Promise Me This; Never Let Go

The sun had set long ago. The moon was high, king of the night sky. Along with the moon came all the stars that lit up only in the darkness. I read somewhere that without the darkness; you would never have the stars. Someone else then explained to me that without the horrid obstacles, you would never overcome to see the happiness that’s always past the sadness.

As I looked up at the "balls of gas burning millions of miles away", a quote from The Lion King, I couldn't help but to feel that I hadn't overcome the darkness yet. Somewhere out there, Matt was sitting there, looking up at the sky along with me. Then again, how would I know? I'm here in Aruba, and Matt could be anywhere in the world as well.

This little island is too beautiful. I still can't believe Rafael decided to take us here for our honeymoon. I should've expected something like this from him, sure, but I'm still surprised. Many people do in fact come here for a romantic getaway...

I feel guilty now. I'm supposed to spend all my time with Rafael with no other person or thing on my mind. Yet, I'm out here on this balcony thinking about my best friend. What else can I do? It's my fault why Matt is heartbroken. My best friend has been in love with me since we were teenagers. I can't even begin to imagine how he must've felt all these years when he would have to endure my public tender moments with Rafael. It is no wonder why Matt hasn't had a girlfriend since high school.

"Baby, why don't you come inside and spend time with me?"

I tore my view away from the stars to look at my husband. He had just taken a shower and only had a towel wrapped around his lower half. I smiled shyly at him. It was cute that he was actually trying to seduce me. He never had to, but the idea is cute.

Rafael walked towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He obviously hadn't dried himself off after his shower because the sundress I was wearing was beginning to cling to my body. I sighed and hugged him back. Even after taking a shower, his body temperature remained at the same temperature it always was. The warmth was very comforting.

"Rafael," I muttered. A throaty sound emitted from his throat. It wasn't of annoyance, it was more of a "Yes, what would you like to tell me?" Therefore, I swallowed the growing lump in my throat, hoping it would go away. It didn't, but I continued on, "I want to talk to Matt."

He sighed, his shoulder drooping as he let out a breath. Wordlessly, he unwound his arms from me and reached for my hand. I let him take the lead, wanting to know what he was planning.

We stepped inside the hotel room. He closed the sliding door, locked it behind him, and pulled the curtains over to block out any intruders who felt the need to be nosy. Although, people watching us was nearly impossible. Our suite faced the beach and we were up by four stories. You'd have to be Spiderman to see us.

Rafael sat me down on the comfortable bed and kneeled in front of me. He leaned his body forward against me since my legs were on either side of his body. His hands reached for the sides of my face, caressing my cheeks with his rough thumbs. My eyes closed as I reveled in the touch. Times like these when he was so intimate and affectionate with me were so perfect.

I forgot that I wanted to talk to Matt until Rafael began talking. "Belleza, this is our honeymoon. I want you to enjoy it with me."

"I'm trying to have fun, but it's so hard. I really need to talk to Matt," I whined softly. I didn't want to start another argument and make him angry with me.

He sighed and rested his head against my chest. We stayed like that for a long time. I listened to the ocean outside our room.

Why should I keep wishing that I could speak to Matt when I knew the result of this? I know I won't be able to talk to him. He needs me to comfort him, even if I am the person that's hurting him. He probably thinks I'm laughing and ignoring him because I haven't called yet.

"Why do you need to speak to him? Would that not make it worse?" Rafael mumbled.

My patience is gone as of now. "This is Matt we're talking about!" I seethed, standing up so suddenly that Rafael lost his balance and fell backwards. Lucky for him, his arms stopped his fall. "I know my best friend. It's hard for him to discuss his feelings and he poured his heart out to me, he poured his heart out to everyone. I have to call him, to talk to him, to make him better."

I began crying at the end of my little speech and dropped back onto the bed. I didn't stop the tears that took control of my body. I had been holding them in since after the wedding reception. Even that felt so long ago. Remembering the reception made me remember what Ken told me while we had our brother/sister dance. He told me that he liked Matt and me together as a couple more.

It still stabs at me that everyone, possibly even my own parents, wanted me to end up with Matt, and voiced their opinions so quickly. However, when it came to Rafael and me, all I ever heard was how he was bad for me. It was always that he changed me, I don't spend enough time with anyone else, and my whole attention revolved only around him. I have no idea if that is true or not, but either way, no one had the guts to tell me this until it was too late. No one told me until I fell in love with him. I don't think it matters anyways. I repaired broken friendships before it was too late.

These sad thoughts whirled around in my head, making me cry harder. What kind of crappy honeymoon is this? We're supposed to have the time of our lives and I'm crying. This isn't "perfect."

"Now, now, do not cry." His large hands reached my shoulders and lifted my face from the sheets. There was now a visible pool of liquid on the periwinkle sheets. I sniffled and wiped at my eyes.

"I'm sorry I'm ruining this," I whispered, hugging him.

"It is perfectly alright. Now,” he began, lifting my chin so we were looking into each other's eyes, "how about you talk to Matt when we get back to the States? You can take all the time you want with him."

I wiped at my tired eyes. "Really?"

He nodded. "I just want you to be happy."

"Okay," I agreed.

"Good. You have been too stressed for my liking. I shall draw you a bubble bath."

I didn't have time to protest as Rafael cradled the back of my neck with his left arm and hooked his right arm underneath my legs. He walked slowly into the bathroom, sat me down on the edge of the tub as he turned on the faucets, and tossed a few of the complimentary bath salts into the slowly rising water. When the water seemed to reach a level that satisfied him, he looked over his shoulder at me and smiled. I smiled back, feeling my heart accelerate at something simple as his smile.

"Take your time. After you are done, come back into the bedroom. I will give you a massage," he instructed.

I raised an eyebrow. "You do know the hotel offers them for free?"

"I do, but I want to give you one." After that, he winked at me. Wow, someone was thinking naughty tonight.