Rome and Julie

~Rome~

I ran outside, the feeling of Julie’s sobs shaking my body still crawling on my skin. I never wanted to have to hold her again because she was truly crying. The feeling was haunting.

Jeremy sat in his car, holding the steering wheel with one hand, other holding the icepack to his face, and staring straight ahead. I wanted to hit him, and/or kill him. He didn’t deserve to have Julie cry over him. He manipulated her, making her feel bad, even thought he and I both knew she did absolutely nothing wrong. I should’ve killed him. But I decided that I wouldn’t put Julie through that.

I walked cautiously over to Jeremy’s car, standing outside the driver’s side door, waiting. For a while, Jeremy didn’t acknowledge my presence and that I was waiting for him. But then, finally, he rolled down the window. I decided, for Julie’s sake, to start out with a mature approach.

“I’m sorry for breaking your nose, man,” I said, looking down at him. I couldn’t help but notice Jeremy’s jaw clench.

“No, you’re not,” He sneered, turned his head to glare at me. I knew he was right. I wasn’t sorry. He’d kissed my Julie. That was unforgivable.

“For Julie’s sake, yeah, I am. Because I care about her enough to put my feelings aside and think about her. How she feels. That’s more than you can say.”

“Well you know what, Rome? I love her. I love Julie. Do you? Huh? Do you love Julie?” Jeremy pressed, striking me silent. Did I love her? I had just figured out that I had more-than-friend feelings for her not so long ago. “See? You don’t,” Jeremy muttered after my stunned silence.

“Don’t tell me how I feel about Jules. That’s none of your concern,” I said in a low voice, hearing the clear anger lacing my words.

“Your being defensive only shows that you know I’m right. And you and I both know that if you weren’t in the picture, Julie would be with me,” Jeremy stated, glaring at me with pure loathing.

“I doubt that.” I crossed my arms over my chest, wishing more than anything that Jeremy would leave Julie alone, and be satisfied that she only loved him as a brother. But it was Jeremy we were talking about. He liked to make things as difficult as possible for everyone else if he wasn’t getting his way. And no matter what, I was going to make sure that in the end, he didn’t get his way. Because that meant getting Julie.

“Rome, you don’t understand,” Jeremy said, sounding vulnerable for the first time in our conversation. I didn’t say anything, and just waited for him to continue. “You got her, Rome. You can’t see it from my view, because you got her.” His voice was so soft, that I could hardly hear the words brushing past his lips. “Just imagine, her picking me. How would that make you feel? How would that make you feel?” I was silent still, unable to speak. I didn’t want to imagine Jules picking Jeremy. I knew she never would, since she and I had been engaged her whole life. Not to mention that Julie wasn’t exactly a sucker for love. “Can you blame me for trying, Rome? Honestly?” Jeremy said, looking more crestfallen and less like a prick the more words that came from his mouth.

“No, Jeremy. I don’t. But you could’ve used your words to try, rather than kissing her. You had to have known that that wasn’t going to go over well with her. And then you make her feel bad, even though she did nothing wrong.”

“She deserves to feel bad! If she didn’t before, then that would’ve been a little heartless, don’t you think?”

“No, I don’t. She can’t help that she doesn’t love you, so she shouldn’t feel bad for something she cannot control. Even though she told you that, you still couldn’t respect her enough to just back off,” I pointed out, watching as Jeremy’s expression fall, and realization that he was wrong come over him.

“And what if you were in my position? Would you have backed off?” Jeremy said, staring hard at me.

“Yeah. I would’ve, Jeremy. Because I care enough about her to put her feelings first,” I answered without hesitation. “That’s the truth,” I added when I saw his disbelieving expression.

“Do you love her?”

I felt my stomach drop at his words, and again, I didn’t know what to say.

“Answer me, Rome. I need to know,” Jeremy said softly, almost pleading with me. I swallowed, and let a heavy sigh escape lips.

“I don’t know, Jeremy.” My head dropped a bit, and I felt ashamed. But I didn’t know what love was, or how to tell those things. I knew, though, that if I ever loved anyone, it’d be Jules. She deserved all the love in the world.

“Well guess what? I do. I love her without a goddamned doubt. And that hurts me just as much, if not more, than Julie rejecting me. She chose you, a guy who doesn’t love her, over me. And I’d make her happy for the rest of her life. I know I would.” Jeremy paused to take a breath and slow down. “And you’re just with her for the business. That’s how it’s sick to me that she’s dumb enough to fall for you. I mean, I think everyone knew this would happen eventually.”

“What do you mean?” I questioned, noticing how Jeremy’s words kept contradicting themselves.

“Any idiot could tell Jules was falling for you. And I’m talking since you guys were little. She’s always looked up to you for some reason. You’ve always been her whole world. Were you dumb and oblivious enough not to realize that? Are you stupid enough not to realize how damn lucky you are?” I couldn’t project words from my mouth as Jeremy’s words set into my mind. “If Julie went to a public school, you’d be screwed. Guys would be lined up down the block for her. But you got lucky enough to keep her to yourself. Have you ever appreciated that? Huh?”

“What does all of this have anything to do with you kissing Julie?” I said loudly, feeling anger building within my chest. The anger, I hated to admit, was caused by the little voice in my head telling me that Jeremy was right. And I’d never appreciated Julie enough.

“Everything! You don’t appreciate having her, or getting so damn lucky, and it drives me fucking insane! Because I know I would. And obviously I don’t stand a chance against her knight in shining armor who doesn’t appreciate her, and doesn’t even find the courage to love her.” His voice quieted as he finished speaking, and for a while, we just sat in silence, letting everything we’d said between us run through our heads. “I’ve always had suspicions that she was in love with you, despite what she said,” Jeremy whispered, almost so soft that I didn’t hear him.

