Apparition

Chapter 20: Impulse
After Jayant, Jonathon, and Nicolette left for their dentist appointment I suddenly decided to make a visit to Maddie’s house and tell her about Lawren and I dating. I quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a plain purple shirt and jumped into my car.
As I drove to her house in my used maroon Honda Civic I kept hoping she wouldn’t take it badly. After all I wasn’t breaking the “Don’t-Date-Your-Best-Friend’s-Ex-Boyfriend” rule because nothing ever even happened between Maddie and Lawren. Lawren and I went way back so it was going to be alright.
I just felt so guilty for doing this to Maddie. She’s such a sweet girl and I’d probably die if I ever saw her cry or even had a frown on her adorable face. I shook the thought out of my head.
I groaned and took the next exit. I took a U-turn at a gas station and entered the freeway and drove back to my house. I couldn’t do this to Maddie.
When I got back to my house I quickly parked the car in the driveway and walked over to Lawren’s house. Ever since I changed my mind I kept thinking about what I was doing. Things with me and Lawren were moving way to fast…. Or fast enough for me.
I knocked on his door three times. I waited and the door swung open.
“Hi, Mr. Shaw. Is Lawren home?” I asked, peaking over his shoulder into the house.
“Hello, Natalia. But Lawren isn’t home. He’s at the shop with his mother. Would you like to leave a message?” He asked in a deep, husky voice.
“Uhm. I think I’m just going to catch there.”
“Alright, that’s fine.”
“Thanks, Mr. Shaw,” I said with a smile.
I turned around and walked back to my car. I started up the engine and headed for Lavonne.
When I got there I parked the car outside of the store and found Lawren at the register checking out a man’s items. He saw me and a wide smile came upon his face. He quickly checked out the rest of the man’s items. When he was done he waved at me to come over.
“What’re you doing here?” He asked happily. “Lawren… we need to talk,” I said seriously.
He examined me and the smile vanished from his face. He called over one of the workers and asked him to take his place for a moment.
Lawren took me into the back room and he stood there with a hopeful smile.
“Lawren… you know I love you right? I’ve always loved you.”
His smile widened and all sights of despair escaped him. “I’ve always loved you, too, Natalia,” he murmured, scrutinizing my face. He slowly moved closer to me.
“Lawren, Lawren, Lawren,” I said, backing away. He looked at me, confused. “You’re getting the wrong impression. I love you like a brother. It’s hard to see you any other way besides that. I know that if you actually thought about it you’d see me as a sister as well.”
“But… we kissed. There’s something between us, Natalia. You cannot deny that!” His voice cracked as he spoke.
“And that was wrong to do that. It should never have happened. I was thinking that if maybe I tried to love again then I would get over Nathan but… but I just can’t! He’s always there in my mind. Lawren, I don’t want to hurt you by using you because you deserve so much better than me.”
Lawren looked down and fidgeted with his fingers while biting his lip. “So you’re breaking up with me.” It wasn’t a question.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “But there’s a lot more other girls out there like Maddie for example. You’d have to be an idiot to not realize that she’s completely in love with you!” I said happily, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.
“I don’t want Maddie! I want you, Natalia!” He pinned my arms to my sides and looked me straight in the eye. “I want you,” he repeated in a whisper.
“Lawren have you ever thought that the second time around isn’t exactly for us?”
“You’re thinking that because of him, aren’t you? Natalia, you have to let go! You can’t keep holding on to him. He left you!” He said the last words slowly.
I cringed and looked away from him. Suddenly I felt an overwhelming sense of hysteria. “Let go of me,” I whispered between my clenched teeth.
“Natalia, I’m sorry,” he murmured, his arms still holding me in place.
“Let go of me!” I hissed fiercely.
“I didn’t mean it. Please stay here and we can talk this through. We can talk us through!”
“Lawren, let go of me right now!” I commanded. His hands dropped to his sides and he stood there, lifeless. I swung open the door and ran out of the store, wiping my ears dry unsuccessfully because of the constant flow of tears.
When I got into the car I jammed the key into the ignition and started to drive.
I eventually pulled over at a fast food restaurant’s parking lot because I wasn’t in shape for driving. Tears were running down my cheeks like a waterfall and I was holding onto the stirring wheel so tight it would’ve exploded into pieces.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach and bent my back over so my forehead was touching the wheel.
“Nathan,” I whispered with my eyes shut while I deliberately imagined his perfect almond skin, blue eyes, and golden hair. My vision of him was crystal clear and I was able to see every feature of his face and the shape of his body with the clothes he was wearing. He had on his tuxedo he wore on prom night… the last time I saw him. Thinking about it only made my cry harder but it was worth it. I was letting in every thought of him from the last time I saw him. The confusion in his eyes when I found with him with Taylor, the way he desperately called out my name, the sound of his voice when he apologized to me even though nothing happened between Taylor and him.
“Nathan, I love you,” I whispered.

