Never Regret

"We're home, bitches!” Logan shouted.

All five of us whooped, cheered and did a happy dance. Yes, our next gig was in Detroit, Michigan. We had five days here before our show, so I was ecstatic to see my hometown, as well as my family. Oh this was going to be incredible! Today was quite warm again, so I wore a pair of ripped faded skinny jeans, a floaty cream t-shirt, purple flip-flops and a large white hibiscus flower in my hair, as well as purple eyeshadow and my usual thick eyeliner. I grabbed my purple messenger bag and sidekick before walking off the bus.

“Well I'm going home. Back to the place where I belong. And where your love has always been enough for me,” I sang.

Home, by Daughtry. The perfect song for right now.

“I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me,” Logan joined in with me, me harmonising with his voice.

“But these places and these faces are getting old, so I'm going home,” the whole band sang.

Yes, we are this cool. We started laughing as we realised Pete, TAI and Cobra Starship were staring at us.

“Sorry, we got a bit excited,” Logan chuckled.

“Don’t be sorry, that was good. You’ve got an amazing voice, Mack,” Pete said seriously.

I just blushed, rolling my eyes.

“So what’s the plan for today?” JC asked, changing the subject.

“Today is the day Never Regret takes everyone else on a tour of Detroit,” Pete grinned.

“Fuck yes!” Reece whooped, high-fiving Logan.

“We’ll split into different groups, because there’s wayyy too many of us to go around as one,” Pete announced.

“Sure thing,” Logan smiled.

“Oh shit! I’ve forgotten my belly piercing!” I squeaked.

I ran back onto my bus with the laughter of everyone else, quickly running to my bunk. I’d left a clean barbell on the little shelf I had ready to put in, but I must’ve just forgotten. It’s a cute ying yang barbell that my mom gave me when our band first started to get noticed, for good luck. When it was in and I was happy, I walked back off the bus, only to notice that only Michael was standing there. He laughed at my bewildered expression.

“Sorry Kenzie, they all decided on groups and left. You got stuck with me,” Michael mused.

“I’m sure I can deal with that,” I smiled, shutting the bus door.

Michael shoved his hands in his jeans pockets as we started walking, making me chuckle. He’s a bit shy, isn’t he?

“What’s funny?” Michael frowned lightly.

“Nothing. Do you want to see where me and the guys used to haunt?” I asked.

“Sure,” Michael smiled.

“Good, coz I was gonna fucking take you there anyway. The first place is a tattoo and piercing studio where they got all their tattoos done and I got mine done,” I explained.

“You’ve got a tattoo?” Michael said, shocked.

“I’ve never shown it to you?” I frowned.

“No,” Michael replied, shaking his head.

I moved my hair away from the back of my head, displaying the cursive script.

“Mon amour, ma vie.....what does it mean?” Michael smiled.

“My love, my life,” I replied.

“Sweet,” Michael chuckled.

We walked in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, hitting the main street of the city quickly.

“So who’s with who?” I asked, realising I didn’t know.

“JC has Ryland, Suarez and Nate. Logan has Pete, Bill and Gabe. Reece and Taylor have Butcher, Mike, Victoria and Sisky,” Michael listed.

“I feel shit for you not being with your friends,” I sighed.

“Don’t. I wanted to go with you,” Michael shrugged.

“You did?” I smirked, teasing.

Michael just blushed, bowing his head. I chuckled, shaking mine. It didn’t take long to reach the tattoo studio, and I walked in first. But then I froze at who I saw behind the counter. I forgot he worked here.

“No way is that Mackey Mouse,” the guy grinned.

“Tommy!” I said happily, squeezing him in a hug.

Tommy, or Thomas, was 6ft, broad-shouldered, heavily tattooed, a lip ring and labret, and had jet black hair with a long side fringe covering his dark blue eyes. He’s the sweetest guy I knew outside my band. He’s also Joseph’s older brother.

“What brings you back to Detroit, Mack? I heard from Lisa that you were on a country-wide tour,” Tommy asked with a grin.

“We’ve got a show here in a few days, and we’re all showing round the rest of the bands. This is my friend Michael. He’s in The Academy Is,” I introduced.

