Inside of You

I didn’t know what happened right after we kissed but all of a sudden, he told me that he had to go back home since he was getting tired. It was all pretty sudden and it got me thinking about us – if we were okay or not. I didn’t want to have to ask him but I really did want to know and plus before I could say anything else, he was already across the lawn on his front porch opening his front door and shutting it slowly behind him.

I just sat on the ledge as I thought about everything for a while. But my alone time was cut short when everyone exited the house and told me that they were gonna get themselves home. I hugged each and every one of them goodbye as they filed into their cars. Well they all left but Garrett stayed behind.

“So what did he say?” he asked leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“I don’t really know,” I said with a heavy sigh as I hopped down from the ledge.

He smirked and rolled his eyes as he shifted his weight to the right side of his body. “He can’t handle stuff like that. It’s too much for him,”

I looked at Garrett and wondered why he was getting all bitter about this whole thing. “What are you saying?” I asked and he sighed as he pushed himself off of the frame and walked towards me.

“I’m saying that he’s not worthy of someone like you,” he said tucking hair behind my ear.

“Okay,” was all I said as I walked back into the house.

“That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna say?” Garrett asked me closing the door behind him.

“What else do you want me to say?” I asked him but he just exhaled loudly and tightened his jaw.

“I want you to see that there’s someone better for you out there who’d care enough to see through every detail of your life and appreciate them no matter how many or how insignificant you think they may be. Someone’s waiting for you to see the light that shows you that John’s a complete waste of time.” He stated. I didn’t like where he was going with this.

I mean maybe he was speaking the truth but for some reason I just can’t let go of John no matter how much I wanted to. He means everything to me and I never really imagined myself with anyone else. But maybe that’s why I never thought about someone else being right for me. I never really thought out of the box. I was always stuck in this prism filled with so many thoughts about how John would be there for me any time and any place. I was too stuck up on thinking that he was the only one who could fill in the shoes of the one I called ‘Mr. Right’ and that’s not fair. I locked myself up with a decision without even considering the other choices.

So what am I really saying? Should I just forget about John and explore my options? Should I just throw away each and every memory we’ve had with each other? I guess I’ve always wanted a cliché relationship where two childhood friends grow up and discover what there is to know about each other and end up happy in each other’s arms thinking about how their world was only big enough for them to fit in and the rest of the people meant nothing to them. But life isn’t a cliché. It’s a surprise waiting to be unveiled and that’s the beauty of it. You never really know what’s going to happen.

Right when I was about to say something, the door swung open revealing Andy. She waved at both of us before heading up the stairs and into her room. Once she was out of sight and hearing range, I refocused on Garrett.

“Look, maybe you’re right. Maybe there really is someone else out there for me. But until then, I’m going to have to think things through.” I told him and all he did was nod. He was still quite aggravated.

“I gotta go,” he told me and before I could utter a word, he was out the door.Why was everyone leaving me?