I Think We're Falling Apart

After picking up Adelle, the car ride to Matt's was silent. Adelle didn't ask where we were going, but then again she probably didn't realize we wouldn't be going home. When Matt parked his car in the drive, the question arose.

"Mommy, how come we're at Uncle Matt's?" she asked as I handed her bag to Matt to carry inside.

I sighed. "We're gonna stay here for a little while, sweetie," I said, and hoped she wouldn't ask why or continue to question me. Thankfully she just left it at that. I carried my things inside with Matt's help and the first thing Adie did when she got inside was run straight to the TV.

"Here, I'll show you to the guest room," Matt said, and I followed him up the stairs. He took me to a room that was right across from the bathroom. It had a double bed, side tables, a dresser, and a small TV on a stand across the room from the bed. He set the bags he was carrying down onto the floor, and I did the same.

"Err... yeah. We should probably change the sheets and stuff..." Matt said, looking over at the bed.

I looked at it as well, confusion written on my face. "Why?"

"Cuz Johnny was the last person to stay in here a couple nights ago, and well, I'm not quite sure what went on in here. I don't think I even want to know either," he explained.

I laughed a little. "Eww... Johnny jizz," I said, and Matt laughed as well.

"Yeah, I'll go get more sheets and stuff. I'll be right back." he said, and left the room. I started to unpack mine and Adie's clothes into the dresser. Matt came back with the bedding and I started to help him make the bed.

"So... are you the one everyone goes to when they have nowhere to stay?" I asked as we pulled the old sheets and comforter off the bed.

"Well, kinda I guess. Each of the guys have had their fair share of staying here when they've had shit going on or if they were too trashed to go home," Matt replied.

"Oh... and that doesn't bother you?" I asked as we put the new sheets on the bed and put the pillows into the cases.

"Nah... It's better than being here all alone. So I guess I actually look forward to it," I he said quietly. We finished making the bed with no more words said between us.

"Mommy, why aren't we sleeping at home?" Adelle asked later that night as I got into the bed next to her. I figured it'd be easier for her to sleep in a new place if I went to bed at the same time.

I sighed as I sat next to her and she laid down under the covers. "Me and Daddy decided it'd be best if... we weren't together for a little while." I said, trying to make it it as simple as possible for her to understand.

"I wanna sleep at home," she whined.

"I know you do, baby. But for now, we're going to stay here. Now get some sleep. You've got school tomorrow," I said to her. She nodded slowly and I leaned down to give her a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

"I love you sweetie," I said to her before turning off the lamp next to the bed.

"Love you too Mommy," she said in reply. I laid down on my side facing her, and watched as she fell asleep. This was going to be hard on her.

All I did was lay there, for a long time. I couldn't sleep. The day's events just kept replaying in my head, over and over again. It had all come down to this. I didn't want this to happen. But none of this was my fault. Was it? I could have stopped this. I was a pushover. If I had just put my foot down to Brian, this wouldn't have happened.

I laid there for quite some time and when I looked over at the click, it was already past 11. I pulled myself up from the bed, being careful not to wake Adelle from her sleep.

I walked out of the room, and saw a light coming from under a door farther down the hall. Probably Matt's room. I crept to the stairs and went down to the living room. I sat down on the couch in the dark, not knowing what to do. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, resting my head on them. The silence was killing me. I looked around the room, my eyes landing on the stereo with the entertainment center. I turned on a table lamp and walked over to the stereo. There were rows upon rows of CDs and I looked at each and every one of them. I picked out the self-titled Eighteen Visions CD and placed it in the stereo after I turned it on. I turned the volume down low and pressed play, sitting back down on the couch. I just sat there, listening to the sounds coming from the stereo.

I felt my eyes watering up and I glanced at the stereo when Broken Hearted began to play. As if it didn't fit my situation at this point. And I couldn't help but sing it, even though I felt like shit.

