Harder Than You Know

Just because Ari and Zacky had a sweet reunion didn't mean things were all better again. It didn't mean she was now totally unafraid of him. And it certainly didn't stop her nightmares. If he got only a little bit frustrated, she made a beeline for the bathroom and would stay shut in there for hours at times. She knew Zacky would never hurt her.. it was still the lingering fear in the back of her head.

A few nights ago, Zacky had raised his voice while we was talking on the phone with someone. That someone happened to be stubborn and a complete pain in the ass and Zacky tried to bear with it for a whole hour before he started to swear and yell.

He hung up immediately when he heard the bedroom door across the hall slam shut.

Ari, now petrified, had locked the door and slumped down against it. The room was suddenly too large. What if he was hiding in here somehow? He was faster than her after all. Why was he yelling earlier? Had she done something?

She was oblivious to any outside noise until a long while later. There was a gentle knocking on the door and she heard Zacky pleading her to open up. He apologized over and over again and she could practically feel the pain in his voice. But she was scared.

He didn't give up, though. So she gathered up her courage and finally opened the door and almost gasped when she saw how.. worried he looked. She was used to seeing Zacky strong and confident, never really tired or exhausted. But Ari now saw just how much her behavior had affected him the past few days. Zacky had dark circles under what used to be vibrant jade eyes. He was sorry. He was regretful. And it killed her.

They slept in separate rooms that night and Ari had the most difficult time falling asleep. She felt like crying, she didn't know why. She was a bit afraid of the dark but didn't think it would be the best of ideas to go to Zacky.

Ari admitted to herself that Zacky had spoiled her rotten during her stay here. She rarely thought of his feelings and assumed he was okay with whatever she did. The guilt was overwhelming.

She wondered why she suddenly felt like this. Why she suddenly.. woke up and realized how much Zacky had done for her, just to make sure she was smiling. He went out of his way to make sure she wasn't bored!

These feelings weren't nice. So she distracted herself and thought of the good times she had had.

She closed her eyes and remembered the first few weeks of when she first came to her new home. The first night was unpleasant, but she learned it was for her own good. She grew to love Zacky's innocent kisses and hugs and flirty little compliments. He made her feel beautiful and loved and cherished. And what had she done for him? Shy away from his touches, avoid him when she thought things were getting a bit too awkward for herself. And now she was avoiding him completely because of a stupid fear she couldn't seem to get over.

I'm stupid. she thought miserably. So much for thinking good thoughts.

Ari found herself getting up and walking out of the room. Her feet led her to Zacky's room and when she opened the door she saw that he, too, was wide awake. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, back to her, and did not notice her entrance. With a start, Ari realized she had started to cry earlier. When she sniffled, Zacky jumped and turned around. He rushed to her as soon as he realized she was crying.

"What's wrong, Ari?" he asked, concerned. "Did you have a nightmare?" For the first time, Ari noticed the exhaustion laced with worry.

She shook her head and wiped at her tears. "I-I c-couldn't sleep.."

Hesitant at first, Zacky pulled her into a hug. He tried to soothe her by rubbing her back. It worked for a little while.

"You can stay with me." he said softly. When she didn't reply, he added, "I-if not I'm sure Jimmy won't mind--"

Then she broke down. Zacky was too nice for her. He had every right to be snappy and tell her to go back to the guest room. But he didn't. Her sobbing cut him off and he panicked, trying to figure out what he had done wrong.

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry.. I'm sorry, Zacky.." she cried. "I'm s-so.. s-sorry.. I'm sorry.."

Zacky furrowed his eyebrows. "For what, Ari? I wasn't sleeping or anything when you came in.."

"No!" she almost screamed. "That's.. That's not it.."

"Then what is it?"

She sniffled, unable to stop crying. "I-I'm a terrible person.."

"Darling, you're not--"

"I am!" she was almost hysterical now and Zacky was getting more and more confused. "Y-you're nice to me all the t-time.. And I-I'm so spoiled and bad to you and I d-don't appreciate what you do for me and-and you should be mad at me but you're not... And I-I'm being so dumb for being afraid, t-too, but... but.. you're never upset with me.. I keep.. I keep hurting you.."

Zacky, stunned, remained speechless. He just tightened his arms around her and stuttered, "I... Ari.. I'm okay.. I don't want you to be upset.."

