Nothing in This World Can Compare to You

A week had passed into May. Nate and I weren’t doing any better. At all. On my days off, I wake up in the morning and he’s not there. And on his days off I go before he wakes up. It’s like neither of us wants to acknowledge the fact that we’re not around each other. But today is a day where we’re both working, so we both have to be up. I woke up to the sound of the shower running and sighed, walking into the bathroom. I didn’t say anything as I got into the shower with Nate. I didn’t need to. He pressed his lips to mine and held me close as the hot water ran over us. I just rested my hands on his chest, letting my lips fall into a natural rhythm with his. About 15 minutes later we stepped out of the shower in silence, Nate passing me a towel. He wrapped one round his waist and walked back into our bedroom. I sighed and followed him, watching him put his boxers on.

“So is this how our mornings are now? Silent?” I said as cheerfully as I could, trying to break the tension.

“If you wanted to fucking say something then you could’ve fucking said it,” Nate snapped, shimmying into a pair of jeans.

Woah, what the fuck?

“I-I was only joking, Nate,” I said nervously.

I don’t like it when he gets angry with me for no reason.

“You think our relationship is one big fucking joke, huh?” Nate sneered.

Okay, now I’m getting angry. I haven’t done anything to deserve this!

“What the fuck is going on, Nate? What’s made you so mad?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“Us! Everything to do with us! I never see you, you never see me – it’s like we’re just flatmates rather than lovers,” Nate spat, pulling a grey t-shirt over his head.

“It’s not my fault that I have to work so much,” I defended.

“No, but you could put some effort in when you come home,” Nate retorted.

“And you could put some effort in when I am home,” I spat back.

“I don’t need this shit. I’ll be late for work,” Nate growled, roughly drying his hair with his towel.

“You care about that job more than you care about me,” I muttered.

“Oh yeah? At least my co-workers aren’t 26 year old bisexual guys that I spend more time with than my boyfriend,” Nate accused.

“Don’t bring Dan into this, at least he listens to me,” I said angrily.

“He listens to you? Well that’s just fucking wonderful. You know what? Bring Dan home with you tonight, ‘cause I sure as hell won’t be here,” Nate snarled.

My jaw dropped as Nate grabbed his sidekick and car keys and stormed out of our bedroom. W-What just happened?

“Nate! Don’t go!” I cried out, begging.

He froze with his hand on our front door. But he didn’t turn around. He just opened the door and left me. He left me. He can’t leave me, right?

*

[Nate]

I stared at my cellphone, praying for any kind of contact from Ash. Nothing. I can’t believe the stupid things I said this morning. For one, I would never leave him. Ever. And bring Dan into it? Well I know the guy has a crush on Ash, but even that was low for me. Grunting, I slammed my phone on the small table in front of me, running my hands through my hair. This isn’t right. This isn’t us. I don’t know what’s happening with our relationship, but I don’t like it. I want us to be back where we used to be. I can’t lose Ash. I can’t.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” my boss, Leo, frowned.

“Nothing,” I muttered.

I probably shouldn’t be so rude, but I don’t really care right now.

“Alright, but if it helps, I’d write it down,” Leo suggested.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Grab your acoustic and write down what you’re feeling. Hell, I wrote enough for three albums when I was on the rocks with my wife,” Leo chuckled.

“I didn’t say it was about a relationship,” I pointed out.

Leo just smiled to himself and left the room. I sighed, my eyes landing on my black Fender acoustic leaning against the wall. I guess it couldn’t hurt, right? I leant over and picked up my guitar, as well as a sheet of paper and a pencil. Here goes nothing. I glanced at my cellphone again one last time. Still nothing. With a sigh, I started to strum, hoping some inspiration would come.

“Waking up without you
It doesn't feel right
To sleep with only memories
It's harder every night
Sometimes I think I can feel you breathing on my neck

Tonight I'm reaching out to the stars
I think that he owes me a favor
It doesn't matter where you are
I'll hold you again”

I paused, scribbling the lyrics down. All that was running through my mind was Ash. How I’ve barely seen him lately. How much I need him. How much it feels like he’s slipping away. How much my words could mean that I’ve lost him already.

“I wish I could hear your voice
And don't leave me alone in this bed
I wish I could touch you once more
And don't leave me alone in this bed
Not tonight, not tomorrow

I've got the feeling that this will never cease
Living in these pictures
It never comes with ease
I swear that if I could make this right
You'd be back by now”

I scribbled down these words too, completely consumed. If I lose Ash, if the distance between us becomes irreparable, then I’ll have nothing left. He is my life. He is my forever.

“Tonight I'm screaming out to the stars
He knows he owes me a favor
It doesn't matter where you are
You'll be mine again

I wish I can hear your voice
And don't leave me alone in this bed
I wish I could touch you once more
And don't leave me alone in this bed

What about the plans that we had
We'd been crazy not to go
Meet me in capeside”

Tears built up in my eyes as I wrote down more lyrics. Fuck, who’d have known I’d start having such emotions? I need to tell Ash...no, I need to show Ash how much he means to me. How much I love him.

“I wish I can hear your voice
And don't leave me alone in this bed
I wish I could touch you once more
And don't leave me alone in this bed

Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone
Don't leave me alone in this bed
Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone
Don't leave me alone in this bed”.

