Show Me What Living Truly Means, Bill Kaulitz

} Bill’s Narration {

Sapphire hasn’t ever left my mind or my heart. I don’t want her to. The band & I have been traveling all over Europe & Asia since a week we’ve been back in Germany. Daisy started her schooling again in Paris, so she wasn’t able to come with us. It broke Tom’s heart really bad, but he knows it will be worth it once she’s done with her second year. Then she’ll be back in his arms. Lucky bastard. I haven’t been able to write a new song without seeing Sapphire’s face in my head. I haven’t been able to sing our old material without fighting a nervous break down on stage. One performance in Greece, I was in the middle of singing “Love Is Dead” on a live broadcast. Well I literally fell on my knees & pounded my fist on the stage. The fans I think thought it was apart of the performance & I want them to think that. I don’t want them to know this pain about Sapphire. Then they’ll worry like when I was getting surgery for my throat. Right now we are in Rome right now just sight seeing. We’ve been here for a good week with concerts, contest, & interviews. They still continue to ask us about our love life. Tom showed off his engagement ring with a huge grin. I told them Sapphire is back home for school, but then the question is ’are we still together?”. I’m thankful that Georg always manages to save my ass. I keep dreaming of her every night in my bed. I thought at one point it was real, but it was just a dream. I badly want to stop this tour & go to America to find her, but there is no way we are getting a break from tour unless one of us gets seriously injured. We’ll be leaving for China tomorrow afternoon. Don’t know where exactly, but I can’t even enjoy it with so much on my mind. September is really kick my ass in the worst ways & its only been a week!

“BILL!!!!!!” Tom screamed.

“What the hell Tom?! I was trying to zone out!”

“You did….I was just letting you know our food was here. In fact its been here for 30 minutes. Now room service has to reheat it.” Tom said.

“Oh…sorry. I was thinking….”

“About Sapphire. Well Green Day music isn’t gonna fix that bro. You gotta go get her.” Tom said.

“Tom, we have a tour. We need to finish it so we can get to North America. If we stop now it will delay us.”

“So you’re telling me, you rather wait until November to see Sapphire? Who are you? Is this my twin or are you some weird alien we picked up in the Ukraine?” Tom laughed.

“ Its me Tom. Your twin Bill, the one you are older than by 10 minutes. I’m just being reasonable. We have fans counting on us to keep our word & get to our arenas for performances. I can’t let them down, I could never forgive myself.”

“They would forgive you Bill if they knew the reason. That whole pounding the shit out of the stage in Greece freaked me out. How much longer are you gonna battle yourself?”

“You’re exaggerating!”

“BILL YOUR KNUCKLES WERE BLEEDING! HOW IS THIS EXAGGERATING?!”

Tom showed me my knuckles. They were healing, but you can still tell I made myself bleed. He was telling the truth, but it can’t be about what I want.
Tom is just being a brother, worrying all the time about me. After I ate my dinner I put my Ipod on full blast with Coldplay .

“Nobody said it was easy…..
Oh its such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy…..
No one ever said it would be so hard….
I’m going back to the start.”

With those final word, I fell asleep. Only to dream of her running towards me. Sapphire Williams, I promise to never fall out of love with you. Its impossible, she’s so…..

“Amazing….”

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]Sapphire’s Narration - two weeks later[

Well its been a fucking month. Bill keeps haunting my dreams & I don’t want that. I want him in front of me, in my arms. I can’t walk in a CD store without seeing their posters, DVDs, or hearing their music. I feel him inside me & no I’m not pregnant. I wish I was sometimes, maybe then Francesca, I mean mom, would let me have some form of contact with him. I’ve been failing most of my classes because I can’t focus, plus all the class I was in wasn’t fascinating me. I was planning to become a biochemist, not a journalist. At this point I don’t know what I want to be, I just know I want to be with Bill. Also commuting sucked too. Lindsey has a car as of now, so I have to be locked in a tin can for 45 minutes going to class. Its an hour going back only because of traffic. I hate it so much. My classes are over by three in the afternoon, but Lindsey’s classes aren’t done until five. Two hours doing nothing.
I would take the subway home, but I never had to because Daisy had a car, I lived on campus, & I know nothing about Manhattan transportation. I’m sitting across from the parking lot wait for Lindsey to make her appearance so we can go the fuck home. It was 6:30pm by the time we got home. She’s a slow driver also. At least go the speed limit you dumb whore!
We moved into a new suite since August. We all have our own space & Lindsey is forbidden to enter my room without my permission (Thank you mama!).
Ivan has his own room near Francesca & Tyler. Less responsibility for me. I work on the weekends at a movie theater in upper Manhattan. I’ve been saving money to move out, I love Francesca & Ivan, its Lindsey & her father I don’t understand! They clearly hate me, but Francesca is trying so hard to get us to be one big happy family. When she goes on her business trips I have a mini crib for Ivan & I lock myself in my room. So glad I have a mini fridge in my room. I only leave my room for class & after they go to sleep. That’s Ivan & my dinner time when she’s away because I can’t stand eating with them either.