Ari suddenly pulled away, frustrated. Stomping one foot, she yelled, "You're not getting it! Stop thinking about me! I don't deserve it!"

Her energy suddenly seemed to be drained away and she sank to the floor, still weeping. "I-I wish.. that I was better t-to you.. I wish I could be the one making you happy.." she mumbled, as Zacky slowly sat down in front of her. "I'm sorry, Zacky.."

This time, Zacky only nodded. He pulled her back into his warm embrace and carried her to the bed. She sat in between his legs and leaned in. Ari wished she knew what he was thinking. Because, well, right now she felt like utter crap and didn't know what to do anymore.

"I missed you, you know." he whispered, stroking her hair. "And you don't have to be sorry, dear. Everything I do for you.. I do because I want to. You're not a burden to me, doll; don't you ever think you're spoiled or you don't deserve anything, because you do. You were taken away from your life before and suddenly thrust into this one. I know you've adjusted well here and I'm thankful for that.. But the things I do to make you happy.. You do deserve it.. You deserve more.. You make me happy, Aria.. You don't need to do anything special."

More tears welled in her eyes. "Y-you're making me more spoiled.."

Zacky laughed softly, "I am not and you're not spoiled. People who are spoiled don't acknowledge the fact that they are."

He pulled back to wipe her tears away. Ari felt a light flutter in her heart as he did this. "No more tears, sweetie." he whispered. "I know you're still upset.. try not to be.. I want you to be happy.. Then I'll be happy."

Ari only nodded and rested her head against Zacky's shoulder. "You're tired." he said. She could only nod again and let her body be moved as Zacky lied down. He whispered, "Go to sleep now. Tomorrow will be better." She calmed down after several minutes of silent crying and Zacky's soothing back rubs.

Ari still wondered where her sudden guilt and outburst came from. She couldn't figure out why she was overcame by Zacky's feelings and Zacky's wellbeing and what Zacky thought and what Zacky did. Zacky, Zacky, Zacky. The answer was simple, though, and it was right in front of her.

She loved him.

---------------------------------------------------

The next few days Zacky spent with Aria. He figured they needed alone time together to reconnect and he took her out on quiet strolls. It worked. Things were almost normal again. He was still confused about her behavior, but later realized they were closer than before because of it. Emotionally, Ari was getting better now and that was really all that mattered to him.

Soon, she was happy again. And her eyes would light up when she saw him and she didn't hesitate to cuddle with him or sit on his lap or give him a hug. She became more attached to Zacky, not that he minded. She greatly disliked being away from him.

Ari was still confused. The emotional breakdown and slow fixing of her heart caused her feelings to be more muddled. She was in love, but she didn't know. She couldn't tell. She didn't even label her feelings as a crush.

But the happiness when she was with him made the bewilderment disappear. She was cheerful when she was with him and everyone sure noticed the change. It was a good change, though.

Right now, things were peaceful. The two of them were in bed, and Ari had just woken up. Zacky, of course, was done washing up. He went back to bed as soon as he was done. It was his new routine now.

"You should sleep more, Ari." he said softly, removing pieces of stray hair from her face. It was times like this when Zacky's eyes held the most tenderness. It was times like this when Ari wondered how she could ever be afraid of him.

Ari smiled. "I'm not sleepy." She turned to face him and grasped his shirt gently, rubbing the soft material against her nose. Zacky at first was clueless to her actions, but was greatly amused when he realized she was smelling him. It wasn't like he minded or anything.

"When you become a vampire," Zacky joked, "I swear your power's gonna be the ability to smell over great distances and obstacles. You can be like our scout or something."

"Not funny," Ari mumbled against his shirt. "I don't wanna be sniffing out smelly bad guys."

Zacky laughed, "I was kidding, sweetie. I would never do that to you."

Ari rested her farther leg on top of Zacky when he turned and laid down on his back and placed her hand on his chest. "So when do I become like you?" she piped.

"Huh? What?"

"When do I get to be a vampire? Like you. And the others. I wanna be a vampire already." she said.

Slightly shocked at her sudden question, Zacky asked, "How long have you been thinking about this, Ari?"

She merely shrugged. "For a while, I guess. 'Cause if I become a vampire then I don't have to die and I can stay with you forever."

For a moment, Zacky's heart soared because of her statement. His grin was so wide he was sure he looked like a madman. Good thing Ari wasn't looking. She was too preoccupied with the graphic design on his shirt.