I stopped playing, tears leaking from my cheeks. I can’t do this. I can’t let Ash slip away from me like this. The pitiful remains of my heart are being torn apart as it is. Drying my eyes, I picked up my cellphone and dialled the number of the person I knew would help me without judging me.

“Hey Misty? I need some advice...”

*

[6pm]

I unlocked the door to mine and Ash’s apartment as quietly as I could, hoping to Dear God that Ash would listen to my apology. I closed the door, wincing as the lock clicked loudly. I slipped off my shoes and laid my guitar down on the floor, holding the gift bag in my other hand. I heard the sound of the TV softly in the living room, so I walked as quietly as I could into the room. Tears pricked at my eyes at the sight of Ash curled up on the sofa, shirtless and with visible tear tracks on his cheeks. Our dumb dog Chocolate was sitting near Ash’s head, staring at me as if to say ‘This is all your fault’, so I shooed him away and switched off the TV. Kneeling down, I stroked my thumb over Ash’s cheek until he woke up.

“N-Nate?” he asked weakly.

“Yeah, it’s me baby,” I murmured.

“Y-You weren’t here when I g-got back from work. I-I thought you’d l-left like you s-said you would,” Ash whimpered.

“I would never leave you,” I insisted.

Ash’s bottom lip trembled, so I lifted his skinny body up and sat down on the sofa, pulling him onto my lap.

“I love you with every fibre of my being, and there is no way I would ever leave you on your own. Everything I said this morning was stupid and a complete lie, and I hate seeing you like this,” I said softly.

“What’s happening to us? When did we get like this?” Ash asked quietly, his eyes shining with tears.

I stayed silent for a minute or two, my fingertips tracing his multiple tattoos. I loved the ink on his skin. I don’t think I could go a day without seeing it.

“I don’t know,” I finally said, “I really don’t know,”

I sighed as Ash started crying silently, burying his face in the crook of my neck. We stayed like this for what seemed like hours, me running my fingers through Ash’s messy blonde hair, and him crying without sound, until Ash’s tears stopped.

“I-I’m sorry,” he sniffed.

“Don’t apologise. It isn’t your fault,” I said with a weak smile.

“You’re not the only one to blame for the problems in our relationship,” Ash mumbled, misery oozing from his words.

“No, but I made you cry and I said all that bullshit this morning,” I countered.

Ash chewed his bottom lip, thinking about something.

“Misty said you were crying on the phone to her in your lunch break,” he finally whispered.

I clenched my teeth and fists. I should’ve known that Misty couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

“I was stressed,” I said simply.

“I made you cry too,” Ash replied.

“I don’t cry. Men of the Stone family don’t cry,” I muttered, embarrassed and slightly angry.

Any anger faded when Ash’s small hand cupped my cheek.

“I love you,” he said softly, looking into my eyes.

I felt my heart melt at the honesty and innocence in his expression.

“I love you too,” I smiled.

Ash smiled back before resting his head on my shoulder, his fingers tracing the praying hands tattoo on my shoulder. I lifted my right hand and put my thumb and middle finger in my mouth, before whistling sharply and loudly.

“Oww, what was that for?” Ash whined.

Our beagle dog came scampering into the room, skidding on the floorboards so much that he crashed into the coffee table. I snorted and Ash giggled. I love it when he giggles. I patted the sofa seat next to us, and Chocolate gladly leapt up, panting with his tongue out.

“Normally you don’t want our dog anywhere near the sofa,” Ash reminded me.

“Tonight I’ll let him off because I want to spend time with my family,” I said warmly.

Ash bit his bottom lip and smiled up at me for considering the three of us a family. Good, that’s the reaction I wanted from him. I want him to know that I don’t consider anyone else as important as he is to me. I pecked a kiss to his lips, before lifting him off my lap and placing him back down on the sofa.

“Where are you going?” Ash panicked.

“Relax, I’m putting in a movie,” I chuckled.

I walked over to the cupboard and pulled out Ash’s favourite DVD. Finding Nemo. Not my cup of tea, but Ash loves it – so I’ll deal. I pushed it into the player and walked back over to Ash, picking the gift bag off the floor. When I’d called Misty in my break, I’d asked her how to tell Ash how much I loved him. All she said was make it personal. Ash doesn’t like big fancy gestures, he prefers small things that take personal effort.

Well, I knew that Ash doesn’t like fancy gestures. After all, we did date for 6 months and then now nearly 5 years. Damn 5 years. But as soon as I left work, I got going. I’d bought Ash a bottle of Rosé (he loves the stuff) and two wine glasses to pour it into, and a box of his favourite chocolates, as well as a chew toy for Chocolate. Ash loves that dumb dog so much that I knew he would appreciate me including our pet too.

“I got you something to remind you that I love you,” I said simply, picking him up and sitting back underneath him.

I pressed play on the movie as I handed him the gift bag, smiling as he opened it. Ash pulled out each item, his grin slowly getting wider and wider, until her wrapped his arms round my neck and pressed a flurry of kisses all over my face.

“I’m guessing you like it?” I laughed.

“Are you kidding? I love it. And I love you,” Ash grinned.

He pressed a quick but firm kiss to my lips before tossing Chocolate his chew toy. The dog grunted happily. Good. Ash snuggled himself against my chest as the movie started and I wasted no time in wrapping my arms around him. Tonight I was lucky. Another night, I might not be.