Inside of You

“You’re kidding, right?” were the first three words that came out of me. No one answered me which meant they weren’t joking.

I was frightened and I was scared shitless. How could they get into an accident? I mean my mother knows how to drive and she drives really well.

I was standing there not knowing what to do then all of a sudden, I ran to the place where my Mom hid all the keys to the cars and grabbed the key to the spare car we had outside. I was panicking and I was about to head out when all of a sudden, Garrett ran towards me and held me back.

“What are you doing?” I asked just above a whisper. The ball in my throat was starting to get bigger and it was getting hard for me to talk or breathe.

“I’m coming with you,” he said taking the keys to the car from me.

I looked back at John who had but I couldn’t read him right. He told me to go so I nodded and gave him a small smile. We headed into the garage and got into the car.

I got into the passenger’s seat while Garrett climbed into the driver’s seat and we backed away as fast as we could. I was getting anxious and Garrett knew that. He didn’t say anything while we were driving. I let the tears slip silently as I prayed for the best.

We got to the hospital safely and I got out of the car and ran to the lobby as soon as the car was parked. I didn’t want to look back when Garrett called after me because I knew that there was no time to waste. Every second was too important.

“Andrea Harper and Mary Harper please,” I said with pleading eyes.

The nurse/receptionist who was in charge saw the look in my eyes and knew that I needed to know where they were pronto.

“Um, Mrs. Harper is in the emergency room right now but you’re free to wait in Ms. Harper’s room.” She told me and told me exactly how to get there. I nodded my thanks and turned back to see Garrett with a worried look in his face.

I bit my lip as I took his hand and led him to where the nurse asked me to go. I walked as briskly as I could and dragged Garrett with me. My phone was vibrating in my pocket but I didn’t want to pick it up just yet. I needed to see if Andy and Mom were okay. I wouldn’t know what to do without them. I don’t want to be alone in this world.

I stopped right outside Andy’s room. Her door was open and she was okay but she was unconscious. I let go of his hand and ran right next to Andy wanting to break down but I didn’t want to wake her up so I did it silently. The tears were pouring like rain in a storm. I sniffled as I took a few steps back and sat on the chair right beside the bed. She had a few scratches on her face but other than that, she seemed fine. I heard Garrett coming near me. He sat on the chair beside mine as he placed his arms around me. He wiped my tears away but the just wouldn’t stop. I leaned into his chest and we just stayed like that until someone knocked on the door.

“Um, excuse me but are you Olivia Harper?” an old doctor with graying hair asked looking at the clipboard he was holding then back at me.

“Y-yea, that’s me,” I said getting up and walking to him.

“Well, your mother is currently in the ICU. She just got out of surgery and we’re doing the best we can to help her,” the doctor said in a hushed tone so as not to wake my sister up.

“Is she going to be okay?” I asked him wiping the tears that are too stubborn to stop.

“The tumor in her brain has grown over the past few months and it has caused her to have a stroke,” the doctor said but that hardly answered my question. “We’re doing the best we can to help her in this situation.” He said and I nodded.

“She has cancer?” I asked almost inaudibly. Why didn’t anyone tell me?

“Um, yes,” he said clearing his throat in an odd and nervous manner. “Didn’t you know about this?”

“I just got back today. It’s been a year since I’ve been back in Arizona,” I said biting my lip as more tears started to pour out from my eyes.

“Well, she’s been struggling with brain cancer for five months now,” he said softly.

“Is it going to go away?” I asked him but he didn’t answer that. Disappointment was written all over his face when he couldn’t give me the answer I was looking for.

“Can I see her now?” I asked him changing the subject and he was hesitant at first but then he agreed and he took me to the ICU where my mother laid unconscious. Garrett trailed close behind not wanting to leave me on my own.

The doctor left as soon as we got there so that he could give us some privacy. There weren’t a lot of patients in the room. Just my mother and this guy who was in some kind of coma. I cried harder when I saw my mother. She was bruised all over and her leg was wrapped in a cast and it was elevated. A part of her face was wrapped in gauze and her arm looked broken.

I was trembling and my knees were shaking. I was about to crash on the floor when Garrett’s strong arms helped me up.

“I should’ve known,” I said turning around to bury my face in his chest so that I wouldn’t disturb the silence in the room.

“It’s not your fault,” Garrett said shushing me. His voice was soft. I looked at him and saw a tear fall from his eyes.

I locked my arms around him and hated myself for this. This was all my fault. I should never have run away. I would’ve known my mother had cancer if I stayed at home with her. We could’ve gone through this together. I didn’t want to lose her. My life was just starting to pick up and now it’s falling back to pieces.

“Garrett, did you know about this?” I asked him as I looked up and wiped the tears from my eyes.

He nodded slowly. “I wanted to tell you but you didn’t answer your phone,” he said, “and I didn’t know where you were,”

I cried harder and he pulled me back into his arms telling me again and again that it was going to be okay but I knew somewhere deep down that this wasn't going to be okay. I wanted to believe him, I did but I couldn't. I should've just come back here after tour. But I had to run away. For what? For nothing at all. I just needed to get away. But that shouldn't have been an excuse for me. It benefited no one.I never should have gone away.