mine and kissing me with so much passion.

His tongue dance around with mine as he pressed his body against me and I felt like if he continued to do that, I’d be flat in no time.

He lifted me up so that our height was levelled and I wrapped my legs around his torso skilfully. The next thing I knew, we were both in his room and he dropped me on the bed. His hands travelled from my sides to my thighs and I’ve never anything so magical before. His touch was so gentle against my skin that it just made me crave for him more but deep inside, something told me that this was wrong and that I shouldn’t be doing this right now. It seemed totally rushed, really. But that didn’t stop him.

His hands slid up from the exposed skin on my thighs to the inside of my dress. He made his way to my sides and stopped there. He was out of breath so he pulled away for a while and traced incoherent shapes on my skin.

“John, stop that,” I said trying to pry his hands off me now that he was tickling me. My dress was all up to my stomach now so the bottom part of my body was pretty exposed and John seemed to enjoy it.

“Okay,” he said making his fingers behave. He kissed my cheek and moved down to my ears as he whispered, “I want it all, I want it all inside of you,” I laughed at this as he planted more kisses on me.

His hands were on the hem of my dress and he was about to pull it over my head but then I sorta freaked and pushed his hands away from me roughly. John was frightened by my sudden movement but I had to get this through his head one way or another.

“Um, John, I don’t think I’m ready for this,” I told him pulling down my dress. I looked out the window as I spoke. I was too afraid to face the look in his eyes. I knew I’d hurt him but it just didn’t seem right.

“Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to pressure you into something you didn’t want to do,” he said. I looked back at him and knew from the look in his eyes that he was devastated. I mean who wouldn’t be after what I did? I’m so stupid.

“No, it’s okay.” I said biting my lip. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?” I said getting up. I didn’t know why but somehow I thought leaving would make this all go away.

“No, just stay,” he said and I just sorta stared at him for a while. He smiled at me before pulling on my arm.

I scooted over next to him on the bed after I took off my shoes. He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled into my neck. He tried to tell me that he was happy.But deep inside, I knew he wasn’t.