Michael smiled and shook Tommy’s hand.

“How do you know Kenzie?” Michael asked cheerfully.

“Kenzie?” Tommy mused.

I just nudged him with my hip.

“I’m her ex-boyfriend’s older brother,” Tommy explained.

“Joseph?” Michael frowned.

“Yeah, that’s the name the little shit goes by,” Tommy sneered.

“Tommy and Joseph don’t get on well,” I explained.

“One of the happiest days of my life when he got put in jail. Even if it was for...”

“Not the time,” I interrupted.

“Nobody knows, do they?” Tommy asked bluntly.

“Knows what?” Michael asked, confused.

“Oh Mack, you can’t hide her forever,” Tommy sighed.

“Hide who?” Michael asked again.

“I’ll tell you later,” I muttered.

“Sorry Mack,” Tommy apologised, chewing his lip ring.

“Don’t worry, you didn’t know he doesn’t know,” I said with a weak smile.

“You know that Joseph’s out, right?” Tommy asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, I saw him in Louisville, Kentucky,” I nodded, chewing my lip piercing.

“He wants to see her,” Tommy said softly.

“Are you serious?” I gasped.

“He found out from one of his old friends that still went to the high school,” Tommy nodded.

“Wonderful,” I growled.

“I wouldn’t worry, Mack. You’ve got Logan, JC and Reece to do some damage. And besides, I doubt any of the other bands would let him get to you,” Tommy pointed out.

“Damn right we wouldn’t,” Michael nodded.

I smiled weakly at my old friend and my new friend.

“Thanks I guess,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

“Come here,” Tommy chuckled.

He hugged me firmly, swaying from side to side.

“You’d better get on with the rest of your tour around Detroit. Don’t be a stranger, yeah?” Tommy smiled, letting me go.

“You know it,” I laughed.

I walked out of the studio, Michael right behind me.

“Who were you talking about?” Michael asked softly as we started walking again.

“I don’t really want to say right now,” I said sharply.

Michael took the hint and didn’t bring up the subject again.

*

Four hours later, and Michael and I were sitting in a 1950s style diner with milkshakes, laughing and talking. I’d shown him round all the places I used to hang out now, so we were just having a break before heading back to the buses. Today had been...fun. Then my sidekick rang. Reece.

Me: Hey bubs.
Reece: Asmine-Jay is ere-hay!

Jasmine is here!

Me: W-What?
Reece: With your mom and Lisa. Taylor’s stalling them meeting everyone by giving them a small tour of the venue, but she can’t hold off much longer. You and Chizzy are the only ones not here.
Me: Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Okay, we’ll come back right now.
Reece: Alright, see you soon.

I ended the call and picked up my bag.

“What’s wrong?” Michael frowned, standing up too.

“We’ve got to haul ass. Now,” I ordered.

Michael just nodded, realising I was serious. This was not going to end well for me.

[5 minutes later]

Michael and I reached the buses and we were immediately rushed by Logan, JC and Reece, who all looked panicked.

“What’s going on?” Michael asked, confused.

I whimpered as everyone else walked over. I didn’t know what to say. Then we heard a sharp whistle that could only have come from one person. My sister. The small crowd split as me, JC, Logan and Reece walked through to see a blonde woman, a small blonde girl and a red-head woman walking with Taylor.

“The red-head must be Jasmine,” I heard Gabe mumble.

I didn’t have time to say wtf because the little girl started running.

“MOMMY!” she cried out happily.

Tears trickled down my cheeks as I heard gasps from behind me. But I crouched down in silence, letting her run into my arms.

“Hey Jasmine,” I whispered, hugging her tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Taylor mouthed as she reached us.

I just nodded. I stood up with Jasmine still in my arms, her arms and legs wrapped around me.

“Mommy, are you sad?” Jasmine asked, her chubby hands wiping the tears from my face.

“Of course not, baby girl. These are happy tears,” I smiled weakly.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” my mom asked, realising everyone had no idea who they were.

“Guys, this is my mom Karen, my older sister Lisa and my daughter Jasmine,” I said as calmly as I could.

TAI and the Cobras just stood with their jaws dropped.

