Promise Me This; Never Let Go

I wasn't too sure why but Franchesa preferred to stay here. I don't like it here. Sure, her hotel room is nice and all, but I feel trapped! Although, she did say something about the privacy. What did I care if other people saw us together? She said so herself she has connections to make those pictures magically disappear.

"Matty, it's for my sake," she would say. "The media on my ass isn't worth it."

This made me think. While she was making smoothies, I sat down and thought. I don't usually do this since I cherish all the time I get to spend with her, but those words always replay in my head.

"Franchesa," she shut the blender off and turned towards my direction. "Why isn't it worth it?"

She looked puzzled until she figured out what I was talking about. A guilty frown appeared on her face.

I waited patiently as she poured the banana-strawberry mix into two cups, picked them up, walked around the island towards me, put the cups down, and took the stool next to me. I took a sip of the smoothie, finding that it tasted good with a tangy taste. After that, I rested my eyes on Franchesa. She was looking into the depths of her cup, so concentrated it looked like she was going to shoot laser beams out of her eyes.

"I don't want him to find out," she said timidly. It was quiet all around us, and even then, I had a difficult time hearing her.

"Sorry, could you repeat that?" I asked, leaning to the left.

She rolled her eyes. "I do not want Rafael to find out."

My jaw tightened as I ground my teeth together. I shouldn't have asked. You know, there's some things I wish I never said out loud. These would be one of those moments because I knew as soon as I opened my mouth; I wouldn't be able to stop. "Why not? I don't see how it's fair that he gets to have you any time he wants, but when I get a little time with you, it's never enough. We have to sneak around and shit. I hate it. I feel dirty for you. If I'm talking about myself, I don't care. I want you, I need you, I love you."

Great, it took all that to make her raise here eyes from her drink. She decided to bring her attention to me. I was already breathing heavily; saying all that brought out my anger and frustration. The look in her eyes told me she was very hurt and was on the brink of crying. I expected her to get angry like me and start yelling back. I didn't expect the waterworks to start right away.

"I'm sorry," she said as she turned her head away.

My eyes were huge and unmoving until I had to blink because the sting of the air stunned me. "What did he do to you? You're all polite. The Fran I knew was rude and a jerk but in a cute and adorable way." I don't know how I went from angry to soft in a minute flat. It did bring a smile out of her.

"Just cause I have to be good in front of the camera doesn't mean I changed."

'Keep lying to yourself, sweetheart.'

I licked my lips and smirked at her. She raised an eyebrow the exact same moment I leaned forward to kiss her. This is a second attempt, it better work!

"What are you doing?"

My plan fails again. How many times do I have to go through this before she gives in?

"I was going to kiss you," I sighed, exasperated.

"Matty." No, she didn't just call me by that name. "I'm still married. I can't cheat on my husband, it's wrong."

I groaned dramatically, resting the side of my right cheek in the palm of my hand. I hate how right she is. I would do anything for a kiss since I've been daydreaming about that moment for years, but being faithful in a relationship is a very sacred thing.

"Why don't you get a divorce?" That was the main thing that was always on my mind whenever I thought about her. If she was so happy and wanted me, why not divorce and then have her happiness with me?

Before I could even inhale, she answered, "I can't."

You can imagine my anger. "Why?"

"Where will I go? I have no permanent home. After I married him, I started touring with him."

I didn't think she put much thought into this, but it seems that she has. I think she's been looking for a way out for a long time. I could be wrong since she's never said anything about her marriage with him.

I swallowed. "Come live with me."

That fire in her eyes dulled. She shook her head and sighed halfheartedly. "And then you'll go on tour like he does. I'll be alone all over again."

I stopped in my tracks. She's afraid to be alone, in the physical and emotional sense. It was that moment that I noticed something. What would it have been like if we were the It couple, and not her with that Spaniard? Wouldn't she go through the same thing as she is now, minus a love triangle?

What's the price of having the one I want so badly? I get her, but she gets me after I'm away for a year.