"Sorry, Ari." Zacky said, when he came to his senses again. "That probably won't happen until a while."

Frowning, she asked, "Why? I thought all you had to do was bite me."

"Well I sure wish it was that simple," he told her. "But there's a lot more to turning than a quick bite."

"What more is there?" she asked persistently.

Zacky wondered how to answer her question without making the situation awkward for her. Deciding there wasn't one, after pondering for a bit, he decided to just get on with it already.

"Well?" Ari pressed impatiently. She climbed on top of him to force him to look at her and crossed her arms, expecting a reply.

Smiling, Zacky sat up and placed his hands on her hips. He pressed his forehead against hers and answered with a low voice, "You need love, Ari. You and the person changing you need to be in love."

He almost chuckled as he saw her becoming more and more red, but stayed silent instead, smiling gently.

"O-oh...."

She was so charming when she was all flustered. He loved it. He loved her. That was for sure. Ari was so precious. And perfect.

Love..

It was.. kind of a trigger word for her. Ari suddenly felt the realization of her feelings hit her at full force and her eyes widened.

Biting her lip, Ari hesitated, gathering up every ounce of her strength and courage, before starting in a shaky voice. "Well.."

"What, sweetie?" Zacky said, placing strands of stray hair behind her ear and then cupping her face. She immediately leaned into his hand.

"What if.." she whispered in a voice Zacky had to strain to hear. It was now or never. "What if.. I said that I already.. l-loved you?"

Now it was Zacky's turn to be stunned. His grip on her hips slackened and he pulled away from her in shock. He felt his (practically dead) heart flutter as she gave him the smallest shyest smile ever.

"R-Really.. A-Ari?" he stuttered out. He only got a small nod in response but exploded on the inside. His mind was working at a million miles a second trying to get his body to do something, but to no avail. She looked at him expectantly, that precious smile gone from her face, replaced with a wondering look. Uh oh, what if she thought he didn't love her? That's ridiculous! He had been dropping hints like bombs since she's gotten here-- touching her, giving her innocent kisses, being with her-- Zacky realized then he was being an ass, just staring at her.

So he kissed her.

He smirked when she gasped softly, immediately allowing him entrance to her mouth. He explored her with his tongue, massaging, sucking on her lips, taking her breath away. She was hesitant at first, not really knowing what to do, but with his guidance she was as into the kiss as he was and it wasn't long before she became completely lost in it. What was actually a little less than a minute felt like hours, but time didn't matter now.

Zacky remembered humans couldn't last that long without air.

When he pulled away, Ari's eyes were still closed but slowly opened, the blush slowly returning to her face. She gave him that precious smile again and he would have died but he couldn't do that. Her breathing was uneven and he chuckled at her attempts to calm down, causing her to turn redder if possible. He pulled her into a hug an held onto her tightly.

"I thought.." she breathed out, still a bit out of air. "I first thought.. that I made a mistake.." She buried her face in his neck, clutching on tightly to his shirt.

Zacky laughed softly. "No, babe. You just caught me off guard is all. I kind of thought I'd be the one confessing my everlasting and undying love to you first."

Ari giggled at his answer but said nothing back. She was smiling, feeling all giddy inside. In fact, she would have been shaking if she were just a little more excited. She never had the chance to experience anything like this. It was all new to her.

And Zacky knew. So he was going to work. He was going to work his damned hardest to make things perfect for his Ari. He wasn't going to hurt her or let anyone else hurt her. He made a silent and solemn vow to himself. He wouldn't be able to stand seeing her little heart break.

Zacky sighed in content and lied back down on the bed, Ari still on top of him. She moved to his side and the two of them just stayed there in the silence.

"I love you, Aria." Zacky whispered, turning to look at her. She beamed, giving him that precious smile once again.

"I love you," she repeated before hurrying to bury her face in the nearest material which happened to be Zacky's shirt. He laughed at her shyness and pulled away revealing her red, but smiling face.

"I say it's time to get up and eat." he said, pecking her on the lips. He had to stop himself from getting out of hand in the past, but now he had every reason to flirt as he pleased.

She grinned and nodded, allowing herself to be pulled up as Zacky got up. Her heart couldn't seem to calm down and she hoped Zacky wouldn't notice. But she figured he did.