I Love Alex Gaskarth

I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to my precious little girl...it killed me. I couldn't let her go...Now I know how Alex felt...

Just thinking about him makes me want to hit something.

I rolled my eyes and continued to pack as Maddie stared at me.

"Mommy, where are you going?" She asked in her sweet little voice.

"Just...away for a little while." I told her.

"Why?" She whimpered as I stopped packing and Troy came into the room and leaned in the doorway.

"Marcy...what are you doing?" He sighed as tears stung my eyes.

"Just shut the fuck up. And let's not talk about this in front of her..." I whispered to him as I pulled him out of my bedroom and into the hallway.

"Where are you going?" He whispered as I shrugged and rolled my eyes.

"I'm just going on a short break..." I mumbled.

"For how long?"

"About a month?" I whispered as his eyes popped out of his sockets.

"To where?"

"Just...to L.A. maybe. I want to visit my old friends and stuff." I spoke softly.

"What old friends? Those mothers who lost their babies? No, Marcy! I'm coming with you. You're going to run away and like never come back." He chuckled as I shook my head and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Troy, I'm coming back...I just need a break." I sighed.

"What about Maddie? And Alex?" He said as I gulped and clenched my fists.

"I don't want to talk about him. Maddie likes Alex better then me anyway..." I said as Maddie stared up at us and my mouth parted slightly.

"Maddie..." I paused as her eyes filled with tears.

"I wuv you just wike I wuv daddy!" She whined as tears flew down her cheeks and I gave her a look of sympathy.

"Oh...okay." I whispered, kneeling down to her level.

"Well, you're going to stay with daddy for a very long time." I said as she gave me a curious look.

"Where are you going, mommy?" She whispered as I wiped her tears away and tears formed in my eyes again.

"Somewhere..." I sniffed as tears trickled down my cheeks.

She continued to stare at me with sad brown eyes as tears flew down her cheeks again. I pulled her to me as she wrapped her tiny little arms around my neck. I squeezed her tight as Troy bent down to us.

"Don't weave." Maddie sobbed as I sniffed and kissed her cheek as we pulled apart and Troy stared back and fourth at both of us.

"I have to, baby." I whispered, trying to dry all my tears off my cheeks.

"You don't have to, Marcy." Troy shook his head as I shrugged.

"I never did like Baltimore...so why am I here? For a guy who just broke my heart?" I whispered as Maddie rubbed her little eyes.

Troy took Maddie from me as she hung on his hip and I stood up and walked back to my room. I continued to pack as Troy and Maddie watched me.

"You really don't need to leave, Marcy." I heard Troy say as I packed everything I needed in my bags out of frustration.

"Well, I am not staying here." I sniffed as I zipped up my two duffel bags.

Then we heard a knock...someone was at the door.

"Would you get that?" I asked, meeting eyes with Troy as he sat Maddie down on my bed and walked out of my room to go get the door.

"Where is she?" I heard someone say...and that voice sounded so familiar.

It was Alex.

I rolled my eyes and slung my two bags over my shoulder and picked up Maddie as she hung on my hip. I made my way out of my room to see Alex standing there with a look of sympathy in his chocolate brown eyes.

Thunder rolled in the distance and I heard rain pitter patter down lightly on the roof.

"Daddy!" Maddie exclaimed as Alex still looked deep into my eyes.

I swallowed hard and walked passed Alex and hugged Troy lightly and grabbed my car keys. I decided I was going to take Maddie with me. I know I don't have any of the things she needs but as soon as we leave Baltimore I'll take her shopping and get anything she wants from my pay check down at TGI Friday's...

"Marcy, where are you going?" I heard Alex say as I threw open the door to the apartment and walked out. I walked down the long hallway and down the stairs. I opened the door to the front of the apartment and out to the parking lot where it was pouring down rain.

"Marcy!" Alex yelled as I opened the car door to the backseat and put my bags in. I then was getting ready to sit Maddie down and buckle her up but Alex snatched her away from me as the rain poured down on us both as Troy watched from the stairs.

"What the hell are you doing? Where are you taking my daughter?" He breathed as his wet bangs fell into his eyes.

His daughter?

"She's mine too! You had her for three years! Now it's my turn!" I shouted, taking her back as she clung tight to me and sobbed on my shoulder.

"I didn't mean to kiss Lisa! Okay? She came into my house without knocking! I had no fucking clue where you went off to!" Alex yelled at the top of his lungs as I slapped him hard across the face and Maddie cried harder into the crook of my neck.

"You kissed her back though." I said in a hurt voice as he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

I put Maddie into the backseat of my car again and buckled her up as I shut the car door and folded my arms across my chest.