Lindsey knocked on my door & I pretended not to hear it. I was busy on my laptop anyway, plus my headphones was connected to the laptop for my music purposes. She came in anyway.

“I know you heard me knocking! I’m not stupid!” Lindsey said.

“Yea you are because you haven’t gotten my permission to be here, which means I have the means to throw you out or hit you with a blunt object.”

“Explain that to mom when you make me bleed.” Lindsey said

“I wanna make you more than bleed, but I don’t wanna go to jail.”

“Did you hear the news about your ex boyfriend?” Lindsey teased
“Something happened to Bill?”

“I knew that would get your attention. Seems like he had a nervous breakdown in Hong Kong. He was singing & he collapsed on the stage. Ha! Karma for dumping me for you!” Lindsey spat out.

“Well if you wasn’t such a bitch to everyone, it probably wouldn’t have happened! In case you haven’t notice you brat, you’re not the best person to be around. You only have the friends you have because of mom’s status!”

“No I don’t! I was a good, nice, sweet girl before you came into the picture. Mom became obsessed with you once she found out about you still existing. Why couldn’t you slit your wrist or something in high school & be dead?! Then life would be perfect.”

“Its not my fault we are sisters. If I could, I would leave, but it will break mom’s heart to up & leave to go to Bill!”

“Bill doesn’t love you & he never gave a shit about you! You were just someone to kill time! Just like I was!”

“You’re only saying that because Bill had took me serious enough to have sex with me & not you.” I watched her gasp for air after that. I never told mom or Lindsey that I went that far with Bill. It was only once, but it was still something to make Lindsey miserable.

“So you’re a fucking whore for sure you damn cunt!”

With that, Lindsey tackled me off the bed & started pulling my hair. I elbowed her in the face twice until I was able to crawl away from her. Once we got up on our feet, I saw blood dripping from her nose. She came charging at me with rage & then Francesca came in the room.

“What the hell is going on?!” she screamed.

“Lindsey came into my room & before I knew it she was yanking my hair, so I elbowed her in the face & I’m about to do much worse!”

“Lindsey go to your room & stay there! I swear Ivan acts more your age than you do & he’s only 3 ½ months!” Francesca screamed.

Lindsey left holding her nose. I was glad, I bet she won’t come in my room again. I wasn’t bluffing when I told her I would beat her down if she ever came in my room. Francesca was still in my room. I guess I’m in somewhat trouble too. She’s probably gonna give me that ’you two are sisters’ speech she’s given us every time we got into a argument. I just pretend to listen now.

“And once you realize that, you will become closer than ever. She’s just doing this because she threaten by change. Okay sweetheart?” Francesca said.

“Well, until then….please tell her to stay away from me & to stop telling gme about Tokio Hotel. I’m over that band & Bill.”

“Okay. She’ll be getting a much longer discussion than what we just have. Dinner will be ready in 20. I’ll leave you to your studies.”

With a kiss on the forehead, she closed my door as she exit. I rushed to my laptop & started searching for that incident Lindsey mentioned to me. She wasn’t lying. Bill fainted on stage after her performed the song ‘That Day’. I only know that because a audience member caught it on their video phone. I really want to see him or hear his voice. I just need to know that he’s okay. I locked myself in my room & cried. I can’t call him or anyone else. Their is no information about why he fainted or what his condition is. I’m scared for him. I wouldn’t be able to take anymore if he died. I don’t know what has gotten over me. I’m never this emotional. I have thick skin, but since meeting Bill I allowed myself to cry. Where are those walls I built?!

