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The Life of a Teenager
I Said No
Standing in front of the mirror with tears rapidly working their way down my cheeks. I trace the parts that you've touched. My heart aches whenever I remember the night that I lost my innocence. The person standing in front of me is stained, unusually unclean. Pain is written across her face, blood streaming down her wrist onto the white carpet. Pain is the only key to her sanity.
Remember the night I was with you made me feel queasy. I'm still frightened as it is, this memory will haunt me forever. The same feeling I had that night flooded my whole body - weak, helpless, and voiceless.
Everyday, I find myself wishing things that would've never crossed my mind before. Never did I think that I would wish someone to jump off the cliff and rot in hell. I wish I never let you into my life.
Each day, I grow stronger. Each passing day, I find myself asking HIM less and less to ease the pain. With each new day, I don't find myself crying to HIM as much, begging him to rid my soul of the disease you've contaminated my mind with; a sickness in my heart that provokes me to want to curl up and die, knowing it could haunt me for the rest of my life.
Each day, I find myself getting more and more addicted to the pain as the blade slices through my skin. I find myself drinking and smoking to ease the pain. Everyday, I find myself believe HIM less.
But some days, I'm back at the starting line. I'm on my knees, crying and pleading with all my heart, and all of what's left of my soul, for HIM to give me my life back. To give me back who I was, who I still wanted to be. I beg HIM for forgiveness, to allow my body to belong to myself once again, and that this time I will treat it right.
And then I cry because I find myself placing the blame on me. Not on you, but me. I knew better, yet I still went to your place that night. Who am I to point the finger at you for taking my life away from me? Who am I to point the fingers at many man I loved to see me for what he's done? Who am I to blame you for wanting me the way a man longs for a woman's warmth?
NO.
I will not let who I was bring me down. I've made my mistakes, and I know I will pay for them, but I do not deserve this. I did not deserve to lose something so precious. Even if I can't blame you or hate you, just the thought of you is enough. Enough to bring me to my knees. Enough to remind me of the pain. Enough to make me understand that you took something away from me that I can never ever take back again.
Give me my innocence back, please.
I know we're supposed to forgive... But how can I when you don't even realize what you've done wrong?
God, give me the strength that I may overcome this someday. That this pain in my heart from years ago will cease to exist and I may one day understand that it will come to pass.
It's been two years. But I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I hope that you understand,
I SAID NO!
If we ever meet again, I wish you would see the scar that you've left in my heart. I hope that my pain-stricken face will send guilt all through out your body. I wish that a double-edged knife would stab your heart every time I slice my body with a thin blade. One day, I hope that you get high off my hatred.
Remember the night I was with you made me feel queasy. I'm still frightened as it is, this memory will haunt me forever. The same feeling I had that night flooded my whole body - weak, helpless, and voiceless.
Everyday, I find myself wishing things that would've never crossed my mind before. Never did I think that I would wish someone to jump off the cliff and rot in hell. I wish I never let you into my life.
Each day, I grow stronger. Each passing day, I find myself asking HIM less and less to ease the pain. With each new day, I don't find myself crying to HIM as much, begging him to rid my soul of the disease you've contaminated my mind with; a sickness in my heart that provokes me to want to curl up and die, knowing it could haunt me for the rest of my life.
Each day, I find myself getting more and more addicted to the pain as the blade slices through my skin. I find myself drinking and smoking to ease the pain. Everyday, I find myself believe HIM less.
But some days, I'm back at the starting line. I'm on my knees, crying and pleading with all my heart, and all of what's left of my soul, for HIM to give me my life back. To give me back who I was, who I still wanted to be. I beg HIM for forgiveness, to allow my body to belong to myself once again, and that this time I will treat it right.
And then I cry because I find myself placing the blame on me. Not on you, but me. I knew better, yet I still went to your place that night. Who am I to point the finger at you for taking my life away from me? Who am I to point the fingers at many man I loved to see me for what he's done? Who am I to blame you for wanting me the way a man longs for a woman's warmth?
NO.
I will not let who I was bring me down. I've made my mistakes, and I know I will pay for them, but I do not deserve this. I did not deserve to lose something so precious. Even if I can't blame you or hate you, just the thought of you is enough. Enough to bring me to my knees. Enough to remind me of the pain. Enough to make me understand that you took something away from me that I can never ever take back again.
Give me my innocence back, please.
I know we're supposed to forgive... But how can I when you don't even realize what you've done wrong?
God, give me the strength that I may overcome this someday. That this pain in my heart from years ago will cease to exist and I may one day understand that it will come to pass.
It's been two years. But I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I hope that you understand,
I SAID NO!
If we ever meet again, I wish you would see the scar that you've left in my heart. I hope that my pain-stricken face will send guilt all through out your body. I wish that a double-edged knife would stab your heart every time I slice my body with a thin blade. One day, I hope that you get high off my hatred.