"I need a beginning again. I want to feel like I used to feel. When everything was in the palm of my hand. And you were here with me. You know I just don't get it. You know I really don't get it at all. That you would leave so sudden, Well did you know you would leave me all alone?

"I think we're falling apart, I don't know where I should start. You left me here to be broken hearted. I think we're falling apart, I don't know where I should start. You left me here to be broken hearted.

"Some days I wonder where I would be. Cuz I don't think it was wasted time. I always thought you'd be waiting for me. And now I'm facing the world alone. You know I just don't get it. You know I really don't get it at all. That you would leave so sudden, Well did you know you would leave me all alone?

"I think we're falling apart, I don't know where I should start. You left me here to be broken hearted. I think we're falling apart, I don't know where I should start. You left me here to be broken hearted.

"I think we're falling apart, I don't know where I should start. You left me here to be broken hearted. I think we're falling apart, I don't know where I should start. You left me here to be broken hearted.

"I wonder what you are doing today. I wonder if you could ever change. I wonder if you still think of me. The way that it was. The way that it used to be.

"I need a beginning again... I need a beginning again. I need a beginning again," I slowly trailed off as the song continued on, and those damn tears welled up in my eyes again. I sat there in the weak light from the lamp next to me for quite some time after that. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. They were too heavy to be Adelle's so when Matt called out to me, I wasn't startled.

"Vikki?... What're you doing down here?" he asked as he stopped next to the couch. I quickly wiped away my tears before I turned to look at him.

"I couldn't sleep," I said timidly, sniffling afterwards.

"Yeah, I don't blame you. I don't think I'd be able to sleep either if I were you," he said quietly, and then slowly took a seat next to me. I looked over at him again, getting a better look, and noticed he was still fully clothed.

"Why weren't you sleeping?" I asked.

"Ehh... I don't go to bed til much later. Its been like that for awhile. I think I might be turning into an insomniac or something," he said with a light chuckle at the end; he was trying to lighten the mood. I smiled a little at him.

"So... how's Adie holding up?" he asked as he fumbled with his hands, looking down at them as he did so.

"She could be better," I sighed. "This is gonna be hard for her to adapt to. She already wants to go home," I mumbled. It stayed quiet for a couple minutes, not even the music was playing since the CD had ended.

"Its amazing, you know? Just when you think the reality has set in, it all feels... surreal again," Matt sighed as he leaned back against the couch. I knew he was getting deeper than just Brian and me.

I turned my head to the side and looked at him. "How long ago was it?" I asked quietly.

"About half a year by now. And I can't get over it still," he replied. I moved over so I was right next to Matt and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Tell me about you and Val... and what happened," I said quietly, and then yawned.

I heard him sigh deeply. "Well, I guess the first big problem was that I wanted to have kids and she didn't. I have no idea why, but that's just the way she was. I guess after that we became too different on what she liked and I liked, and what she wanted and I wanted. We just... grew apart until there was really nothing left," he started, and I closed my eyes as I listened to him tell his story. he'd never told me any of this before, and I savored every moment that I didn't have to think of Brian and my problems. I liked hearing Matt talk.

He got quiet after the story of his divorce, and the silence was what made my mind wander again. I sniffled as the presence of tears made their way back to my eyes.

"What's going to become of us, Matt? Why'd we have to get fucked over?" I asked and then moved so my head was resting in his lap. He started to run his fingers through my hair.

"That's just the way things worked out... It all happens for a reason. We're gonna be alright..." he sighed, and I shut my eyes. And for the first time that night, I felt comfortable enough, there in Matt's lap, and fell asleep.

Soon after her eyes closed, Vikki was asleep. I kept running my hand through her silken hair as I looked down on her. She was beautiful. I hated to see her cry. Brian was an asshole to her, and I doubt the next time I saw him I'd be able to hold myself back.

I sighed as I continued to look down on her sleeping form. Maybe these things did happen for a reason.

I shook my head to myself. This was killing me. And she doesn't even know that I...