The following night I finally got some sleep. It wasn’t a lot but it was enough. The dreams came back to me and I was in the white room. I was positive that my parents weren’t here since I hadn’t made my decision yet.
“Nathan!” I blurted out. Even though the chances of him being here was nearly zero I still had to check. There was no response but I sound of shuffling feet. It was my friends and ghost family.
I listened closely to see if anything was being said. No one was speaking. Then I heard something like a large metal door being shut. It was like a vault. There was twisting of several locks then another door slammed shut.
“Hello, Clarabelle,” the women said in a grand voice. “I’m simply filed with joy that we finally met. I’ve been waiting for this day since the very first time I found my first carrier.
“Isn’t it such a disappointment that our past lives we used were enable to get to the point we are in right now?”
“What are you talking about?” I snapped.
The women went silent. “Excuse me for the misunderstanding. So I’m guessing your name is… Natalia, am I right?”
“I’ve already told you that, Aurelia,” Carlos mumbled.
“Carlos I suggest you keep your mouth shut. I did not give you permission to speak,” Aurelia said in an arrogant tone.
“So?” She pressed.
“Yes. My name is Natalia,” I said. She seemed unusually nice.
Aurelia laughed in a wicked way. “Clarabelle isn’t as strong as I thought she would be.”
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” I said. I tried to be as nice as I could possibly be because I knew if I had an attitude with her it would only cause a fire.
“Must I play teacher?” She moaned.

Then I woke up with a jolt of my body. I looked into the mirror across from my bed as I panted. There was sweat along my hairline just starting to drip down my forehead but nothing drastic because I only had a four hour sleep.
After I calmed down a bit I trudged over to the bathroom to take a long, warm shower.
When I was done I sat in front of the mirror in my room and just stared at myself. I put on a smile and chirped, “everything is going to be alright!” Then I slumped over and frowned at how fake that sounded.
“I would never put my family in danger. Nathan is fine,” I told myself more seriously.
I shut my eyes and a tremor ran down my spine. Then another. And another. A minute later it was full on vibrating. I flashed open my eyes and all I was able to see was blackness and stars.
I sent out a wave and quickly turned toward the window and lunged myself through it. As my feet hit the floor I sent out a massive wave. It only took a millisecond for the wave to hit a human. The wave ran up the person and identified him.
“Natalia, what’re you doing?!” Lawren yelled. “You almost crushed me!”
“I’m sorry but I have no time to talk.”
Before I ran he grabbed hold of my arm. “Where’re you going?”
“Lawren, I have no time to explain!”
“I was just about to come over to your house and apologize to you on what happened yesterday. I shouldn’t have said what I did and-”
“Lawren, Lawren, Lawren!” I said, stopping him. “I can’t talk right now. I have to go!”
I felt Lawren’s eyes on mine.
“Tell my family… I’m sorry and… to not come looking for me. I’ll be fine,” I lied lamely.
I shrugged Lawren’s hand off of me turned around.
“Wait! How long are you going to be gone?”
I turned back around to face him. “I’m not sure,” I whispered.
Lawren took a step to get closer to me and held me in his arms. For some reason it looked like he understood what I was doing and the reason behind it.
“I will always love you, Natalia,” he whispered.
“I’ll always love you, too, Lawren,” I replied.
He laid his hands on both sides of my face and out lips touched, moving in sync. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer to me.
This was absolute stupid timing. With each second I stood here and waited, the less time I would have to my trip to Ephrata without Robert knowing what I’ve done. But I didn’t want to let go of Lawren.
To my surprise he was the one who pushed me off. “Come back soon,” he whispered.
“Goodbye, Lawren,” I whispered back. I turned around and began running toward the center of Washington.
I never knew ghosts were able to cry.