“Nice to meet you too,” Lisa snickered, flicking her red hair out of her blue eyes.

“Let’s show you where I’m living,” I said as cheerfully as possible.

“You live on a bus?” Jasmine giggled.

“I sure do,” I chuckled.

I avoided eye-contact with anyone but JC, just nodding to him. It was time for everyone to know the truth about me.

*

[JC Morel]

I waited until Mackenzie’s family had shut the bus door, before turning to the rest of the bands.

“What the hell?!” Pete exasperated.

“Jasmine is Mack’s 4 year old daughter. She’s part of Mack’s ‘Regret’ that makes up our band name,” I explained.

“4 year old...wait...Joseph was put in jail 4 years ago...” Michael trailed off.

The group fell silent. I looked at my bandmates, who looked angry at the memories, but nodded.

“This is a long story, so don’t interrupt. When Mack was 13 she was very different than what she is now. She partied hard, she drank all the time, she chain-smoked and she dyed her hair crazy colours. None of us knew her that well because of the age difference, but Logan has had an on-off thing with Mack’s sister Lisa for years because Lisa is our age and we all went to the same high school, so he’d seen Mack in passing. When Mack was just 15, she met a guy called Joseph. Hardcore partier, tattoos, into deathcore metal,” I started.

“Joseph is the ultimate dickhead,” Reece growled.

“We’re friends with Joseph’s older brother Tommy, as he’s Mack’s sister Lisa’s best friend, so we knew what Joseph was like. He was no good for Mack, everyone knew that, but she loved him. At Tommy’s New Years Eve party when Mack was 16, four years ago, Joseph raped her. She was too drunk to push him away, but Tommy heard her screams and protests and kicked the door down, before punching his brother unconscious. Mack took a rape test to put Joseph in jail, which he did go to jail for, and she found out she was pregnant. Mack doesn’t believe in abortion, so she kept Jasmine and finished her sophomore year, dropping out of school for the next year to look after Jasmine,” I continued.

“Mack came into my study hall a year later to repeat the Junior year she’d missed and we became instant friends. I’d seen heard of the infamous Mackenzie Wilmot in my freshman year, obviously she wasn’t there for my sophomore year, but this was not the girl I knew in Junior year. She was quiet, reserved and mature, with bleach blonde hair and conservative clothes. She barely drank, never partied and only focused on her school work and her part-time jobs, which I eventually learnt were to support Jasmine,” Taylor added.

“When Mack opened up to Taylor about what happened with Joseph, she introduced her to us, seeing as we knew Tommy and her sister, and had heard about the rape. We all vowed to protect Mack from there on, and we worked so fucking hard to get her to trust us and open up to us too. Mack changed because of what that fucker did to her,” Logan said angrily.

“Mack sacrifices everything for Jasmine. 90% of her money, all her time and all her love. We all chip in for child care where we can, as does Tommy because he feels responsible for his little shit of a brother, but Mack would do anything for Jasmine. Including keeping her out of the public eye. That’s why she never tells anyone about her daughter. Because she’s fucking protecting her,” I finished.

Deep silence fell over the group, sadness surrounding them.

“I can’t believe all that happened to her. Mack is one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met,” Nate said softly.

“She doesn’t want sympathy, so don’t ever let her see it. She’s built up a wall to protect herself from ever getting hurt again. That’s why we all fucking warned you against trying anything with her. Mack lives for her daughter and this band. No-one and nothing else,” I said firmly.

“And there I was thinking she was a lesbian,” Gabe said weakly.

Never Regret snorted.

“What?” Taylor giggled.

Gabe blushed lightly.

“Suarez, Ryland and I overheard Mack talking on the phone a few weeks back. We heard her talking to someone called ‘Jasmine’, saying stuff like I love you, I miss you, I should be helping you get dressed, baby girl and so on. We thought she was talking to her girlfriend,” Gabe said guiltily.

“Is that why you’ve all been looking at her weirdly?” Logan mused.

“Maybe?” Alex offered.

“She’s going to love this,” Reece laughed loudly.