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]Bill’s Narration - Hong Kong Hospital[

“The doctor said you were suffering from a lack of sleep & eating. What the hell was you thinking!” Gustav yelled.

“ I don’t think I was….where’s Tom?”

“He had to be removed from your room. You wasn’t waking up & he was causing a ruckus. Daisy’s with him though.” Gustav said.

“She’s here too? Why are you guys worrying so much over this?”

“Bill its not everyday you faint while performing a song! We were scared. Daisy left class early just to get a plane here.” Georg said.

I saw Tom & Daisy enter the room. Tom ran to my side & slapped me in the face, which cause Daisy to pull Tom’s hair.

“Tom have you lost you mind!” Daisy shouted.

“Well Bill has! What the hell were you thinking?!” Tom shouted

“Well I don’t I was doing any thinking….sorry.”

“I’m just glad you’re alright. The manager said you won’t be performing for another 3 days so your next three shows are cancelled.” Daisy said.

“No, that means we’re so far behind. We were suppose to be in Tokyo by Friday. I’m fine, really.”

“Bill you’re not okay. You haven’t been eating properly, you haven’t been sleeping no more than 30 minutes. This is unhealthy. You’re gonna get terribly sick, then you really won’t be able to perform.” Gustav stated.

“That means we’re gonna be late getting to American.

“Bill, you can’t worry about that now. Your health is on the line.” Gustav said.

Bill just laid on the hospital bed motionless. He knew they’ll was consequences for his actions. He was acting as if he was perfectly fine on the outside, but inside he wanted to do harm to himself. Sapphire laid dormant in his mind as well as is heart. The high of her being with him is what gave him the will to perform to the fullest now. At the same time he was fine with what happen because Sapphire will get word of this through the media. This little incident would hopefully let her know what’s going on with him.

‘I need you Sapphire. It’s not the same anymore without you being with me.’

Bill fell asleep & was release from the hospital an hour later. Daisy took care of me, as well as the rest of my friends. Tom was still furious with me, but he still helped me. There is only so many times I can say I’m sorry to Tom & the others. I’ll make it up to them once I recover.

!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

} Daisy’s Narration {

I have to fix this. This isn’t the first time this happened. A week before the tour started, the boys came to say their final farewell to me before I started my first day at French college. I caught Bill as he passed out in my grandparent’s kitchen. I made me swore not to tell anyone & he promised me this wouldn’t happen again. I believed him. I wanted to tell tom I had a suspicion that Bill wasn’t fully eating, but he was already upset with Bill. I kissed & hugged them goodbye as I left to go back to Paris.
On the way to the airport I made a few calls to my parents. They still lived in New York, so I knew they could possibly help me. I asked them to hire a private investigator to find Sapphire. I would go look for her myself, but I can’t afford to skip any classes this early into the term. My parents and I augured about this favor until I boarded the plane. I got a yes. In no time they would find her. The world knows her mother so once her mother’s location is pin point, the pieces will fall into place to where Sapphire could be. I can only imagine how Sapphire is doing without Bill. She’s not the same person I met a year ago. So much can change when you fall in love…..

!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

} Sapphire’s Narration {

I stopped eating for about a week now. I’ve gone longer without eating, so it didn’t hurt too much. I cry everyday when I’m alone. I lie to my family about working late just to stay out a little longer. I walk by all the places I went with Bill in Manhattan. Every song reminds me of Bill also. I find myself talking to the moon when it’s out in the night sky. My hair looks like a dirty brown poodle; my face is dry & stained with dried tears, and my eyes are blood shot red from crying & staying up late. Francesca is barely home anymore, so I’m stuck with Lindsey & that ass of a father until she gets back.
She makes it a habit to take Ivan with her because she feels bad leaving me with all the responsibility of him as well as my job and school. It’s a relieve for me. I don’t want anyone including my little brother to see me this weak. It’s almost 3 am and I’m still outside. I was done with my shift from work six hours ago. I don’t want to go home, but I have nowhere to run. Daisy’s no longer in New York; her parents probably don’t want to have anything to do with me. I should just go home. I wonder how much more can I take, being without him, who knows how long.

TO BE CONTINUED…..