“What?”

“Now it’s confirmed. By everything,” Jeremy continued, ignoring my small interjection. I tried again, even though I had the feeling he wasn’t going to listen or answer me.

“What?”

“Go get Jules for me, will you? I’ve gotta get going,” Jeremy informed me, looking up. My mouth opened, and I had the intention of saying something, but all words dried up and died in my throat.

Finally, feeling like a gaping goldfish, I turned towards the house, and started towards it. The cold nipping at my exposed skin compelled me to stick my hands in my pockets and tuck my chin into my chest to protect me from its bite.

When I reached the front door, I hurried inside, and hurriedly shut it behind me. While talking to Jeremy, I hadn’t even realized how cold I was.

Upon entry into the living room, I saw Maggie sitting beside Julie, the former having her arm wrapped around the latter in comfort. I could tell they’d been talking by the way they quieted when they noticed my arrival.

“Jules?” I questioned, all the while checking her from head to toe for any signs of crying. Her eyes were still slightly puffy from before, but since I left, as far as I could tell, no more tears had fallen. “Jeremy’s waiting for you in his car outside.”

Julie hesitated, and shifted a bit on the couch. The internal conflict going through her mind was easily visible as it reflected in her eyes. I could tell she was nervous by the way she was wringing her hands in her lap and biting her bottom lip. She looked so cute, that for a moment, I forgot what I was supposed to be doing.

“Do I need to tell him to leave?” I questioned, snapping back into the present. Julie sniffed and lifted her chin a little, the pride that she always exhibited towards me finally shining through.

“No. I’m gonna go talk to him,” Julie said, her voice shaky despite the newfound strength her words suggested. She lifted herself off the couch, paused a moment, and then began walking. I offered her a smile as she passed me, and she returned it, though her typically bright and beautiful eyes looked too dull for her smile to be genuine.

I remembered Maggie, and went to sit by her on the couch. She immediately began to talk when we could hear the front door open and close.

“He really loves her, Rome. In his own, weird way, he does.” Swallowing hard, I nodded in dismal agreement, although it seemed like the absolute hardest thing in the world to do. I could tell Jeremy loved her, in his own, asshole-ish way. “And even if she doesn’t know it yet, Julie loves you.”

My stomach churned uncomfortable and may or may not have dropped a million miles beneath the Earth’s surface at Maggie’s words, and I didn’t bother to try and force out a reply. I knew I’d fail.

“You make her happy, Rome. And even though this all started out as being purely for reasons that weren’t connected to you and Julie being in love, you’d be surprised at where it could go. You guys have resisted anything that could lead to something more than friendship, because you’re both full of pride and have a rebel spirit in you, and your parents kept pushing the idea at you over and over. But you know what, Rome? It’s time you and Julie block out everyone else and grow up. Forget about everything that’s sabotaging how you feel about Julie. You want the best for her, right?”

“Of course,” I answered without hesitation. I felt slightly mesmerized and like I was under a spell, feeling a mix between being drunk and being a kid who was currently being taught a valuable lesson about life.

“Then do that. Give her the love she deserves, and show the love you deserve to show. Julie’s been anti-love almost her whole life, and everyone needs a chance at love.” Maggie paused, her eyes scanning my face as though she was searching for something. “Do you love Julie?” I immediately averted my gaze from Maggie’s eyes, off to somewhere on the floor. Why was everyone asking me that?

“I really don’t know, Maggie. I mean, I just realized that I liked Julie as more than a sister not so long ago, not to mention I’ve never loved someone, so I’m not sure how to tell those types of things—”

“It’s okay, Rome,” Maggie said, laughing lightly. It released a pressure in my chest, and for that I was immediately thankful towards Maggie. “You’re young. You’ve got time with her to figure it out. Just don’t do something stupid and let her go,” Maggie said, and I nodded my head. This was getting slightly awkward, but somehow I knew that I needed to have this conversation with someone.

“I’d never let her go unless that was what she wanted. I realize how lucky I am to have her now. She’s perfect in her own weird, disgusting way,” I said, getting another laugh out of the both of us. “Although, I do feel extreme sympathy for her right now. It’s Christmas Day, and she thinks she’s done something wrong for getting angry at Jeremy for kissing her.”

“It’s just the way Julie is. You know her. Probably better than anyone. She’s always been that way,” Maggie said, and I knew she was right. “Well, I’ve got to go check on Robert. You gonna be okay?” I nodded as she got off the couch. “Okay. Good luck.” Maggie then proceeded to leave, leaving me wondering what she meant by ‘good luck.’

Unable to resist, I lifted myself off the couch, over to the window, where I looked out over to Jeremy’s car. I saw Julie, standing where I was just a few moments before. Her arms were wrapped around herself, and she didn’t have on a jacket over the hoody I’d brought her at the park. She was saying something to Jeremy, but I couldn’t read her lips. Her breath, however, was visible. I mentally scorned her for not getting another jacket. Julie was going to get sick.

Suddenly, Julie leaned down and kissed Jeremy on the forehead. I felt my fists clench involuntarily, and when I realized what I was doing, I uncurled them slowly. Then Julie said, “I’m sorry.” That one I could read. Julie smiled sadly as Jeremy said something in return. Then she said, “Merry Christmas, Jeremy.” Julie turned slowly. I quickly turned from the window and went back to the couch, and sat down, waiting for Julie to return.