I noticed that Michael was very quiet, and that he looked thoughtful. But I didn’t say anything, because Michael is the one person that I trust not to hurt Mackenzie out of everyone here. I just hope I’m right.

*

[Mackenzie Wilmot]

“So that’s my bus!” I said with a smile.

“I don’t know how you can live on here. It’s pretty tiny,” Lisa chuckled, sitting down on a couch.

“I make do,” I shrugged, sitting down too.

Jasmine sat in my lap too, curling up against me. I smiled affectionately at my daughter, taking the flower out of my hair as I wrapped an arm around her and put it in hers. She gasped and grinned, clapping her hands together excitedly.

“How are you doing, Mack?” my mom asked softly.

“I’m okay. I mean, I don’t know how great I’m going to be facing everyone after this, but I’ll live,” I said simply.

“You always sacrifice yourself, Mack. I’m glad you’ve got your band to get away from it all,” Lisa frowned.

“Jasmine is my life. Why else would I do what I do?” I shrugged, running my fingers through Jasmine’s unruly curls.

“I worry about you being lonely. You haven’t opened your heart up to anyone and it’s been a long time,” my mom said seriously.

“I don’t want to open my heart to anyone, mom. I don’t need to,” I said firmly.

“What about that cute guy I saw you walking towards your bus with? He looked good enough to eat,” Lisa grinned, wriggling her eyebrows.

“Why does Auntie Lisa want to eat a guy?” Jasmine frowned up at me, her innocent blue eyes shining with confusion.

“Auntie Lisa was only joking. She’s being silly,” I reassured my 4 year old.

“Silly Auntie Lisa,” Jasmine giggled.

We all laughed.

“Michael’s just a friend. We get on really well, that’s all,” I said with a smile.

“Oh you so like him!” Lisa gasped.

“Do not!” I retorted, unable to stop a slight blush coming to my cheeks.

“Girls,” my mom warned, chuckling.

“If you don’t want him, can I have him? It’s been a long time since I’ve had a man,” Lisa asked innocently.

I covered my daughter’s ears, narrowing my eyes.

“Really? I could’ve sworn I heard interesting noises coming from Logan’s room the day before tour started when you dropped me off at his apartment,” I challenged.

Lisa blushed deeply and my mom laughed loudly, so I uncovered Jasmine’s ears.

“Was Auntie Lisa being rude?” Jasmine frowned.

“Yes, she was. Very rude,” I nodded.

“Bad Auntie!” Jasmine scolded.

Lisa faked being upset, making Jasmine jump off my lap and run over to her, hugging her leg to say sorry. I just laughed, a warm feeling filling up my heart.

“I’ve missed you all so much,” I said with a sad smile.

“We’ve missed you too,” my mom said softly.

“But we know you’re rocking out to provide for Jasmine, so it’s cool,” Lisa smiled.

Jasmine climbed back into my lap, her fingers playing with the flower in her hair.

“Just remember to live a little, yeah Mack? You’re so young, I don’t want you to lose that. Jasmine’s not going to be any less your daughter if you have some fun,” my mom said seriously.

I chewed my bottom lip, but nodded.

“I’ll try,” I said quietly.

“Good. Now, let’s go and meet your new friends properly, yes?” my mom prompted.

I just smiled and nodded, lifting Jasmine off my lap and holding her hand as we left the bus. I held my breath as everyone looked at us, hating the sympathy in their eyes. I don’t want their sympathy.

“Which one of you is...Michael?” Jasmine asked loudly.

“Uh, me?” Michael said, unsure.

“My Auntie wants to eat you, but I don’t know why,” Jasmine said simply.

We all burst into laughter, Lisa just blushing deeply as she did. I love my daughter’s bluntness sometimes. She gets that from her father. I smiled as Logan mockingly glared at Michael, pulling Lisa close against his body.

“The only man she’ll be eating is me,” Logan growled, licking my sister’s neck.

“Eww!” me, JC, Reece, Taylor and my mom grimaced.

The other bands just looked shocked. I took a deep breath, risking a glance at Michael. Sure enough, he had sympathy in his eyes, but there was also something else I couldn’t place. Something I couldn’t identify. I didn’t like that so I broke the contact. This was too much in one day for me.