"I am taking her." I mumbled as he leaned in closer to me.

"No you're not. I have a say in this! I'm her fucking dad!" He yelled in my face as Troy was getting ready to come down to us from the stairs.

But then he stopped when he saw me push Alex back away from me.

"Never yell in my face again." I said as he gave me a look of sympathy. We were completely soaked.

Maddie screamed and cried in my car as she stared at us.

I gulped as Alex looked at her with sadness in his brown eyes.

"Daddy!" She screamed as tears ran down her cheeks as my heart split in two.

It was obvious she wanted Alex more then me...because she was closer to him. It hurt me. I wanted her to want me more then him...I know that sounds really fucked up but I felt unwanted.

"Marcy...Don't leave me here. I love you more than anything. You're all I ever wanted." He said, grabbing my hand as I yanked mine out of his.

"Maybe you should've thought of that when you returned the kiss to Lisa." I said as tears stung my eyes.

"Marcy, I was thinking about you the whole time! She wouldn't stop kissing me! I had to kiss her back so she would get off of me!" He exclaimed as I rolled my eyes.

"Stop lying! You enjoyed it! I could tell by the look in your eyes! And you didn't have to kiss her back!" I yelled.

"Are you kidding me right now?!" He shouted as I was getting ready to open the front door to my car so I could get in and pull out of this fucked up place people called Baltimore.

"I love you, Marcy..." He spoke softly as I hit his chest with my fist as he backed up a little.

"You don't love me!" I sobbed. "If you did then you wouldn't have kissed her!"

I cried as Maddie banged on the window, wanting out.

"Daddy!" She screamed at the top of her little lungs as we stopped and looked at her.

"Let her out of your car...please." Alex whispered as I rolled my eyes and tears streamed down my cheeks.

I let Maddie out of the car and took the seat belt off of her.

She hopped out of the car and ran up to Alex as he picked her up and she hung on his hip and wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed into the crook of his neck.

"Daddy." I heard her whimper as he kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back softly as the rain drizzled down on us.

"It's okay. I'm here." He told her as she hugged him tighter.

I swallowed hard.

He was a good dad...I would never be a good mom...but he hurt me! I'm tried of this...He kissed Lisa.

"Marcy, just please...tell me where you're going." He said as I shook my head and continued to cry silently.

Maddie didn't even turn to look at me. I felt as if she hated me now...

Troy just stared in shock.

"I think it would be best if...we weren't together. We were never suppose to be together in the first place." I whispered as Alex shook his head and stared at me. "After all...I hated you in high school! And the only thing that brought us together...was her...And that is all that will be there is her...That's the only reason why we're together. Right? I think that's what you're thinking..."

"No, Marcy! That's not what I'm thinking!" He shouted as I turned to my car and got in slowly as I started it up and Alex came up to my car and he set Maddie down as she stood there , still crying.

"Marcy, don't leave!" Alex yelled as he banged on my car window and I shook my head and backed my car out of it's parking space.

"Mommy!" Maddie screamed bloody murder as I sped out of the parking lot not wanting to hear her scream anymore...

Alex's POV

9:33 p.m.

I heard her sobs from her bedroom as I passed by slowly in the hallway. I stopped before going into my room.

Maddie was taking this real hard...

I gulped and walked slowly into her room. Her little pink night light was on, shining around her pink princess themed room.

She continued to sob as I nibbled my lip and sat down on the edge of the bed by her and sighed.

"Maddie?" I whispered as she cried harder into her pillow.

"It's okay, baby." I whispered again as I rubbed her back but she clutched her pillow tight and cried harder.

"Mommy's not coming back." She whined.

This must have took a toll on her...she's only three-years-old. This is going to scar her fragile mind for a very long time...

"I'm afraid not, babe." I mumbled as she sniffed and looked at me with sadness. I fucked up big time.

"Move over, Rugrat." I half smiled as she moved over and I got up in bed by her and got under the covers, holding her close to me.

"Just close your eyes." I whispered in her ear as she cuddled deeper into my chest.

"Sing me somefing." She said in her baby voice as I chuckled and kissed her warm forehead.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye. It could be for the last time and it's not right...Don't let yourself get in over your head. He said. Alone and far from home we'll find you..." I sang as I put some of her hair behind her little ear.

"Dead, like a candle you burned out. Spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words...Scream to be heard like you needed anymore attention. Throw the bottle break the door and disappear..." I sung in a whisper as she sniffed and hugged me tight.

"Sing me to sleep...I'll see you in my dreams. Waiting to say...I miss you, I'm so sorry..."

"I'm so sorry..."