He Won't Be Coming Home

It was a Saturday, the famed day of relaxation, and we were all gathered at my house trying to achieve that very relaxation. Lord knows we all needed it, with Zacky's passing being only about two weeks prior. None of us had really gotten over it, especially Sarah, but then again I don't think it was really expected of us to move on so quickly.

Because of the crushing feeling we all felt at the mention of Zack alone, we had neglected to inform any of the press, though I was amazed word hadn't somehow leaked out in the music world. We needed our own time for grieving before the rest of the planet needed to know, so we waited, finally giving press releases on the information.

I took a seat down on one of the couches in the living room after getting a glass of water from the kitchen, looking at the television set that we were all gathered around as the screen flickered, the channels changing rapidly. I sighed and looked over and Jimmy who had the remote in his hand only to see him looking boredly at the screen. Angela was sat next to him quietly, her hand on his leg.

"Jimmy..." I said monotonously, and he looked over.

"What?"

"How do you plan on finding something to watch when you don't stay on a channel long enough to see what's on?" I asked, and I couldn't help but let a little chuckle slip past my lips. He only replied with a half hearted smile before looking back at the TV.

"There's nothing interesting on anyways, he said with a sigh, and then passed the remote to Sarah who was sat on his other side. After handing it over, Jimmy stood and silently exited the room, heading to the bathroom.

"Do you guys care what I put on?" Sarah asked the rest of us quietly, and we all shook our heads. "Okay." She began flipping through a few channels before automatically putting it right to FUSE, which none of us had a problem with.

"And we're back, here on Steven's Untitled Rock Show," Steven said to the room, but the look on his face was one that seemed more somber than normal. "And for those of us just joining us, we're doing our show today in remembrance of guitarist Zacky Vengeance of Avenged Sevenfold."

I heard Sarah sigh and she raised the hand with the remote, ready to change the channel.

"No, wait," Jimmy said from the doorway, and we all turned to look at him. "Leave it here... I want to see this."

Reluctantly, Sarah placed the remote back in her lap as we all became fixated on the screen again.

"We recently received news of the musician's tragic and untimely death from friends and family. Zack was stationed over in Iraq due to the draft earlier this year along with front man M. Shadows," Steven said into the camera. He then turned his head to the side and began talking to Lars Ulrich, who was sat on the couch.

"We have Lars here from Metallica, who called us up and said that he had something to say," Steven said, and the camera then changed over to Lars.

"Yeah, Avenged has toured with us a few time, and I really got to know each of the guys. Zack was a pretty cool person with his quirky little things he would say at the drop of a hat. He was a really talented guy and it really is very unfortunate for the music world to lose such a young icon."

"I know from all the times I've met and interviewed the band that Zacky was just... such a nice guy. Now," Steven then said, turning back to the camera from Lars. "We here at Steven's Untitled Rock Show have put together a little video of the late Mr. Vengeance in honor of his life and untimely passing. Check it out..."

The screen then faded to black, and "Seize the Day" began playing in the background before photos of Zack came to the screen, one after another, after another. Shots from music videos, televised interview, award shows, concerts, photo shoots all flooded the screen in procession, only being separated every now and then by video clips from the DVD and MVI of Zack and his antics. Near the end of the song, the music faded out a little and another clip began to play.

"And the winner for Best Naked Ass in a music video is... M. Shadows!" Zacky said, and I couldn't help but let a small laugh through the tears that had gathered in my eyes and had begun falling down my cheeks.

With only a few more moments of the song left, the screen faded to black again, only to be replaced by a photo of Zack and his guitar. At the bottom of the photo the words 'Zacky Vengeance' appeared, followed by the year he was born and the year he died.

"Zack will truly be missed by all of us here at FUSE and Steven's Untitled Rock Show, and we all wish the best of luck to the family and friends and also to the family of M. Shadows. We hope that he comes home soon and stays safe. We'll be back after these commercials," Steven said solemnly, and then the show faded out to be replaced by an ad.

Shakily Sarah reached up and shut off the TV. I snuffled, and when I looked around to the rest of my friends, I realized they too had tears in their eyes. I glanced up at Jimmy, who was still standing in the doorway, only to see his eyes set to the floor and his head down, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe. Even though he was trying to hide it, I could still see the tears leaking from his eyes.

I heard movement from across the room and looked over to see Johnny hastily standing from his position on the loveseat, furiously wiping his eyes as he made his way quickly from the room. I heard the front door open and slam, and knew that he had left. Glancing nervously at Diane, I watched as she too silently stood and followed Johnny, being completely quiet as she went.

Sarah was the next to go, as she placed the remote to the TV on the coffee table with a clatter and made her way to her feet. She left the living room with tears leaking profusely from her eyes and I heard the pattering of her feet on the stairs as she ascended to the second floor.

All that was left was Brian, Kate, Angela, Jimmy and myself. Next to me, Brian had Kate in his arms as she silently cried into his shoulder. He was equally as silent, tears gleaming on his cheeks as he just looked straight forward, a hand on Kate's back in attempts to soothe her aching heart. Jimmy finally mved from his place and sat down next to Angela, who he comforted as well.

I was all alone in this it seemed. I had my friends, sure, but how was I supposed to expect them to take care of me and my sorrow if they had their own to worry about? I just wished Matt were there, sitting next to me with his strong, warm arms wrapped around me as he rocked me back and forth. I just wished I had a shoulder to cry on, like Kate had with Brian.

Brian glanced over at me after coming out of his little trance when he heard me sniffle. My eyes caught his, my pain matching his own, and I completely lost it, sobbing into my own hands.

Already we had lost Zacky. I couldn't afford to lose Matt. I couldn't handle even more pan or stress, especially not with the baby that was still steadily growing inside me. I just needed Matt.