Take Me From the Hospital Bed

My fingers brushed against the paper. I read it through once more. It had a lot of words I had scribbled over. I didn’t really care to write it again. I just wanted away as soon as possible.

Gee Gerard
You should know by now that I love you more than anything. It doesn’t mean I can’t hate you. I hate you perhaps even more than love. You broke my heart. It couldn’t have been worse. I wonder, what is so special aboutLindsay her? You only knew her for a couple of months. You knew me for years. A rushed marriage, I say. It was about the baby, right? I still can’t believe how selfish you are. You married her because the only thing you cared about was your reputation. You couldn’t have cared less about me. What I felt. What if she would find out you only married her because you’re so fucking selfish? It’s such a shame I won’t be around anymore to tell her that. Maybe I should text her or something. I won’t. You don’t deserve to be happy, and you won’t be happy as long as you’re married to someone you don’t love. I know you said you did love her, but I seriously doubt that. I doubt you’re capable of loving anyone but yourself at all.
I’m writing this to you because I want you to know that you’re the onlyfucking reason I’m doing it. Yes, I’m killing myself. And you’re the one to blame. You should learn to think before you act. It’s a bit late though, by the time you’ll read this, you already have a death on your account.I bet you’ll love that.
I most certainly hope that when you die it’ll be painful. When you do die, maybe we can then be happy together in Heaven if such a place even exists. Though I sincerely doubt that’s where you’ll be going. I’d rather send you to Hell.
I don’t really have anything else to say. Eternal sleep awaits.I’ll love you forever I’ll hate you forever,
so long,xoxo Frankie

I carefully folded the piece of paper and slid it into a white envelope. I simply wrote the name “Gerard” on it. I sealed the envelope shut and pushed it into the pocket of my jacket. I began writing the next letter.

Be-beep. Be-beep.

Why can’t the fucking sound stop and leave me alone? And more importantly, why the fuck can’t they pull the life support? If I was attempting suicide, doesn’t that mean I want to die? And if I want to die, why are they keeping me alive?
My thoughts were very unarranged. I couldn’t think as clearly as I used to. There simply wasn’t a point in that.

“Please, you gotta tell me he’s going to wake up?”
“Mr. Way, we can’t be sure yet”
“Fuck it, he’s my best friend!”
“Calm down, even the doctors don’t know”

Ah. Mikey. Sure, he isn’t the Way brother I’m in love with, but he is one of my closest friends. He is also the one who visits me the most. His voice was muffled as if he spoke through a door, all sounds were, but I could still recognize his voice. I also recognized the voice of the nurse he was arguing with. It was the same nurse who always made sure I was alright. She even talked to me. I don’t think she knew I heard it, but she talked to me anyway. That was something I was grateful for, just talking with my own thoughts would’ve been really boring.

“Uh, Frank, I don’t think you can hear me, but – “

Wrong, Mikes.

“… but I really needed to tell you something”

Okay, you’ve got my attention. Go on.

“See, Gerard’s been a fucking wreck ever since you tried to – you know – and he won’t tell me what the letter said – “

He hasn’t shown the letter to anyone? Even Mikey? Well, I did freely admit my suicide would be his fault. It was a quite personal letter. I didn’t explain the real reason in the two other letters I wrote. The other was for my friends, mostly for my bandmates, and the other was to be posted on our website, for the fans.